Expatica Blog Competition 2013 “I Am Not A Tourist”

4 November 2013

” The reason why we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel. ”   -Steve Furtick

This past Sunday my family and I attended Expatica’s tenth annual “I am Not a Tourist Fair” in Amsterdam. We were also there to accept my first ever blogging award (2nd place!). Part of it, of course, entailed me having to go up the stage and read an excerpt from my blog post. Those who know me personally know that I suffer from stage fright. There’s a reason after all why I love writing rather than public speaking.

Nonetheless, I was grateful for the experience of getting out of my comfort zone. I see it as an opportunity for growth. What I loved most was actually meeting the other two contestants, Jess from Aesthetic Fauna (1st place) and Stew from Invading Holland (3rd place). I was also able to quickly say hello to Renée from Profesional Parents Network,   Olga from European Mama and Ute from Expat Since Birth. Writing can be a lonely experience and I naturally gravitate towards other kindred spirits who hold a special place for blogging (writing) in their lives.

I also loved seeing my husband, my partner-in-crime, looking at me while I was on stage with so much love and adoration. It was such a craptastic week.  Six consecutive days of 16 hour work days- him chasing entrepreneurial success and me being a stay-at-home mom to our highly spirited 18 month old toddler. Our life as a young expat family is physically taxing, mentally draining and emotionally exhausting.  It’s part of the bargain we both signed up for raising our son in a foreign country with no family support. We glanced at each other from across the room and exhale -we survived and despite all the challenges, little disappoints and heartaches, we smiled counting our blessings like stars in the sky.

Second place never felt so good. It was an honest, yet surreal place to be with a blog that’s only two months old. For those who voted for my blog, thank-you. It felt like a warm hug from a dear old friend welcoming me home to the world of writing. While I am beyond the point of being tired (exhausted to be more accurate) and I have a perpetual eye-twitch due to severe sleep deprivation, I love how blogging has made me feel more connected to the outside world. I hope you continue to find my blog as a place of camaraderie and re-assurance.

Here’s to Finding Dutchland, where ever you may be.

Houten Fall 2013

P.S.  My blog is only a snapshot of my life, a fleeting momentary glimpse of my Dutched reality. Stay connected with me on Facebook if you want a closer look of my life. Guaranteed additional insight that you won’t get here.

 

P.P.S. If you like being distracted and would love irreverant, random tweets, come follow me on Twitter.

 

Monday Morning Coffee

14 October 2013

This weekend was quite an unforgettable one with many firsts, especially since it was basically a three day celebration of Junior’s 18 months of life!

Here’s our weekend round-up:

Friday  A new, but dear blogger friend of mine just awarded me my first “blogger award” ever – the Liebster award.

On Friday evening, We enjoyed homemade Cubuano style Lechon (roasted pig) courtesy of Junior’s Ninang Rhea. We also made Leche flan (Filipino custard).

Saturday  We went to Dusseldorf (1.5 hour drive away) just to eat ramen noodles. These aren’t just any noodles of course. Thanks to modern day globalization, we’re able to enjoy to our heart’s content authentic ramen noodles flown in from Sapporo, Japan.  It was a pure delight seeing Junior have his first taste of ramen noodles from non-other than from a Japanese city renowned and revered for it’s authentic miso ramen noodles. And of course, as a nod to our Asian roots, we ate noodles to wish Junior a long and prosperous life.

dusseldorf ramen

We also took Junior to his first ever toy shopping spree. Now that he’s 18 months, he’s reached a new developmental milestone and in need of more toys to keep him entertained. At least, to keep distracted for three to five minute intervals.

Sunday We went to Hillsong Church in Amsterdam. Junior also went to a “creche” (child day care) during the service for the very first time. He was, of course, supervised the whole time with his dad. One of the most challenging aspects of moving to the Netherlands for me was leaving behind my community of faith. I’m still on a journey (which includes my husband and son) on finding a place of worship in Holland that speaks to our hearts and our souls. We’re a Roman Catholic family, but most importantly, we’re Christians who believe in having a personal relationship with God.

juniordusseldorf
As you can probably guess, Junior and I have a whole lot to process. It took him about an hour to fall asleep, sweetly babbling away on Sunday evening. He may not be talking yet, but I have a sneaking suspicion that my little man of few words is going to be one chatter box very soon.

Here are some fascinating links from last week:

The most fabulous IKEA hack EVER. Hands down uh-mazing toy to fill a toddler’s heart with glee.

Let’s all stop trying to live up to the Jones’. We’ll all be happier for it and a lot more financially secure.

Insightful love letter from a mom to her children -she’s on a mission to raise giants.

How big is your house?

And on that note, for a lot of people in the Netherlands where space is limited, here are some great ideas for shared children’s bedrooms.

There’s nothing like pumkin recipes to cozy down and embrace the beautiful, cold Dutch fall.

Happy Monday everyone!

Seven Things I Want My Son To Know By His Seventh Birthday

8 October 2013

In less than three days, my baby boy is officially going to be 18 months old. Never has the quote “The days are long, but the years are short” resonate so profoundly in me the moment I became a mother. My son will officially be known in Dutch culture as “anderhalf” (One and a half years old), just six months shy of being categorized as a “Peuter” (name for two to four year olds). Six months away from the terrible two’s (though in all honesty, I’ve been right in the middle of eccentric, strong-willed, classical two year old antics).

Thinking of his impending half-birthday made my mind wander to the next culturally significant milestone (for my Filipino parents) – his seventh birthday.  According to Filipino tradition, the 7th birthday is considered an important milestone.  Curiosity got the better of me so I decided to do my own research on exactly why is this particular birthday so special. I was actually quite disappointed to find out there there is no reliable source of information, or actual consensus as to why this age is so important to merit such pomp and circumstance. Perhaps it’s just another excuse to throw a celebration for party-loving Filipinos?

Junior 1st Birthday(Junior on his 1st birthday celebration: photo courtesy of Melody Rae)

 

Nonetheless, we will be throwing Junior a very special seventh birthday celebration. Writer Nell Minow eloquently articulates the importance of celebrations (such as family weddings), stating “Life does not give you a choice about the sad and the scary. They seek you out and track you down. Happy occasions hide behind the illusion that there will be a better time and another chance. But there will never be another moment to share this experience with these people.”

In the spirit of his future seventh birthday, I decided to make a list of seven things I want him to know by the time he turns seven.

1. Play is important
Please don’t be in a rush to grow up. If me and/or our dad seem to forget your need to play and explore, kindly remind us that childhood only happens once. Play with all your heart child. It’s our responsibility as your parents to make sure you have a happy one. And yes, childhood and play is synonymous in our humble opinion.

2. You are American and Dutch. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. More accurately, you are a citizen of the world. Your grandparents are Filipino, your godfather is Italian, and your godmother is South African. Some of your parents dearest friends (near and far) are Singaporean, Australian, Russian, Portuguese, Indonesian, Irish and Pakistani. Back in the U.S., your mom’s friends are African-American, Mexican-American, Nicaraguan-American, Chinese-American, Peruvian-American and White-American. The world is a beautiful place my child and embrace the gift of having so many cultures welcomed into our home.

3. Always have a kind heart. In comparison to the rest of the world, you were born with a silver spoon. Some would argue that because you’re born half-Dutch, you’re possibly one of the luckiest kids in the world because you’ll have your life pretty much set for you. However, that doesn’t make you entitled to feeling better than everyone else. Be kind. [ On that note, you should also know that you’re not entitled to anything (except your parents love). The world doesn’t owe you anything son and you have to work to make the world a better place.]

4. Know your manners. Saying please, thank-you, excuse-me and you’re welcome will be part of your daily vernacular.  You will greet older adults as “auntie” and “uncle” regardless of whether or not they are actually blood relatives because it is a sign of reverence.  Respect, on the other hand, is something that is earned and not freely given. However, that is also not an excuse to ever be rude.

5. Ask questions. I already know you’re such a curious little fellow. It’s my responsibility as a parent to nurture your curiosity. While at times your strong-will and eagerness to explore the world and discover new things may seem a bit exhausting for your mother, it’s essential for you to continue asking questions. If I don’t know the answer to your question, we can both sit down in front of a computer and google the answers.

6. You can always talk to me and your dad. No matter how busy or hectic our life may seem, know that we will always make the time to talk. You can tell me and your father absolutely anything and nothing you can ever tell us will make us love you or think of you any differently. We’re here to listen. You have a voice.

7. You will always be loved. Always. Never question that. You will always be loved by me whether I’m around or not. I’m a part of your heart (and you’re a part of mine) -my love for you will always be there no matter what.

Lola’s Sint

7 October 2013

Once a year, something truly magical happens in the Netherlands. The beginning of September marks the start of this long awaited 163 year old Dutch tradition. All over the Low Countries,  speculaas (spiced cookies), kruidnoten (mini spiced cookies), pepernoten (small aniseed flavored honey cookies), marzipan, almond filled pastries and chocolate letters start appearing on supermarket shelves in anticipation of this beloved event.

Can anyone guess what this tradition could be? Sinterklaas!

Anticipation builds up with the first appearance of theses Dutch Sinterklaas treats, followed by the official nationally televised arrival of Sinterklass and his Pieten. Director of the Dutch Center for Folk Culture Ineke Strouken’sDit Zijn Wij” (This Is Who We Are) recognizes the celebration of Sinterklaas as the most important tradition of modern day Dutch culture. The once reserved, pragmatic Dutch become sentimental fools, preparing months in advance for this special night when Sinterklaas and all his helpers, the Pieten, bring gifts to children and adults.

lolassint

The Dutch celebration of Sinterklaas and all the pure enchantment surrounding it is simply unbelievable until you witness it yourself.  Everyone is in on it -the government, the local municipality, cities, towns, villages, local businesses, offices, schools, parents and even children old enough to know the ruse. Utmost care and attention to detail is taken so that children (usually those 6 and under) wholeheartedly believe that on the eve of the 5th of December, Sinterklaas and his Pieten are going to leave each and every one of them a present.

Naughty children were once warned that they would be sent to Spain (where Sinterklaas and the Pieten live). However, children these days quickly caught on about the glorious Mediterranean hotspot promising sunnier horizons and delicious food. Thus, warning them that their misbehavior might lead them to a free trip to Spain isn’t usually recommended.

Inspired by this beloved Dutch tradition, Spanish Basque author and expat mother Kristina G. Langarika wrote a special Sinterklaas story called “Lola’s Sint” for her half-African daughter. Without giving too much away, Lola’s Sint is about a little girl named Lola who has an unforgettable adventure with the Pieten. For one wondrous night, Lola gets to join the Pieten and experiences first hand what goes behind the scenes on that special night.

lolasintauthor(Author Kristina G. Langarika and her daughter making Lola’s Sint)

My heart also jumped for joy when I found out that the story is also written in both Dutch and English. I was ecstatic to find a story that fosters the “one parent one language” (OPOL) system. Children’s books that cater towards the OPOL system are very few and are such a treasure to find.

What’s also amazing is that Langarika also illustrated the book herself along with her daughter’s help!  See the video below:

I highly recommend the book for children three years of age and older. My 17th month old son loved the vibrant, colorful illustrations but was not yet mature enough to follow the special tale.

For more information or if you’d like to order yourself a copy for your loved one, please go to www.lolassint.nl.

You can also grab yourself your very own copy of Lola’s Sint from these following bookstores:

Lauriergracht 71
1016 RH Amsterdam
tel: +31 (020) 626 42 3

 

Kalverstraat 152,
1012 XE Amsterdam
tel: +31 (020) 638 3821

 

Spui 12
1012 XA Amsterdam
The Netherlands
tel: +31( 020) 625 5537

The 1st reading of Lola’s Sint will be at The English Bookshop next Saturday (12 October 2013) at 10:30am. It is a free event but people should book in advance at: information@englishbookshop.nl

Disclaimer: Author Kristina G. Langarika has generously gifted my son his very own copy of Lola’s Sint. Please note, however, that my first responsibility is to my readers and I am committed to writing only honest reviews. As you can understand, being transparent, genuine and open with my readers is of utmost importance to me so opinions presented on Finding Dutchland will always be my own, and will not be influenced by compensation.

Monday Morning Coffee

7 October 2013

Hello everyone! Thanks for joining me for another round of Monday Morning Coffee. How was your weekend?

junioroct62013

For the first time in quite a while, we actually had a very relaxing weekend. No appointments, no agenda – simply relaxing and enjoying the gorgeous fall sunshine in the Low Countries. As much as I love catching up with friends and discovering new things in the Netherlands, I appreciate low-key, family bonding time any time. I also got much needed “me-time” to re-calibrate and process everything that happened since the start of my blog.

Here are a few interesting and fun posts around the web:

Learn the science of cooking from this free Harvard course. Fascinating.

A friendly reminder that childhood only happens once. 

Do time-outs really work?

Google+ authorship and blogging. Blogger solidarity, fight against plagiarism, increase traffic.

For those who can read Dutch, it’s time for a revolution at school.

Remembering the 80/20 rule when nurturing and making new connections.

Living in a houseboat, Amsterdam style.

53 quotes to get you thinking.

Eye-candy for your inner artistic self.

This 11 year old definitely danced his way into my heart (and everyone else’s).

Sweet Child of Mine

rina&junior

I can’t help but share one of my all time favorite posts that speaks to me as a mother who feels like a hot mess a lot of the time – The Mom Stays in the Picture.

Happy Monday everyone!

Secret to Happiness in the Netherlands As an Expat

25 September 2013

Do you really need to be here?” He asks, knowing all too well that my presence will distract our 17 month old toddler from the morning goal: to eat a bowl of oatmeal with blueberries. He scoops up some oatmeal dribbling from our son’s mouth. Our son gives me a big grin, and I get up from the table and head over to the kitchen before chaos ensues.

Cradling the coffee in my hands, I can’t help but stare at the two and smile.  While our son cheerily picks out blueberries from his bowl full of mush, my husband looks a bit annoyed. Mornings are a sacred time for him and our son, the fleeting time he has before work demands all of his attention. He may not get his Papa day, but he will get his quality time every morning. Mornings are his time with his son.

Mornings for me are to sleep in and when I wake up, a time for me to collect my thoughts. Amidst all my happiness, I’m also cognisant that life is a series of choices. And when I choose one path, I closed the door to another. There’s only so much sweetness that we can really taste –there’s also the bitter when it comes to missed chances, lost opportunities, and failed attempts.

When I pursued love instead of medical school, I also opened a floodgate of disapproval and rumors spiraled out of control. Bless my parents’ hearts for bearing the brunt of it among their status conscious peers and equally status conscious offspring. Walls have ears you know. But in-between the juicy gossip, please remember that people have feelings too.

For the official record-I never failed out of medical school. I simply never applied. I followed my soul-mate instead. I certainly made God laugh with my aspirations of medicine. What is in store for my future is between me and the good Lord above, and no one else to judge, ridicule, criticize and mock.

I now know that when my husband and I made the decision to raise our family here, our son would grow up without the loving, regular support of grandparents. We are to raise this child alone and if we wanted to see relatives, it would be on an appointment basis only, made at least 4 – 6 weeks in advance. There would be no built in childcare support network.

I’ll never be a doctor, a leading Health Economic consultant, or earn a PhD to be a Public Health professor.

I’ll never backpack to Macu Picchu without a care in the world, learn how to scuba dive, or sing on pitch.

I may never get to be a true Amsterdam Mama because the city is just simply beyond our affordability as a single-income household.

For the time being, I’ll be resigned to living the majority of the year with dark clouds and the constant threat of rain.

I’m aware of all of this and more.

However, while I’m living the oh-so-glamorous expat life in the Netherlands, I know that happiness is just right in front of me. Happiness really is a choice. Depression, a serious medical condition, is not.

I have a beautiful healthy, absolutely brilliant baby boy and an incredible and gorgeous modern day husband.

We have the most amazing, supportive, inspiring, wonderful set of friends and acquaintances that the universe has kindly bestowed upon us. These will be the “aunts, uncles, and cousins” that my son will grow up with.

I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back, more than enough food in the fridge, and clean water to drink.

We have universal health insurance and the privilege of staying at home with my son.

I desperately want to freeze time, to hold this perfect beautiful Wednesday morning and commit it to memory. Fresh tears start pouring down my face because I know that the life I have right now, the one with the charming, highly spirited toddler, is not going to last forever.

And then, as I wipe away those tears, I practice what I argue is the best kept secret for finding happiness in the Netherlands.

Gratitude.

Try it today. I promise it can make you happier. Here’s a video from Soulpancake just in case you still don’t believe me.

Monday Morning Coffee

23 September 2013

Hello everyone! Thank-you so much for visiting my blog! From what I gather, I’ve been making a bit of a stir among the Dutchies and the expats with my recent post about why Dutch kids are happy.

An an undercover introvert, I must confess that I’m both grateful for all the attention and feeling a bit overwhelmed. I apologize in advance for not responding to emails and messages and hopefully will get back to all of you soon. Nonetheless, I am really grateful that you guys took the time out to read what I have to write, reach out to me and I hope you continue coming by.

After a fun-filled, amazing time with our dearest friends, albeit over-scheduled weekend, my family and I are looking forward to a relatively quiet week. I have a sneaking suspicion that my temperamental toddler had enough of play-dates, impromptu dinners, and birthday parties. Perhaps his twenty minute inconsolable, tantrum this morning was a sign of no more missed naps.

 

photo(3)(Monday morning art theraphy to start the week)

Every Monday, I’m going to start sharing articles that I found worth reading. I’ve realized that although we’re inundated with so much information thanks to the world wide web, there are still tons of really helpful and “aha” articles worth re-posting. It’s just a matter of trying to organize and sort through all the information that’s a challenge (at least for me!) Perhaps doing a post once a week (Monday) can help.

And since happiness is contagious, I will try to start every Monday with articles that have made me smile, laugh, inspired and feel more connected to the world. So let’s start off with my favorites from last week:

What all parents really need to know.

Clever idea-  Forget Samsung and Apple. This is the future.

Where honesty will take you.

The 21 Habits of Supremely Happy People.

Lola’s Sint.

An Ode to Whole Foods.

Poignant read for any parent. Have some tissues ready.

 

Hope everyone has a good start on this first official Fall Monday!

The 8 Secrets of Dutch Kids, the Happiest Kids in the World

19 September 2013

According to Unicef’s most recent Child Well Being in Rich Countries survey, Dutch kids ranked as the happiest kids in the world. Dutch kids led the way in three out of the five categories, namely- material well being, educational well being, and behavior and risks.

happiest kids in the world

Unicef Germany isn’t the first research organization to come to this conclusion. Surveys conducted by Britain’s Child Poverty Action Group, the World Health Organization, and Unicef International have all reached unanimous conclusions as to the happy state of Dutch children.

Why exactly are Dutch kids the happiest in the world? As a seasoned expat mom living in stereotypical Dutch suburbia, it isn’t too hard for me to indulge in 8 secrets as to why I think Dutch kids are the happiest kids in the world.

 

1. Their Dutch parents are among the happiest people in the world.

It shouldn’t be surprising that the happiest kids in the world also have parents who are also among the happiest people in the world. According to  United Nation’s first World Happiness Report just released last week, the Netherlands ranks fourth as the happiest nation on earth. Happiness, measured as an indicator for social progress, was taken quite seriously. It’s definitely a no brainer that in general, happy parents equal happy kids.

 

2.  Their Dutch moms are genuinely happy.

happiest kids in the world

 

Dutch psychologist and journalist Ellen de Bruin has written a book titled “Dutch Women Don’t Get Depressed” illustrating the phenomenon. According to Ellen de Bruin, “Personal choice is key: in the Netherlands people are free to choose their life partners, their religion, their sexuality, we are free to use soft drugs here, we can pretty much say anything we like. The Netherlands is a very free country.”

Unlike their American counterparts and the rest of women in the world, glamour, hospitality and charm do not rank high in a Dutch woman’s priority list. De Bruin makes several sweeping generalizations about Dutch women, namely that Dutch women don’t know how to dress (mainly due to choosing practicality when biking everywhere), will send someone away if they arrive unexpectedly during dinner time, and are quite bossy to their men.

Perhaps a main factor why Dutch women are so happy is that they’ve found the perfect work-life balance. Dutch mommies are leading the way with the largest share of women working part time of all OECD countries, with 68% of Dutch women working only part time, roughly 25 hours a week.

In journalist Lisa Belkin’s Huffington Post article “What Mothers Really Want: To Opt Inbetween (Infographic)“, an overwhelming majority of moms would actually like to work part-time as an ideal balance between home and work.  According to Belkin, Hulafrog’s survey of 2,127 U.S. women with children at home under the age of 18 concluded that 65 percent would work part-time, only 9 percent would work full-time and 26 percent would stay home.

 

3. Their Dutch Dads play a more equal role in child-rearing by also having part-time jobs and being more hands on.

happiest kids in the world

A New York Times article “Working (Part-Time) in the 21st Century” highlights the Dutch culture of part-time work. By 1996 the Dutch government gave part-time employees equal status to that of full timers, paving the way for a more balanced work-life reality for its citizens. Like their female counterparts, more and more Dutch dads are squeezing in a full-time job in just four days and dedicating one day a week with their kids. “Papa dag” (Daddy day) has become not only part of the Dutch vocabulary, but becoming more of a standard norm as one in three men are also opting for part-time work. Dutch dads take their parenting seriously, playing a more balanced role in parenting.

 

4. Dutch kids feel no pressure to excel in school and have very little stress. They have no homework or have very little and thus have plenty of time to play after school.

Dutch elementary students under the age of ten usually do not have any homework and are simply encouraged to enjoy learning.Upon completion of primary school at the age of 12, Dutch pupils take a multiple choice CITO test which determines their relative intelligence level and heavily influences what corresponding high school they could attend.

Thus, Dutch high school students also do not face the notorious pressure of taking the SATs or ACTs or ever attaining academic excellence. There is, for the most part, no formal competitive university application process.

This happy relaxed attitude towards school for Dutch kids really hits home for me. I can still vividly recall the external and internal pressure to get into the “right college” from the moment I stepped into my first Freshman class in high school. To think that my son can simply attend school just for the sake of learning rather than focusing on his actual academic performance boggles my mind.

 

5. They can eat chocolate sprinkles, or slices of chocolate with butter on their white bread for breakfast. Every single morning. No kidding.

happiest kids in the world

I was actually tickled when the United Nation’s assessed that the Dutch kids ate healthy breakfasts.
A traditional Dutch breakfast, whether you are a child or an adult, actually often consists of a piece of white bread, butter and chocolate sprinkles. Their Dutch lunch, which often includes a variation of a slice of bread with a piece of cheese, or a thin slice of ham, doesn’t seem to be too much healthier either.

On a serious note, Unicef concluded that Dutch children and teens reported eating breakfast with their family on a regular basis. In no other country do children have breakfast with their families as regularly as they do in the Netherlands. Not only is eating breakfast associated with better performance in school and decreased behavioral problems, but eating breakfast daily as a family creates opportune time for family bonding and fostering individual identity and growth.

 

6. They have a right to express their own opinions.

Dutch children are the type that are both seen AND heard. From the moment they can formulate an opinion, Dutch children are given a voice and Dutch parents intently listen.

 

7. They have Oma day!

If you ever find yourself at the playground on a weekday, chances are you’re also going to run into a Dutch Oma (grandmother) with her grandchildren. A lot of Dutch grandmothers take great pride in helping out their children, playing a pivotal role in their grandchildrens lives. By having regular, once a week childcare services from Oma, moms and dads can better attain their life-work balance. Having Oma around is great for a child’s self-esteem.

 

8. The Dutch government gives families money every month to help with expenses.

We all know that raising children can be very expensive. According to USDA,  a child born in 2012 to age 18 will cost parents approximately $241,080. That’s a whole lot of money.

Despite the looming economic crisis and various cuts in subsidies on this side of the pond, Dutch families will still continue to get money from the Dutch government. Specifically, Dutch families will continue to receive a child allowance,  a child benefit stipend (an income-dependent allowance for the cost of children), the combination discount (a fiscal break for combining work and caring for children) and the childcare allowance. I don’t know about you, but I’m not one to complain if I’m given money to raise my child.

 

Obviously, our current reality doesn’t fit the Dutch model for a stereotypical family setup. My husband is an entrepreneur with no option for working part-time and I am a stay-at-home mom. We are, however, also quite happy because we’re living the life that we want to live. Living in the Netherlands has afforded us the luxury to live this more traditional model. And despite how exhausting it is for me to be chasing around my precocious toddler son all day long, I thank God everyday for having the opportunity to do so. Here’s to finding happiness in Dutchland!

 

P.S. Like the photos that you see you? Than you’ll probably enjoy my Instagram or come connect with me with me at my Facebook page. We’re a friendly bunch. I promise.

 

P.P.S. Care to learn about another secret of Dutch kids? Check out Postpartum Care and What We Can Learn from the Dutch

7 Reasons for Expat Families To Hire an Au Pair

16 September 2013
“I am in a season of my life right now where I feel bone tired almost all of the time. Ragged, how-am-I-going-to-make-it-to-the-end-of-the-day, eyes burning exhausted.” Steve Wiens

aupair
Everyone knows that it takes a village to raise a child. What about those families who aren’t part of a village? Who lack a strong social support network of relatives and friends willing to graciously babysit on a regular basis? My husband and I are one of those families. Our village is very small – it consists of only me, my husband and our 17 month old toddler son. This reality if often the case for many expat families.

What is an expat family to do? Many expat families i(and Dutch families too) n the Netherlands choose to hire an au pair. An au pair,  a French term meaning “at par or equal to“, is a young foreigner who provides live-in child care as part of a cultural exchange program. As glamorous as hiring an au pair sounds, our primary motivation is actually down-to-earth: we really need help.

Having an au pair is not for every expat family. Not only does it require an extra spare bedroom (a rare commodity in the Netherlands), it also means having to open your home and heart to a stranger from another culture for an entire year. When you hire an au pair, you are inviting someone to be a member of your own family.

Now that we’re 17 months into parenthood, my husband and I have decided to hire an au pair. We’re quite nervous about it but we’re confident that we’ve made the best decision given our toddler’s temperament and our current circumstances. Here are our  7 reasons for expat families to hire an au pair:

Top 7 Reasons for Expat Families to Hire an Au Pair:  

1. An Extra Pair of Hands at Home (Convenience)
It’s an incredibly convenient to have an extra caregiver living right under your roof. Parents of babies, toddlers and young children know intimately well that life is always full of adventure (sleepless nights, teething, run-of-the-mill colds, clingyness, tantrums, etc). For many first-time parents, simply getting out of the house becomes a 40 minute escapade. Having an au pair at home would help with the everyday challenges and chaos of parenthood. For pregnant moms, especially those in the later stages of pregnancy, or those suffering from morning sickness, having someone play with your toddler can make a world of a difference.

Another definite bonus for having an au pair is that your child stays in the comfort of your own home which can be especially useful during unfavorable weather conditions.

2. Childcare on A Schedule You Set (Flexibility)
In comparison to traditional child care such as crèche (day care), when you have an au pair, you can actually create a schedule that works best for you and your family. Keeping in mind that an au pair can only work 30 hours a week and no more than 8 hours a day, this lends to a lot greater flexibility to accommodate your family’s schedule. There is no added stress of picking up your child on time.

3. Assistance with Household duties
Having an au pair who can help with light household chores would definitely reel in the daily chaos. An au pair can, within reason, do tasks such as daily vacuuming, cleaning up the kitchen, managing the dishwasher (putting dirty dishes in and putting clean dishes and silverware back to the proper places), preparing simple meals, small grocery shopping, and laundry.  Please keep in mind that an au pair is not a substitute for a maid.

4. Opportunity for Cultural Exchange
Having someone from another culture come into your home can broaden your family’s world. It’s a great chance to also share your own values and perspective.

5. Affordability
The financial costs of an au pair are considerably less than other traditional forms of child care such as créche, a nanny and the occasional babysitter. In addition to providing room and board, an au pair receives pocket money of €300-340 a month for 30 hours of help. Other costs to keep in mind are the au pair agency fees,  Entry and Residence Procedure (TEV procedure) costs if the au pair is not an EU/EEA or Swiss citizen, health insurance, €275 euros Dutch language courses or personal development classes.

6. Personalized Attention and Care
While it’s hard to argue that the best care a child can receive is in the loving watch of his/her mother and hands-on father, having an au pair who can give your child her undivided attention can be very beneficial.

7. Time for to nurture yourself and your marriage
While our son is our utmost priority, we believe that it is really important to take care of ourselves and our marriage too. We would love to start going to the gym together again which we haven’t done for the past 17 months. We have only  gone out on dinner dates, just the two of us, less than five times since embarking on this journey towards parenthood.

In the long run, hiring an au pair is probably the best investment you can make for your over-all well being as an expat parent!

Click here for official information about Au Pairs in the Netherlands (IND website)

My Mom is a Foreigner, But Not To Me

12 September 2013

 

my-mom-is-foreigner

 

When I learned that Juliane Moore authored a children’s book titled “My Mom is a Foreigner, but Not to Me”, it hit a raw nerve. The book instantly made it to my Christmas Wish List.

I’m a mother to a 17 month old toddler son in a country that I have yet to call home. Ironically, I’m also the child of strangers from a different shore. My mother immigrated to the United States with three year old me and my one and a half little brother to join my Filipino-American father.  We were among the very last to leave the motherland, leaving behind the legacy of a poverty-stricken country and inheriting all the hopes, dreams and ambitions of several generations of my father’s family.

Living in the Netherlands has caused me to have an existential crisis (understatement). I grew up feeling and believing I was (am) American. I was merely a Filipino by convenience, mostly to appease my parents.  Home to me was the San Francisco Bay Area (San Francisco and Berkeley).

I watched countless hours of Sesame Street, The Little Prince, Fragglerock, Duck Tales, Gummy Bears, Punky Brewster, Full House, The Rugrats, Mr. Rogers, Doggie Howser, Family Matters, The Fresh Prince of Bell Air, The Golden Girls, Growing Pains, MacGyver, Boy Meets World, The Wonder Years, and ER. I was practically raised on TV, just like most American kids of my generation. Childhood was littered with memories of dodgeball, hopscotch, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, youth orchestra, and piano lessons.

I also grew up with parents that spoke English with a very heavy Filipino accent. My mother only cooked Filipino foods. Any celebration (birthday party, anniversary, graduation, holiday) came with the prerequisite  bottomless Filipino dishes of lumpia (spring rolls), pancit (noodles), adobo (chicken stew) and leche flan  (custard). I had to call all the adults “auntie” and “uncle” regardless of whether, or not they were actually related to us.

My brothers and I became obnoxious Americanized Filipino kids to the disdain of our ultra conservative, traditional Filipino parents. We were quite good at imitating their accent, of making sweeping generalizations about the Philippines colored by the experiences of our parents, and begged them to wake up to the reality that they were raising their kids in the United States, not in the Philippines. Eventually, my adolescent and adoltestant years gave me the freedom to pick and choose aspects of Filipino culture that appealed to my American sensibilities. I embraced being Filipino-American.

Yet, when I went to join my now-Dutch husband in the Netherlands, I was slapped for the first time with racist overtures and derogatory prejudices. I was ostracized for being different. This was not imagined. My race and subsequent judgements about my race established their perception of me and led to many colorful interactions. My San Francisco bubbled popped.

There were so many instances when I could feel people’s discomfort the moment I open my mouth to speak, their ears betraying what their eyes were showing them. Others would complement just how well I spoke English and sounded like an American. Polite questions of “where do you come from” would be met with my standard reply, followed by the more intrusive question, “where do you really come from”.

Perhaps part of my heightened sensitivity to being a foreign mom in the Netherlands is that my beautiful half-Dutch son is officially categorized by the local Dutch municipality as an Allochtoon. My sweet, sweet boy born in Utrecht with a Dutch father who dearly loves him is labeled as “originating from another country“. Oh Holland, dear Holland, please love him as one of your very own because I promise you he will one day make you very proud.

More than once has my parenting skills, especially because I carried my baby, been described as being reminiscent to African mothers in the bush. I don’t know whether or not they were insulting me, or giving me a genuine compliment.  Remaining optimistic, I guess they were just mesmerized by the fact that my baby rarely cried and possibly in awe of my mothering skills. After all, Dr. Harvey Karp (Happiest Baby on the Block) asserts that in traditional cultures such as those in Africa and in Bali that practiced baby-carrying, colic doesn’t exist. Mental note: “Don’t you worry your pretty little mind; people throw rocks at things that shine …”

Though as challenging as it is being a mother from a different shore, I also love how living in the Netherlands has opened up my world to wonderful people all around the world – Singapore, South Africa, Italy, Australia, India, Indonesia, the Philippines, Pakistan, Portugal, Turkey, Morocco, Greece, Poland, England, Belgium, Germany, Austria, Russia, Latvia, Sweden, Nigeria, and Switzerland. Let’s also not forget about the amazing Dutch who get me and those that don’t really but still open their heart to my foreign ways.

We are still on the fence of truly embracing the quintessential Dutch tradition of Sinterklaas. We rarely ever eat potatoes, a typical component of a Dutch dinner. There is no Apple stroop and Dutch hagelslag (chocolate sprinkles) in our cabinets. Forget about Fristi and Chocomel ever finding its way into our fridge. And my blossoming foodie toddler refuses to eat bread, an essential staple of the standard Dutch breakfast and lunch.

I cannot wait to read “My Mom is a Foreigner, but Not to Me” to my son. And the longer we stay in the Netherlands, the higher the chances of me and him possibly facing cross-cultural battles. But that’s a long way away.

As far as my 17 month old toddler son is concerned, I’m his mommy. I sing to him all the songs I grew up with– namely, You Are My Sunshine, Baby Baluga, Head Shoulders Knees and Toes, The Wheels on the Bus, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and the Itsy Bitsy Spider. I speak to him exclusively in English, my native tongue. He’ll grow up knowing that I’m a proud daughter of California and will always bleed blue and gold. He has warm meals three times a day. I plan to teach him to be mindful of all his blessings, counting them like stars in the sky. At the right moments, I’ll tell him that “I love to watch you play“. And I pray that he will always know and feel that he is  loved.

I hope to teach him mindfulness of others. I want to teach him to really listen to other people’s stories. I want to relish in the wonder that’s reflected in my son’s eyes as he discovers the world  around him. I’m looking forward to re-discovering the Netherlands, one seen from the eyes of a more patient, forgiving and understanding mother.

Thus begins a new chapter in my life – Finding Dutchland.