netherlands

Happiest Kids in the World Travel Guide: Paris

11 June 2014
By

TravelingwithhappiestkidsParis
 Only when I became a parent could I fully appreciate how wonderful Paris is for babies and toddlers – to see this glamorous city renowned for its history, food and artisanship through the eyes of a child. For many, Paris has a reputation for being a city exclusive to lovers, fashionistas and artsy types – the ultimate playground for adults with discerning taste.

Au contraire.

Experience from a recent trip has convinced me that Paris is city in love with babies and toddlers. I’ve compiled a “cheat sheet” for parents traveling with babies and toddlers. It is a list inspired by the traveling habits of Dutch families. After all, the Dutch who have the happiest kids in the world and are prolific travelers have some invaluable insight.

Here are seven tips to enjoying a trip to Paris with babies and toddlers from the happiest kids in the world:

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A Place to Call Home
For many Dutch (European) families traveling with babies and toddlers is the norm. An apartment offers several conveniences that parents would appreciate such as more room, a kitchen and washing and drying machines.  It is also a more affordable option for families looking to be centrally located.

If this is your first time in Paris and you would love to experience the quintessential Parisian neighborhood while hitting major sites, I highly recommend staying in the 7th Arrondissement. Also known as the Left Bank, the 7th arrondissement is home to the Musée d’Orsay and Rodin Museum, within walking distance to the Eiffel Tower and Seine, and has a much more relaxed pace than the rest of the city with its village-like charms.

However, keep in mind that renting an apartment can be a hassle and possibly a gamble. My personal pick is this AirBnB two-bedroom rental. The host is a lovely woman who is accommodating and flexible to the unique needs of families with young children. The apartment also includes free parking – an added bonus for those traveling by car.

Bring A Stroller
For parents who love to travel, almost everyone can agree that an absolute traveling essential is a light-weight, foldable stroller.  A toddler can only walk for so long – even for spirited little souls like our son who loves and insists on his freedom. And anyone visiting Paris will soon find out that experiencing the city involves a lot of walking. In fact, I’d argue that the best way to see Paris is on-foot at a leisurely pace. Traveling by metro sometimes takes just as long, if not longer than simply walking on the lovely, outdoor Parisian streets and along the Seine.

Our personal pick is the Maclaren Quest – the perfect stroller for traveling with a toddler. We were initially drawn to the Maclaren Quest because of its reputation for being a preferred traveling stroller among jetset parents, its lightweight aluminium frame, durability and generous weight limit of 55 lbs. Unlike other strollers that have narrower seats and only accommodates up to 30-40 lbs, the Maclaren Quest was a comfortable ride for our 30lb, two year old who is above average in height and weight among his Dutch peers (the Dutch being the tallest people in the world). It’s also surprisingly maneuverable along the Parisian cobblestone streets, grasses, pavements, and dirt paths. And for parents with adventurous and precocious toddlers like mine, I appreciated being able to run after my toddler with one hand while navigating the stroller with the other hand. An added bonus is that the Maclaren buggy hood has UPF 50+, the highest possible rating for sun protective fabrics.

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Keep to Nap Schedules
Enforcing a regular nap schedule for babies and toddlers like the one you have at home during traveling can make everyone involved a lot happier. A well-rested baby and toddler can do wonders to minimize tantrums and maintain relaxed temperaments.  You can either return back to the hotel/apartment for the nap or simply bring along a stroller. Personally, bringing along a stroller is a much more convenient option and a perfect time to take a leisurely walk to the next destination right after a big Parisian lunch. Consider bringing a fully-reclining stroller like the Maclaren Quest (which has four-different incline positions).

Re-Envision Landmarks Through the Eyes of A Child
The best way to still enjoy the famous landmarks of Paris, a happy, contented child, not lose your sanity and actually have a pleasant time? Utilize the nearby Parisian parks strategically located and dispersed throughout the compact city. One of the best kept secrets of Paris is the seemingly random little playgrounds and play areas scattered throughout the different neighborhoods and along the Seine. And it’s hard not to notice the city’s genuine adoration for carousels strategically placed close to various landmarks and tourist attractions. Parisians indoctrinate the importance of joie de vivre starting from the cradle, providing their youngest citizens hidden gems of carousels and playgrounds, providing momentarily but much appreciated relief for parents and children.

Rather than ambitiously (and arguably naively) trying to climb the Eiffel Tower with a toddler, consider heading over to Place du Trocadero. There is a beautiful double-decker antique carousel, sweeping panoramic views over the gardens and the Eiffel Tower. You’ll not only have the tourist obligatory pictures, but if you arrive there for the sunset, you and your little one will be delighted to see the Eiffel Tower lit and gain a deeper appreciation for La Ville-Lumiére.

Utilize the early morning wakeup calls and head over to the Louvre before the crowds come. Afterwards, head over to the Jardin des Tuileries (Tuileries Gardens), a haven for children offering a traditional carousel, playground, and pony rides to name a few child-orientated attractions. The 25 hectares Parisian garden also provides plenty of beautiful flowers, landscaping and sculptures that adults can appreciate.

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Jardin du Luxembourg and Parisian Playgrounds
The Jardin du Luxeumbourg is the definitive children’s paradise of Paris – a playground ripe with nostalgia of long forgotten Parisian childhoods of wooden toy sailboats, pony rides and children’s marionette show. The enclosed playground offers plenty of amusing entertainment for the four and under crowd- sandbox, slides, climbing contraptions, seesaws and twirling toys.  An added bonus are the toilets that accommodate to the needs of its smallest patrons.

At the heart of this children’s haven is the 135-year old carousel designed by Charles Garnier, the architect of the Opera de Paris. Built in 1879, the antique manége with its green-roof, well-worn wooden horses and dirt floor makes it a postcard worthy experience for both adults and little ones.

If you are visiting Paris with a toddler (or even older children), this is an absolute must. While the various activities are not free, the €12-15 euros spent for the half-day at the park are well worth the memories you’re making with your child.

Travel Off Season
Arguably one of the best aspects of traveling with toddlers and babies is not being restricted to school schedules. Traveling off season is also a great time to take advantage of lower prices and not having to deal with hoards of tourists suffocating the museums, landmarks and boulevards.  If you can get past the temperamental weather that Parisians have made a national pastime complaining about, Paris can be quite lovely. The more relaxed pace at the playgrounds will also make it easier for your little one to make a new Parisian friend or two.

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Come with No Expectations
As the Dutch national philosophy goes, “Doe maar gewoon, dat is al gek genoeg.” Arrive in Paris with your little one in tow with no grandiose expectations and simply do what the Parisians do – embrace being a flâneur (a passionate observer). Paris is best enjoyed at a slow, relaxed pace anyway. And what better way than to experience it with children who are naturally curious and full of wonder. Some of the inconveniences of being a parent to young children – such as early morning wakeup calls, nap times and bedtimes – can make a trip to Paris a memorable one. The leisurely pace will give you the chance to see and experience a more authentic, genuine Paris through the eyes of your child. Take the time to pause and see the world from their perspective –  discovering hidden treasures, experiencing new places and simply celebrating the here and now.

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Hope you and your family enjoy an unforgettable experience in Paris or inspired to take a trip to the City of Light!

 

P.S. If you’d like to connect with me, come join me on my Facebook page. Promise I’ll try to only post interesting updates about my Dutched reality and random stuff that inspire me to share.

 

(Photos taken courtesy of me and by my dearest friend Maria Chang. The Maclaren Quest was gifted to me by Maclaren for a review. All opinions are mine. Thank-you for reading.)

Moving Strategy

9 June 2014
By

moving strategyphoto of my two year old playing with a moving box

Two weeks remain before we move out of our comfortable, modern suburban home into a 1930s cottage nestled in a Dutch forest. We are excited to move. Beyond thrilled actually. And understandably, the stress of it all is starting to take front and center attention in the Finding Dutchland household.

Rather than letting the stress impact our family’s happiness and well-being, I’m actually utilizing it to improve family communication skills and a “team building” exercise. In reality, this translates to my husband giving me full control over our moving strategy and designating specific times for unadulterated concentrated packing without the presence of my toddler.

As health psychologist Kelly McGonigal suggested in her Ted talk, I’m making stress my friend. And since right now, I am in the thick of moving, here are some of the things I am doing (and have done) to make it one happy move:

Start one month before
What can I say? I’m a planner at heart. Make a list of everything that you need to get done from now until moving day. There’s also practical logistics such as providing a written 30-day notice to the current landlord and canceling or forwarding utilities (gas, water, electricity, garbage, cable/internet, phone and cell phone) that need to be done well in advance. And of course, you need time to make an inventory of what you have and purchase moving supplies (moving boxes, bubble wrap, clear storage boxes, vacuum-seal bags).

De-clutter & Purge
Consider moving as a gift to figuring out what is truly essential and useful in your life. While I’m a sentimental fool, considerate ruthlessness are the two words best to describe my moving-state-of-mind. I’m a firm believer in not letting the things that you own take up owning you. Most of the time what we save to use for later we never end up using anyway because we forget about it, or we simply can’t find it.

Organized packing
Create a clear, organized packing system. Labeled all the boxes to include what was inside, what room it will go in and in what floor. When labeling the boxes, consider also implementing a color coordination system for all the rooms and floors.  We were able to be settled enough to have overnight guests for a couple of days and throw a ginormous first birthday less than one week after moving into our new home.

Clean Along the Way
Try not to leave major cleaning projects right at the last minute. Allocate some time during the last week of the move to deep cleaning the oven, fridge, freezer and bathrooms. Granted, the simple act of moving can cause more mess. But a slow and steady deep clean regimen can help guarantee your deposit back since you will leave the place cleaned.

Clean New Place
If you can get the keys to the new place before the move, I strongly recommend you cleaning the new place. Even if the previous tenants or landlord cleaned the apartment, one can get a lot of comfort cleaning a place to one’s own satisfaction. It can also make settling in a lot faster as it makes it easier to unpack and make the house into a home.

Hire movers
If financial considerations allow for it, please hire movers. While one can save a bit of money by asking friends and family for the favor, hiring professional movers can go a long way. If you take the costs of renting a moving van, procuring other moving essentials (ropes, dolly, boxes) and the actual time it takes to move, hiring movers may actually be more cost-effective in the long run. Your friends and family (or more accurately – their backs) will be grateful.

Bonus tip
If you are moving with a baby or toddler, seriously consider utilizing your support network of friends and family to do some babysitting the weeks leading up to the move and moving day itself. Our little loved ones can definitely sense an impending major life altering change so it’s also best to explain (rinse & repeat) what is going on. Also, while it is a lot more time consuming, having them help packing non-breakables and toys may do wonders for their self-esteem.

Anyone have any moving tips to add before the moving day?

What Dutch Customs Might Seem Strange for Americans

22 May 2014
By

dutch customs Inspired by the Slate article “What French Customs Might Seem Strange for Americans” and my official anniversary of becoming an expat, I thought I would impart a few Dutch customs that I found initially strange but found to be endearingly wonderful:

Three kisses.
Contrary to their other European counterparts like the French, Italians, Portuguese, Spanish and Greeks, the Dutch customarily like to give three kisses. At first awkward,  the extra kiss feels like an extra reassurance that you’re loved or at least liked enough. The current trend involves three kisses for everyone that’s more than an acquaintance and is done regardless of genders – woman-to-woman, woman-to-man and man-to-man without absolutely any sexual connotations.

Biking everywhere.
A bike is simply considered an extension of one’s body and the most convenient way to travel in the Low Countries. Regardless of weather, the Dutch can be seen biking gracefully around the cities, in the suburbs and between the countrysides.

Having chocolate for breakfasts and pancakes for dinner.
The chocolate is disguised in the form of hagelslag (chocolate sprinkles) placed on bread with butter. And pancakes are the size of dinner plates. It’s not that the Dutch have chocolate for breakfast and pancakes every single day (though many might actually do). It’s simply that the Dutch CAN do this without as much as raising eyebrows or eliciting consternation that is so liberating.

Not working when the sun is out.
Due to living in a country that is historically often grey and somber, the Dutch take every opportunity they get to enjoy being out in the sun. If there is beautiful weather on a weekday, some call-in sick for a “mental health break”, or the majority of sun aficionados leave work early. Anyone who has ever been in the center of a city like Utrecht or Amsterdam will know that every Dutch person will be outside sunworshipping on the terraces, or out at the beautiful Dutch beaches.

Most stores closed on Sundays or have much later opening times. This also applies to Mondays too.
When I first arrived here (seven years ago), everything being closed on a Sunday was one of my major aggravations. Coming from a consumer-driven society, I couldn’t understand why a lot of stores weren’t open on a Sunday and how most stores, even major chains, were slow to open their doors on a Monday morning. While more and more stores are becoming open on Sunday (though opening times are usually around 12pm), I appreciate the more relaxed way of living of taking it nice and easy.

Being frugal
There is something quite refreshing about living within your own means and not having unreasonable (or non-existent) credit card debt. The Dutch, on average, may significantly have a lot less spending power than their American counterparts. But overall, they enjoy a higher standard of living for most of their citizens. Every single expense is meticulously calculated from the amount of grams of meat per person to inventing a bottle-scraper (flessenlikker) to get that last ounce out of a jar.

Congratulating someone on his/her birthday party
I still don’t really understand this custom, but if you ever attend a Dutch person’s birthday party, chances are that you will hear the birthday person being “congratulated” as well as the family members and significant others. Literally. I think it’s their way of acknowledging just how fleeting life can be and that each year a person makes it should really be something to be proud of. It’s an awesome reminder of our mortality and a sincere celebration of life.

Not Being an Armed Society
I’ve been tiptoeing around this subject for a while, but I have to finally come out and be honest. I love living in a country without having to worry about being a victim of gun violence. I’ll always be an American (God Bless ‘Merica!), but as a mom to a two year old boy, I take comfort in not having to worry about him losing his life to stray bullets, tragic accidents at a friend’s home, random acts of violence on the streets or school shootings. And somehow, living in a world without everyone and their grandmother being armed, leads to a much more peaceful and happier society.

Of course there are other Dutch customs that I may never get accustomed to – such as having to become a second-hand smoker – but that’s for another article.  Here’s to Finding Dutchland, where ever you may be.

P.S. Come connect with me on my Facebook page. We’re a friendly bunch who love getting updates about a Dutched reality and other random inspirational stuff related to parenting, travel and what not.

MidCentury Furniture Designer- Cees Braakman

21 May 2014
By

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For my 32nd birthday, my ultra romantic, thoughtful and endearingly supportive Dutch husband gave me a writing desk. This aspiring writer and lifestyle blogger finally has her own desk to scribble down her thoughts and type away her musing about living a Dutched reality and motherhood.

It really is a lovely writing desk. It’s definite eye-candy for people who can appreciate mid-century design furniture, clean lines and quality craftsmanship.

But it’s not just any writing desk. And for those who know my Dutch husband, he’s not one to simply follow current trends.

The writing desk was designed by non-other than my husband’s grandfather Cees Braakman.

Designing furniture had been a family affair for two generations. Dirk Lubertus Braakman, Opa’s Cees’ father, was a manager and head draftsman at UMS-Pastoe.  Following in his father’s footsteps, Opa (Grandfather) Cees joined his father when he was only 17 years old.

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After recognizing the younger Braakman’s potential, the owner of UMS Pastoe sent Opa Cees in 1947 to the United States to learn about American design and the basics of furniture production. During his visit to twelve different US furniture companies, Opa Cees fell in love with the work of Charles & Ray Eames at the Herman Miller Company. Upon returning to the Netherlands, Braakman introduced the innovative bent plywood techniques to Pastoe. As the head designer for Pastoe from 1945 to 1978, Opa Cees helped revolutionize the development of the first modern furniture line in the Netherlands.

According to my husband’s foggy childhood recollection, Opa Cees was simply a furniture designer who lived in Oog in Al, a historically working class neighborhood of Utrecht, and he loved to go sailing. If we were to learn something from Opa Cees, it would be to simply find something that we’re passionate about, learn from the masters and carve out our own name.

And what better way to pursue my own writing ambitions than by a desk designed by Opa Cees. I’m so glad I didn’t believe anyone when they teased me about marrying the wrong Dutch guy.

p.s. If you’re interested in following my adventures in the Netherlands, come join me on my Facebook page. Guaranteed random updates about all things Dutch and inspirational material.

 

Going Country Bumpkin

19 May 2014
By

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I have a confession to make. It’s been brewing for a couple of months now. And my heart had been bursting to share for quite a while now. But my pragmatic Dutch husband asked for my silence until everything was settled. Now that all the contracts have been signed, sealed and delivered, the world can officially know.

My family and I going country bumpkin on you folks.

 

We are moving next month to Doorn, a small Dutch village nestled in the nature forest reserve area of the Utrechtse Heuvelrug (Utrecht Hill Ridge). The Dutch who live in a country that would be about 44% submerged underwater if it wasn’t for Dutch ingenuity would refer to this area as hills.

 

After seven years in the Netherlands, this expat-that-could is going to go where very little expats have dared venture out to, deep into the heart of the Dutch sticks.

 

Okay, maybe it’s a bit of an exaggeration. This is the Netherlands we’re talking about – a country where it only takes about 2-4 hours (depending on where you to start) to drive across entirely. We will still be only half an hour drive away from Utrecht and forty-five minutes away from Amsterdam. But Doorn feels like an entirely different world.

 

I have always been a city girl at heart, but it’s not who I am anymore. Not at this moment. Right now, I am a mother to a precocious and adventurous two-year old boy who loves nothing more than to play outside. And I find myself being more at ease and being able to enjoy the experience more when he’s exploring in a natural playground setting rather than the confines of an urban jungle, or non-descript suburbia.

 

Granted, there are also lots of dangers to learn about and be aware of like ticks and snakes for example. But it’s a trade-off we’re willing to make for wanting him to grow up close to nature and as my husband and I figure out what this whole balancing of parenting and being both career-driven personalities is all about.

 

And I’m also a writer. I’m craving the time, space and quiet to be alone with my thoughts. All this writing about happiness precipitated some serious soul-searching. I want to be an authentic, genuine voice – as an Asian (Filipino)-American mother, wife and writer currently living in the Netherlands (Europe).  I have my heart set on bringing diversity to the written and blogging world. And I’m utterly convinced that moving to Doorn will be what I need to develop myself – a sort of healthy compromise between the real-world demands of my husband’s blossoming career and my need for a writing sanctity.

 

So we’ve notified our landlord, contacted the movers and are now are looking forward to a month of preparing for the big move.

 

Hope you continue following me on my adventures of making a home in the Netherlands. Here’s to Finding Dutchland, where ever you may be.

Going Dutch: Children Celebrating Freedom

5 May 2014
By

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In 1911 editor of the New York Evening Journal Arthur Brisbane advised members of the Syracuse Advertising Men’s Club to “Use a picture. It’s worth a thousand words“.   His words would reverberate through time. Brisbane insightfully articulated that photographers are essentially storytellers and their photos would provide us an intimate glimpse of a moment in time. Sometimes one photograph can encompass the entirety of the story, sharing with us an intimate understanding that history (other people’s words) might fail to deliver.

As a mother, I’m particularly drawn to historical images of women and children. Children, after all, have the innate gift of wearing their hearts on their sleeves.  Women – mothers, sisters, grandmothers, nieces and daughters- carry the (untold) stories of their lives and the weight of the world on their shoulders in their eyes.

On this 5 of May, I’d like to commemorate National Liberation Day by sharing 10 powerful images of Dutch children celebrating their freedom as World War II comes to an official end in the Spring of 1945. Hopefully these images can become part of our collective consciousness as we remember the sacrifices, heartache and lives lost due to a senseless war – if only for another day.

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Princess Juliana and Princess Margriet eturning home to the Netherlands

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(All photos (CC-BY-SA) courtesy of the Dutch National Archives)

 

P.S. If you like to get updates on parenting, my life in the Netherlands and other random stuff on the internet that move me to share, come join me on my Facebook page. I’ll try my best not to be too annoying.

Dutch Customs & Gifts from the USA

30 April 2014
By

An all too common experience for American expats in the Netherlands is the infamous Dutch import taxes on packages from the United States. The general scenario involves an unannounced visit from a Dutch postal worker, followed by a brief explanation that the recipient must pay import taxes and the unrealistic expectation that the recipient will have the exact amount in cash being demanded at that given moment.

Unfortunately, not everyone has the exact amount of cash lying around at home so packages are held hostage until the ransom (Dutch custom taxes + administrative costs) can be paid. For first timers, this can be a frustrating experience given that the situation often involves unsolicited gifts from well-intentioned loved ones from home. Welcome to the Netherlands.

What many people are not aware of is that gifts from individuals from the United States (or any other non-EU country) is officially exempted from import taxes up to a maximum value of €45. What can be infuriating experience is that even if the value of the gifts was actually less than €45, one may subject to still first paying the (necessary) tax to receive the package and then resolve the dispute via a formal complaint letter to the post-office.

Why would the Dutch postal service still charge me taxes and administrative costs if the official Dutch government tax office has clearly indicated that gifts under €45 would not be taxed? The secret lies in how the declaration statement (United States Postal Service – Customs Declaration and Dispatch Note -CP 72) of the package if filled out. If it is not properly filled out, the chances of being responsible for paying unnecessary  import taxes increases.

The three important lines to be aware of are:
1. Detailed Description of the Contents (enter one item per line)

Clearly put down on the beginning of the line “Gift”.

5. Check All That Apply

Mark of the word “Gift”.

8. Total Value US$
The total “value” of the gifts must be less than €45 or approximately $72 to be exempt from Dutch import taxes.

 

I’ve also included a picture below that you can send to grandma and grandpa just incase they are visual learners.

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One of the most challenging aspects of raising my son in the Netherlands is that he is thousands of miles away from his loving grandparents. Being the first and only grandchild, my parents love to send him gifts regularly to compensate for not being able to spend time with him. I hope that my tip can be helpful for other expat parents facing a similar situation.

 

Disclaimer: Dutch tax & import rules constantly change over time. Please refer to the official tax office of the Netherlands for the most current information about import taxes on gifts to individuals from individuals. This tip does not cover packages from companies and organisations which fall under a completely different set of rules and regulations. Furthermore, whether or not an import tax will be made on the package is prone to human error so this tip cannot fully guarantee that no mistakes will occur.  

7 Habits of Genuinely Happy Expats

28 April 2014
By

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As my family and I celebrated King’s Night and King’s Day, I came to the realization that I am “making it” as an expat-mom in the Netherlands. Seven years and several stumbling blocks later, I’m taking ownership of my happiness in the Low Countries. Life may not be perfect, but I finally found my happy place, one centered on gratitude, resilience, and family.

While a quarter-life crisis usually sends people to therapy, I celebrated my 25th birthday as an accidental expat in Holland. My expatriation to the Netherlands was a culmination of a love-at-first sight, whirlwind, two year transAtlantic, long distance romance with a Dutch native. If we only live once, why not take a leap of faith and be with the one that we love? After seven years of going through culture shock, homesickness and stumbling blocks learning opportunities, I’ve earned enough street credibility to impart some knowledge to expats who might currently be struggling in their host country.

 

Whether you’re about to become an expat, are a newly minted expat or a seasoned expat, here are seven essential habits that I’ve observed all genuinely happy expats possess.

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1. Embrace your natural curiosity, finding the courage to step out of your comfort zone to try new things and discover the world around you.

Being curious is one of the best assets you can have as an expat.  According research conducted by psychologist Dr. Todd Kashdan and Dr. Michael Steger, people who regularly felt curious “experienced the most satisfaction with their life – and engaged in the highest number of happiness-inducing activities, such as expressing gratitude to a colleague or volunteering to help others.” Arguably the best aspect of being an expat is the opportunity to harness one’s innate curiosity when immersing one’s self in a new culture and a different way of life. Learning about the culture goes deeper than simply wandering around and visiting various places – familiarize yourself with the history, try out the different foods, take part in local festivities and experience local customs. Life will surprise you when you are open to experiences, letting your curiosity take center-stage.  

 

2. Being able to say, “I am not comfortable with that.”

While it is important to be open to new experiences, it is also crucial to stay true to yourself. As an expat, you need to define your boundaries and vocalize them. Dr. Susan Biali suggests that “When our efforts to be excessively agreeable and accommodating backfire, we are often left feeling resentful and generally disappointed with life.”

Chances are that as an expat living in a foreign country, you will find yourself in uncomfortable situations. Know where to draw the line. It’s only natural to hesitate, question yourself and doubt whether or not to let the word’s come out. Once you’ve mustered the courage and declare, “I am not comfortable with that,” you’ll find yourself living a more authentic expat life and your overall-well being will thrive.

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3. Acknowledging and accepting that you are no longer in your home country.

This might sound painfully obvious, but the first step of finding happiness in a foreign country is to acknowledge and accept that you are no longer in your home country. Many expats fall into the trap of comparing everything to their home country, failing to appreciate what their host country has to offer. Constantly comparing one’s current situation with that of another place and time will definitely lead to unhappiness.

Growing up in the San Francisco Bay Area, I had come to unrealistically expect a certain lifestyle and standard of living when moving to the Netherlands. After all, my then Dutch husband made the innocent mistake of informing me that American culture and Dutch culture were inherently very similar. They are not. And I soon discovered that sunlight, an appreciation for food, multiculturalism, (American) political correctness and general pleasantries are not universal aspects shared throughout the world. Once I got over these first-world problems and simply opened my eyes to all the positive attributes of life in the Netherlands, I realized just how wonderful it is to be an expat mom in the Netherlands.

4. Learn the language.

It’s actually quite disrespectful to the locals and a disservice to yourself if you decide to live in a foreign country for several years and never make an honest attempt at learning the native language. Lamenting on how hard learning the language is will get you utterly no where. Enroll yourself in a class and take the time to learn the language.

Contrary to popular expat belief, the official language spoken in the Netherlands is Dutch, not English. Speaking Dutch to locals (no matter how bad you feel you are at it) is the fastest way to melt the usually stoic Dutch hearts and one of the most empowering experiences I’ve ever had. As my father’s voice echoes “No one can ever take away your education.“, no one can ever take away my NT2 niveau 2 diploma, granting me not only access to studying at a Dutch university or applying for a professional job, but also really be a part of Dutch culture.

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5. Be selective on your friendships, especially with other expats. 

Motivational speaker Jim Rohn famously said “We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with.” Or in other words, as my lovely, wise friend Rachel shared with me, “Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future.”Whether we like to admit it or not, research and experience has shown that we are all influenced by the people we surround ourselves with. Regardless of our own intelligence, our age, our natural talents, and where we come from, who we surround ourselves regularly will has a disproportionate influence on our own successes. After all, craving connection with others is what makes us human. And that connection – emotional, mental, spiritual and physical – has a profound impact on our overall well-being, happiness and ability to accomplish personal goals.

Being in a foreign country, it’s only natural to gravitate towards other expats who speak the same language and come from the same country to establish familiarity and shared camaraderie. It’s often recommended and a healthy practice to reach out to other expats to build a supportive community, to create a safe space to vent frustrations and air out personal grievances. However, be mindful of toxic expats who will simply rain on your parade and prevent you from growing as a person. If you are determined to find happiness as an expat, seek out those who inspire and encourage you to be a better person.

6. And don’t forget how essential it is to befriend a local or two.

Try to make friends with the locals and don’t fall trap to living life exclusively in the convenient expat bubble. Your understanding of the country and culture will only get you so far unless you can get insight from a native. Plus, the more open you are to other people, the greater the likelihood of you establishing your own tribe.

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 7.  Self-Acceptance

Arguably one of the most essential habits of happy (expat) people is self-acceptance. Unfortunately, it is the one crucial habit that is often practiced the least. Many expats, especially trailing spouses, were once overachievers whose self-worth was inextricably tied to their visible accomplishments. Moving to a foreign country can easily leave one feeling naked and vulnerable, starting fresh all over again in a world that may not readily acknowledge one’s previous achievements attained abroad. Hence, for many, including me, expat life is not always a smooth ride. As an expat, it’s absolutely crucial to extend the same kindness to yourself as you give to others.  We need to consider our mistakes as opportunities to learn rather than absolute failures. And we must be patient enough to understand that there will be many learning opportunities along the way. Take not only the time to learn about your new environment, but also find some quiet time for yourself to tune into your feelings. Expat life will forever change who you are and it’s only right to also get acquainted with your new self.

 

Being an expat is not for the faint of heart. It’s for those adventurous enough to pack their entire life’s possessions into a couple checked bags. It allows you to take only what’s the most essential, leaving behind all the extra unnecessary baggage and forcing you to re-define what’s actually important. It takes tons of courage, a hint of craziness, and relentless faith in one’s self to create a home in a foreign land.

But for the few who dare travel the road less traveled, I can guarantee you that they won’t look back with regret for having lived a life less ordinary. Rather, being an expat changes you forever, allowing you to feel more connected to the rest of the world and helping you to live a life well lived. Just like the joys of parenthood, while nothing can really prepare you 100% for life as an expat, hopefully these seven tips will get you to a place of genuine happiness as you seek out your new adventure.

Here’s to Finding Dutchland, wherever you may be.

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p.s. If you feel like wasting more time, come join me on my Facebook page for random updates about life in the Netherlands, raising kids, parenthood and other random stuff on the internet that I couldn’t resist sharing.

How To Celebrate King’s Day Like A (Dutch) Rock Star

24 April 2014
By

Arguably the best time to visit the Netherlands is in the end of April just in time to celebrate King’s Day (formerly known as Queens Day). Not only are the famous Dutch tulip fields in full bloom, but you’re going to be part of the world’s biggest street party. What makes this year particularly special is that for the first time in Dutch history, we will be celebrating King’s Day in honor of King Willem-Alexander.

 

In order to genuinely appreciate King’s Day, it’s crucial to have an understanding of the significance of this day. The United Kingdom of the Netherlands with a hereditary monarchy was only established a mere 195 years ago on the 16th of March 1815. Members of the House of Orange-Nassau, starting with William of Orange, have been in rule since 1559 as stadhouder (place-keeper). Interestingly, the first country in modern European history to establish a republic would become a hereditary monarchy in hopes of securing domestic stability.   There’s something quite endearing about a country renowned for its liberal, progressive ideas and tolerance to hold such an antiquated idea of being loyal servants to a monarchy. The Dutch taxpayers happily contribute approximately € 39,405,000 annually to the Dutch royal family (not including security costs). According to research conducted by Belgium professor Herman Matthijs, the Dutch royal family is the most expensive in Western Europe (more than the media’s all time favorite – the  British Royal family) and the taxpayers in the country proportionately pay the heaviest tax burden due to its relatively small population of almost 17 million people. To be completely fair, almost everyone, regardless of income, in Holland receives some form of subsidy anyway so it’s only right that our beloved royal family gets support too.

 

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King’s Day serves as a testament to how tradition and progressive ideas can peacefully co-exist, a national celebration of Dutch cultural identity and heritage in the context of modern life, liberties and entitlements.

 

Here are my insider tips on how to celebrate Kings Day like a Dutch rock-star:

 

1. We’re Gonna Party Like It’s Your Birthday.
The national holiday commemorating the Dutch crown is actually an annual birthday celebration. The first official Queen’s day (originally known as Prinsessedag) was celebrated on 31 August 1885, the birthday of then- princess heir apparent  Wilhelmina.  When her daughter, Queen Juliana took the throne in 1948, the celebrations were moved to the 30th of April to celebrate Queen Juliana’s birthday. Since April generally had more favorable weather conditions compared to January 30th, Juliana’s daughter Queen Beatrix choose to keep the day to celebrate her own special day. Like any awesome birthday party, timing has to be taken into consideration and King Willem-Alexander has graciously allowed the festivities to happen on the 26th of April which falls on a Saturday. For future reference, King’s Day will be celebrated on the 27th of April on the actual birthday of King Willem – 27th of April. MTV’s My Sweet 16 Birthday parties can’t hold a candle to how the Dutch royal family celebrates their birthday every year with their guest list of 16,850, 506 people plus tourists. Contrary to misguided belief, Amsterdam is not the only place where King’s Day is celebrated. The entire country turns into one giant birthday party scene, hence appropriately being called the biggest street party in the world.

Kings Day Cakes

 

2. Bleed Orange.
Orange is the national color of the Netherlands as a special nod to the royal House of Orange-Nassau. Not only is it customary to don on your Orange best, but the latest trend is how creative and crazy you can get. The more ridiculous the outfit, the better. Think of it like Halloween with “orange” as the central theme. Let your imagination guide the way. For costumes, check out Kruidvat, Blokker, Albert Heijn and Action.

 

3. Head Over to Utrecht on King’s Night To Sell Your Junk and Buy Some Treasures.
 Perhaps the most endearing attribute to all this Dutch pomp and circumstance over royalty is the nationwide flea market, the Vrijmarkt. It is the one time in the year where anyone and everyone can freely sell their stuff. And in true Dutch fashion, most of the stuff are at bottom low prices, encouraging camaraderie and brightening up the spirits of the traditionally frugal, stoic Dutch. Utrecht holds the coveted title of being the largest Vrijmarkt in the Low Countries. The Utrecht Vrijmarkt is a 24 hour extravaganza, beginning on Friday evening at 6:00pm (25 April 2014) and ends the following day at 6:00 pm on Saturday (26 April 2014).

 

4. Party on a boat in the canals of Amsterdam or Utrecht.
An absolute must to check-off your bucket list is to get on a party boat in the canals of Amsterdam. Reservations need to be made in advance (unless you have direct access to a boat yourself), but your careful, meticulous planning will pay off. Amsterdam canals are one of the most enchanting canals in the world and what better way than to celebrate King’s day on a boat with your friends? Come to think of it, wouldn’t it also be a memorable experience to get on a boat in Utrecht which was recently crowned as having the most beautiful canals in all of Europe? Which ever city you choose, Amsterdam or Utrecht, you can’t go wrong. Why choose? Try both.

 

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5. Start drinking beer (or champagne) at 11:00 am.
One of the most surprising and liberating aspects of living in the Netherlands as an American is how socially acceptable it is to start drinking before lunch on this national Dutch holiday. After seven years, I still can’t get over the state-sponsored public inebriation, complete with bars set-up on the streets. All the drinking of course leads to the infamous public urination stalls. Simply watch where you step and enjoy good old fashion drinking with your best buddies and random strangers – all for the gezelligheid of course. And if you have more discerning tastes, bottles of champagne are also sold for your drinking pleasure.

 

6. Enjoy Dutch delicacies such as herring sandwiches, kibbeling, poffertjes and Dutch fries.
 Forget eating at fine dining establishments and head over to the stands offering Dutch delicacies such as herring sandwiches, kibbeling, Dutch fries and bitterballen. Don’t forget to wash the salty treats with some more Dutch beer.

 

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7. Celebrate in mind that it’s a family affair.
King’s Day doesn’t discriminate against age. You’ll find everyone of all ages, from newborns to pensioners, all partying for the King’s birthday.  There will be face-painting, performances, games and sport events directed especially for children. There’s something admirable about the Dutch introducing responsible partying starting from the cradle, instilling the important cultural attribute of celebrating life till the grave. Is it a wonder then that the happiest kids in the world happen to reside in the Netherlands?

Wishing everyone a wonderful King’s Day festivities! P.S. If you’d like to waste more time, come connect with me on Facebook for updates about my life in the Netherlands as a mommy and other random stuff that I find interesting. Here’s to Finding Dutchland, wherever you may be.

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Why I am Not Throwing My Almost Two Year Old a Birthday Party

8 April 2014
By

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In a couple of days my son is going to turn two. I’m looking forward to it albeit my heart strings ache for the baby that’s no longer here and the excitement at the kind of boy he’s becoming.

 

And he’s not going to get a 2nd birthday party.

 

Before jumping into the judgemental band-wagon and classifying me as a cheapskate of a mother, let me provide you some background info.  I love celebrating life in general and usually get excited over any excuse to celebrate. My son had a 1st month introduction party, and a half-year birthday celebration before his first birthday extravaganza. For my son’s first birthday Nijntje-theme party, we rented the Chapel room of the Centraal Museum of Utrecht with 100 of our closest friends and family. To celebrate, he had his own catered buffet of Filipino delicacies served with Villeroy & Boch plates and cutlery, a dessert buffet with 12 different sweets, a play corner, a professional photo booth with accessories, a wishing corner and a three-manned refreshments table offering the finest organic juices and beverages. For his more discerning guests, he served ham and cheese sandwiches in the shape of Nijntje and their choice of unlimited Fristi and Chocomel.

 

Thrown in for good measure, my son also had his own private baptism with a choir and two accompanying guitarist. Of course, one of Amsterdam’s finest photographers to hallmark the special occasion was also there. He had two special outfits – a three piece Janie and Jack suit and tie and a Ralph Lauren button-up with matching corduroys to get dirty in later. Yes friends, it was a first birthday party that was truly memorable, no expenses spared for our little prince.

 

BUT…

 

My son was absolutely miserable, clinging desperately to me and his dad throughout the entire time.

 

And since I’ve now welcomed an open invitation for unwarranted criticism on my little space on the internet, here are my reasons for not throwing my son a 2nd birthday party:

 

1. The Costs
I really would love to simply throw a party in our backyard but I’m wise enough not to even bother praying to the weather gods of the Low Countries anymore.  Any venue able to accommodate all our guests plus food, decor and other miscellaneous rentals would cost as much as three round trip tickets to San Francisco. I’d like to start being more mindful of our expenses instead of going for broke. It’s a special privilege to be a stay-at-home mom and there’s no shame in being more kind to our fragile bank account.

 

And in the future when or if my son does ask for a party, I’m definitely going Dutch and literally severing only cake to all his guests – one piece each and off they go. Maybe I’ll throw in an extra cookie, or cupcake and one of those jumpy castles for good measure. Maybe.

 

2. The Guests
We really are blessed to have a lot of people who love and care for our little man. They’ve actually been incredibly generous with us throughout the years. But inviting them to these occasions without being able to spend quality time  is quite embarrassing and one step closer from testing the ties that bind. You also recognize their glass-eyed look of utter boredom that you’re are all too familiar with. And bless the hearts of parents who bring their children along, as well as ones who have no children at all. In fact, everyone and anyone who ever attends children’s birthday parties – there’s a special place in heaven for them.

 

Chances are birthday parties for the non-verbal and non-school age kids (the four and under crowd) are for the parents anyway. The sooner we’re all honest about this, the sooner we’ll all be happier. Perhaps birthday parties should be renamed as “Surviving the (insert year) of Parenthood”. Rather than giving the child another unnecessary present, wouldn’t it make more sense to give a bottle of wine, or champagne to commemorate the parents for keeping their child alive for another entire year?

 

3. The Gifts
Whether or not we ask for gifts, chances are that we were going to get gifts anyway. So confession time – I was one of those moms who actually specifically requested what gifts we would want for our son- either duplo, cold-hard cash, wooden toys or books. And we still ended up with a Chakra candle. I’d like to believe that my son is pretty advanced for his age, but I’m sure that a candle would be a perfect opportunity for a one year old to burn the house down.

My son has everything he could possibly need, or even want. Even in terms of books, which I used to be a firm believer that you could never have too much of – we’re one step closer for having to stage an intervention and keep it under control. Not to sound ungrateful, but I’d rather spend the money we threw on the party (see costs) on a memorable family trip than accumulate more material stuff that we don’t need.

 

4.  The Giveaway Goody Bag
Not only do we have to consider food and location expenses, but we’re also supposed to send all of our guests with parting gifts. The more “affordable options” consists of cheaply made, cancer causing plastics covered in toxic paint made in some obscure factory guilty of several human rights violations and are guaranteed choking hazards for babies. We all collectively suffer from having too much stuff – do we need to create another generation addicted to accumulating crap? As a firm believer in having some kind of consciousness for the environment, I thought I would sidestep the cheap, toxic crap by offering home-made sweets instead. In hindsight, I’m not sure whether avoiding the threat of cancer and choking, or causing an intolerable, murderous sugar high would be better.

And let me be the one who says it – you know those personalized giveaways with the picture and/or name of the birthday child and date? There’s a good chance that it will end up in the garbage bin along with unnecessary guilt for getting rid of it. Guaranteed future trash to continue polluting our planet earth.

 

5. The Time (Before, During and After)
Anyone who wants to throw a decent party knows how much a time investment it takes before, during and after. For a neurotic, detail-orientated mom like me, the planning in my head starts at least six months prior. Then there’s the actual preparation for the party days before and day of, a practice in the art of logistics and planning and more than a few helping hands. During the party, we’re preoccupied trying to make sure that there’s enough food, that the drinks remain free flowing and that the guests are okay. And I had to do it with a 12 kilo bundle of joy permanently attached to my hip. I don’t even want to write about the cleaning that goes on afterwards, even if a cleaning service was hired. Personally, I would rather spend the day giving undivided attention to my son and spending quality time as a family.

Let’s also not forget that the timing of the whole birthday party would actually be around the afternoon, an inconvenient time which coincides with my son’s regular two-to-three hour nap. God forbid he gets the idea that there’s a wonderful party happening all this time when he’s asleep. But more realistically, I know that my son would be giving Jekyll and Hyde a run for their money. Chances are he also might simply insist on simply sleeping through the majority of his own party (which he’s already done held on Halloween and Christmas). So why should I even bother inviting people to a party for someone who would rather be sleeping?

 

6. The Toddler
Excuse me for being presumptuous but most of the time, the three and under celebrants often appear stressed, tired and on the verge of an epic tantrum, nervous breakdown style (unless they already had one and are on to their second, or third). They say that children mirror their parents…

The last reason for not throwing my son a 2nd birthday party and arguably the most important – it would simply be for his sake. He’s a precocious child who loves, loves being outdoors. As his mother, it’s my duty and honor to nurture his highly sensitive soul. And though it’s also my responsibilities to set boundaries and to challenge him, I also need to be mindful of who he is. His birthday should be about celebrating him.

 

 

Shouldn’t a birthday celebration revolve around the wishes of the one we’re celebrating? Perhaps I’m also becoming a bit more Dutch in that I would rather have something low key for our little man for the gezelligheid (undefinable Dutch terminology evoking warm, happy cozy feelings). It would be less of the standard birthday party but more centered around him and all the things he loves to do, or would like to do.

 

Notice the apparent absence of the excuse that the child won’t remember it anyway? Pictures say a thousand words and maybe one day my son would be wondering what we did for his 2nd birthday. I’m prepared to let him know that we decided not to throw him one for his sake, that we wanted to make it special based on the child he was and not the child we thought we’d have. He’ll get an entire weekend with the undivided attention of his parents, a birthday cake, his favorite foods (probably dinner or lunch at sushi restaurant) and weather permitting, a trip to the zoo and a walk in the woods. And we’re still going to be taking pictures, tons of it actually.

 

My arguments for not throwing my toddler son a birthday party are obviously a byproduct of first-world problems.  I should be expecting thank-you notes from our dearest friends and family soon for NOT having to make them go through another three-to-four hours of torture. And if you happen to still get invited to a low-key event for our little Junior in the future, you can’t say you haven’t be warned.