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Dutch Birthday Treats (Traktatie)

9 June 2016
By

birthday-treat

The pragmatic Dutch approach life as sensibly and realistically as possible, without too much fuss, stress or pomp and circumstance. But birthdays are an entirely different phenomenon. The Dutch are refreshingly sentimental about them, “congratulating” the birthday celebrant, parents, siblings, significant others and anyone close to them really. I initially found it strange that a congratulations was in order for simply surviving another year.

 

The Dutch even have the cultural practice of having a ‘birthday calendar’ perfectly posted on the bathroom door so you can inspect it when you’re sitting on the toilet first thing in the morning. It’s a faux pas not to give birthday greetings to loved ones and even acquaintances.

 

There’s a tradition of bringing a traktatie, a little treat, to school (and work). But here’s the caveat: there doesn’t seem to be any overachieving Dutch moms who foster silly social expectations about the heights these school traktaties should reach. (Though maybe there really is a traktatie production behind the scenes that as a foreigner I can nonchalantly ignore.)

 

It’s actually often a bragging right if a mom (or dad) discovers an easy, cost-effective and time efficient manner to make the treats.  

 

The fourth birthday is an important one. It’s when a child informally “graduates” from preschool (or créche) and heads over to the local elementary school. So the fourth birthday is both a celebration of the day of their birth and a bittersweet farewell to a special stage in their life.

 

The American mom in me couldn’t resist taking this as an opportunity to let the often repressed, wanna-be Martha Stewart come out. I wanted to give a special treat to my son’s preschool classmates and a token of appreciation to his three teachers. But I also looked forward to the Dutch mentality of not over-stressing. (Starting next year, I’ll definitely get him to help out on making his birthday treats.)

 

I decided that Bram’s fourth birthday treat would be miniature cupcakes and a 3D pencil giveaway card. I outsourced the miniature cupcakes to my talented baker friend Sweettoot which saved me time and still ticked off on the homemade (read = made with love) taste.

 

Added bonus: Bringing a birthday treat is also a great way sneak in a little 15 minute party at the end of the day at school. The preschool teachers are experts in entertaining the two to four year-olds with various birthday songs; there’s a built-in, cost-free venue, minimal preparation and clean-up, and no hurt feelings since everyone is invited.

 

How To Make a 3D Pencil Giveaway Card

 

Step 1

Take a picture of child with his arm extended into a fist. Don’t hesitate going paparazzi as it may take several shots to get the desired 3D effect that you are going after.

 

Step 2

Customise picture using whatever photo-editing software you feel the most comfortable with (Photoshop and Pic Monkey are easy).

 

Step 3

Print however many photos you need.

 

Step 4

Using a paper knife (or a really sharp knife with a small blade), cut one slit above the first and another slit below the fist.

 

Step 5

Insert pencil (or whatever it is you want to add).

 

Step 6

Admire your handiwork and feel like Martha Stewart.

 

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What Disney Can Learn from the Efteling

25 May 2016
By

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For my son’s fourth birthday celebration, we decided to celebrate it at the Efteling in lieu of a party. We would spend two nights and three days at the Efteling Village Bosrijk, a holiday village that is part of the amusement park. We wanted something memorable, easy, convenient, that required absolutely no planning, or creativity on our parts. (Read = exhausted expat parents).

 

The Efteling is the Dutch version of Disneyland – a theme park dedicated to classic fairytales, rollercoasters, water rides and other attractions. But in reality, the Efteling is actually the original family-oriented theme park established in 1952. Whispers abound that Walt Disney himself happily took notes and inspiration from the Efteling to create Anaheim’s Disneyland three years later (not true).  

 

Though I haven’t visited any of Disney theme parks with my boys, it’s not hard for me to recollect the memories from my childhood of beloved rides – It’s a Small World, Mad Tea Party, the Matterhorn, and Pirates of the Caribbean. And of course,  Disney Grad Night when my entire high school class flew down to Los Angeles to party with thousands of other graduating seniors from 12:00 A.M. till 7:00 A.M. So when I begrudgingly agreed to go (I had an irrational “loyalty” to Disney), I was quite surprised with just how refreshingly magical the Efteling was.

 

From an American perspective,  I’m convinced it’s one of the best kept secrets of the Netherlands (What American has actually heard of the Efteling?). I’m actually so enamoured with my Efteling experience that I wished Disneyland would take some notes from this Dutch staple.  In particular, these are the things that Disneyland can learn from the Efteling:

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It’s gezellig (Old-fashion charm)

To appreciate the old-fashioned charm of the Efteling, you need to learn about the Dutch concept of gezelligheid. It’s pronounced with a guttural g as if you’re clearing your throat: heh-zel-ick-hide.  Gezelligheid is an  untranslatable word that encompasses the feelings of warmth, love, coziness, and belonging. Imagine drinking a cup of hot chocolate milk by the fireside when it’s freezing outside, or waking up to homemade pancakes for Sunday brunch. The Efteling feels like it’s straight out of a Normal Rockwell painting – good old-fashioned charm and nostalgia centered around family values and children. It not only looks old-fashioned (circa 1950s time warp), but it also feels as if time stood still. It’s essentially a beautifully manicured garden with thousands of flowers, with every single detail meant to make you feel at home right away.  

 

Unadulterated Fairytales

At the heart of the Efteling is the Fairy Tale Forest, a 12-acre maze of interactive, beautifully designed dioramas designed by illustrator and painter Anton Pieck and engineered by film director Peter Reijnders. The twenty-five dioramas are based on unadulterated fairy tales from the Grimm brothers, Hans Christian Anderson and Charles Perrault. Think of it as what you get if Tim Burton and Pixar Animation Studios collaborated together and created something refreshingly authentic based on tales of yore. I loved seeing old-school fairy tales come to life through the eyes of my toddler – Little Red Riding Hood, Pinocchio, Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, Fairies, The Emperor’s New Clothes, etc. (And it worked – he’s now really into being read fairytales before bed).

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Affordability

Efteling tickets are quite affordable – starting at € 35 for a day pass, not at $100 like some other places. And knowing the Dutch love affair of a good bargain, there are often discounts available at local grocery stores at certain times a year and online. It’s wonderful how the Efteling theme park is generally accessible to the middle-class without the fear of going broke.  An added bonus: not only are you allowed to bring your own food and drinks, but there are plenty of picnic tables and benches scattered around to enjoy.

 

A Considerably Less Commercial Experience

It’s quite a relief that the Efteling is a considerably much less commercial experience – not an endless landmine of temptation, heartache, disappointments, and negotiating with exhausted and overstimulated children. I could only recall two gift shops – one at the entrance and one midway – selling reasonably priced souvenirs, and tastefully incorporated within the backdrop. The focus is on the experience and memories made at the Efteling, not the illusion of purchasing “happiness” though prohibitively expensive movie-tie-in paraphernalia.

 

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BONUS Holle Bolle Gijs – A Talking Bin

Holle Bolle Gijs is a talking trash bin that yells out “Papier hier, papier hier ” (paper here, paper here) over and over again to the amusement and pure joy of toddlers and adults alike. When something is placed in the bin, Holle Bolle Gijs says Thank-you in different languages, or “Dat’s lekker” (that’s delicious). No wonder the Efteling is incredibly immaculate – they’ve ingeniously “tricked” all the little children to collect rubbish to place in Holle Bolle Gijs mouth. Suffice to say, our four year old spent considerable time making sure that Holle Bolle Gijs was well-fed.

 

A Love Letter to the Netherlands

3 May 2016
By

A Love Letter to the Netherlands

 

Dear Dutchland,

You’re officially known as the Netherlands mainly by the Dutch, but often referred to simply as Holland by the rest of the world, or the Low Countries for those who are more intimately acquainted with you. But to me, you are “Dutchland”, the world in which I choose to see you and turn my face towards the sun (if we’re lucky and it’s around).

Visiting Amsterdam to enjoy your country’s liberal attitude towards certain illicit behaviours is what you’re (in)famous for. But actually moving here and setting up roots, especially in one of your villages, is not a “thing” like moving to Paris, or somewhere under the Tuscan sun.

Celebrating King’s Day, Liberation Day and Memorial Day has put me in a reflective mood. There are several facets of life here that has enriched mine and my family’s life. Let me count the ways.

 

Being fashionably thrifty

It’s quite refreshing to live in a culture that embraces the virtue of living within one’s means. The Dutch understand that #thestruggleisreal and don’t try to put up to pretenses. Perhaps the best known example is the urban legend about Prime Minister Willem Drees and an American diplomat after World War II. When the American diplomat came to visit the Prime Minister’s home to discuss what America could do to support the Dutch economy, apparently Mrs. Drees served him a cup of tea with just ONE cookie. The American was so shocked at the meager hospitality that he considered it a clear indication that the Dutch needed a lot of assistance to climb out of poverty. Little did the American know that the “one cookie experience” and the modest home was simply Dutch thriftiness.

 

The biking life

The bicycle isn’t some trendy hipster accessory. It’s an actual means of transportation for the Dutch. And I’m a certified bakfiets (cargo bike) mommy which is akin to the suburban American mom with a minivan. Though at times it can be a pain biking through hail, snow, wind, and rain – sometimes all in one day – I’m grateful for the regular dose of exercise and not to be living a big portion of my life stuck in traffic and fighting for parking spaces. I also look forward to the days when my kids can cycle independently to and from school, their various sports practices and whatever it is on their social agenda.

 

Love Letter to the Netherlands

 

Yes to sandwiches for breakfast and lunch and pancakes for dinner

A Singaporean expat friend once asked me, “What’s the difference between a Dutch breakfast and a Dutch lunch?”  I was stumped.

She answered,  “The three hours in between the two meals.”

Once you get past the monotony of having sandwiches for breakfast and lunch, you realize how pragmatic and genius it is. No need to think or spend precious time preparing elaborate meals. Adulting with a four-year-old and a baby has been so much easier thanks to the no fuss approach to meals. Just set the table with breads, slices of cheese, butter and hagelslag and they’re happily eating. On days when we just had enough of all the crying and tantrums, we can just serve pancakes for dinner. And since the Dutch are the tallest people in the world, this way of eating can’t be detrimental to the physical development of children.

 

Refreshingly direct and honest communication

The Dutch are often mistaken for being rude and too opinionated, especially by expats. But after living here almost ten years, I’ve learned to bite the bullet and appreciate it. After all the tears and insecurities, I’ve developed a thick skin. I always know where I stand. And I’m convinced it’s one of the reasons why I’m so much happier – no second guessing, no passive aggressive communication, no uncertainty. If anything happens to be lost in translation, we can all just have a meeting to talk it out. And as they say, all the problems in the world can be solved with a pot of tea and a heart to heart.

 

Not giving a f*ck

One of the most liberating aspects of living in this country is that the Dutch don’t seem to give a f*ck. They live life according to their values and don’t try to live up to societal standards or bow to the pressure to be perfect and successful. It extends to parenting where they try their absolute best, but at the end of the day, being good enough more than suffices. And their parenting approach leads to their kids being the happiest in the world.

 

Love,

Rina Mae

P.S. If you love procrastinating and want to join an awesome Facebook community, come join our page. I promise I won’t be too annoying.

How To Succeed In Your 30s

18 June 2015
By

dutchmomonbike

I’m now well into my thirties where motherhood and finding my calling take center stage. Being 31 weeks pregnant with baby number two and having a career opportunity help solidify those feelings. Since I’m riding high on pregnancy hormones, it’s the perfect opportunity to wax poetic about how to succeed in life in your 30s. And when I mean “succeed”, what I am actually referring to is how to acquire the overachiever’s ultimate, ever-so-elusive trophy – genuine happiness.

 

What do I know about happiness? The self-deprecating, overly apologetic and polite Asian-American in me is tempted  to write :  not a lot really. Yet if I am truly honest with myself and my readers, I have to admit that overall, my life is pretty wonderful mainly because I’ve decided to go Dutch. (Though please don’t confuse my behind-the-scenes life as equating to perfect because I too have a whole laundry list of first world problems.)

 

Spending my 30s in the Netherlands -the world’s epicenter for happy babies, kids, and adults – is quite helpful and even inspiring. Living in close proximity to Utrecht, one of the happiest places in the world, reinforces the overall message of happiness. It seems that simply being Dutch is an almost universal guarantee for being happy. With their trademark blend of refreshing directness, liberal attitudes and keen sense of fairness, the Dutch seem to know a lot about living a life well-lived.

 

I still have a lot to learn from these beautiful (and sometimes intimidating) giants that tower over me. I am also convinced that it’s when you’ve outgrown the narcissistic 20s and you find yourself on the landing on the stairs, that you are more open to this alternative lifestyle free from the status quo. So for now, here are some things from Dutch culture that get to the very heart of accomplishing happiness in your 30s (and for the rest of your life):

 

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Live within your means.

It’s actually quite refreshing to live in a culture where being thrifty is admired and encouraged. Life in the Netherlands, like the United States, can actually be prohibitively expensive. The struggle is real folks. Thankfully, keeping up with the Joneses mentality doesn’t exist here and is frowned upon. People in the Netherlands work to live, not live to work, mastering the fine art of life and work balance.

 

Don’t ever apologize for who you are.

Be honest with who you are and trust your intuition. Accept the reality that not everyone will like you when you follow your heart and your guts. Life isn’t about winning a popularity contest. Just dust the dirt of your shoulders when it comes to trolls and mean girls.

 

Say what you mean and mean what you say.

Though it definitely takes some time getting used to, Dutch directness can do wonders for your mental health. The Dutch have no qualms saying what is on their minds and letting you know about it. There’s no second guessing, no trying to figure out nuances, no anxiety. It’s clear from the start. And you’re equally expected to speak your mind. Be brave and let the words come out.

 

Always err on the side of kindness.

Despite the notorious reputation of the Dutch being cheapskates, they’re actually among the most generous when it comes to giving aid according to the World Giving Index. They may not have much but they are more than willing to share what they do have, whether it’s time, money or expertise. This generosity is reflected in everyday life. There’s a sense of social responsibility in Dutch neighborhoods to keep an eye out for each other. Don’t be fooled by their initial distant demeanor  – underneath their stoic personas lies a kind person more than happy to help and give without hesitation.

 

Friends and family are everything.

Contrary to the infamous reputation of Amsterdam’s liberal policies for sex, drugs and alcohol, friends and family are everything to the Dutch. Daily family meals and regular get-togethers with their nearest and dearest are a must. By nurturing the ties that bind, one fosters their sense of belonging.

 

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Enjoy the company that you keep when no one is around.

Master the art of “dating” yourself by investing time (and money) in your own interests and passions. While family and friends are of utmost importance to the Dutch, they are also fiercely independent and embrace personal-development. They even have a special calendar to ensure that they pencil in “me time”. This is especially important for moms in the thick of parenting in the early years to remember.

 

Celebrate every single birthday.

Since we never know when the proverbial shoe will drop, celebrating every single birthday with our nearest and dearest is an absolute must. A simple cake with candles and refreshments surrounded by lots of love, laughter and gezelligheid will suffice. For the Dutch, each birthday is an important accomplishment accompanied by greeting the birthday celebrant with “Gefeliciteerd” (literally translated as “Congratulations”). I always like to add in, “for living another year.” Everything else – fancy dinners, extravagant gifts, and decorations – is superfluous.

 

Eat less, exercise more.

The simple mantra “eat less, exercise more” as part of your daily reality can help you live a long and healthy life. The Dutch incorporate regular exercise, usually in the form of biking, as simply being part of what they do nearly every day. And of course, given their pragmatic and traditional view on food, they always eat meals in moderation.

 

Travel.

Where ever you are in the world, chances are you are going to run into a Dutch person. The Dutch love to challenge themselves in learning about new cultures and how other people live. Consider visiting one new place each year. Not only will time away do wonders for your psyche, but will give you a new perspective on what it means to really live and some time to reflect on whether or not you’re living the life you want.

 

And don’t forget to turn your face towards the sun.

The perpetual grey skies in the Netherlands make every day that the sun shines a remarkable, special day. It really is about celebrating and finding joy in the everyday moments of life, the quiet moments of getting up and being grateful that you have another day to live. Just remember not to forget the sunscreen.

 

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(First photo courtesy of Peter Eijking. Visit his website for more inspirational images and videos of the Netherlands).

 

4 Reasons to Love Sint Maarten | Saint Martin

10 November 2014
By

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As an American mom living in the Netherlands, I’m trying to figure which traditions and holidays to continue celebrating and which ones to skip. One of the holidays I’m still on the fence about is Halloween. Ironically, despite its roots in Scotland and Ireland (Samhain), Halloween is a distinctly American tradition. The celebration of Halloween is a special day for lighthearted, community-sanctioned mischief, totally devoid of meaning and the best example of runaway consumerism. I personally love it.

 

While Halloween has taken over England, it still hasn’t reached the Netherlands. Outside the American expat santuaries of Amsterdam, Den Haag, and Utrecht, Halloween is simply another day. This year we decided not to bother with Halloween and rather celebrate the Dutch tradition of Saint Martin (Sint Maarten of Tours) instead. Being the only Americans in the village, it wasn’t a challenging decision to make. Plus, the two celebrations are actually quite similar under the premise that it’s a children’s holiday involving going door-to-door and recieving special treats or sweets.

 

In the spirit of spreading some Dutch cultural pride (my son is half-Dutch after all), here are four reasons to love the Dutch tradition of Sint Maarten (Saint Martin) in the Netherlands:

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1. Saint Martin’s Day is celebrated every November 11 in honor of Martin of Tours. 

Martin was a Roman soldier remembered for having a kind heart, being wise and readily helpful. Tradition and folklore has it that one day when he was approaching the gates of the city of Amiens (modern-day France), he met a scantily clad begger who was asking for alms. Martin impulsively cut his military cloak in half to share with the man. Later that night, he dreamed that it was actually Jesus with whom he shared his cloak with. Soon after, Martin left the army and was baptised.

Saint Martin is regarded as a friend of the children and patron of the poor in the Catholic tradition. November 11 is the day that Saint Martin passed away. Saint Martin’s day is traditionally an old harvest festival that is celebrated in many European countries and precedes the fasting period of Advent, which begins on November 12. Though the modern day celebration of Saint Martin in the Netherlands is now non-secretarian, I love how I can still share the story of a random act of kindness.

 

2.  Part of the celebration involves an informal parade of hand-crafted, or store bought lanterns made out of paper as children go around the neighborhood, door to door.

Traditionally, children’s lanterns were made out of hollowed out sugar beets or turnips hanging on a string tied to a wooden stick. Now children often decorate their own paper lanterns at school, or purchase it at the local grocery store. As soon as the sun sets, which often feels like around 4:30 p.m., small groups of Dutch children make processions around their neighborhoods with their latterns.

There’s something romantic and nostalgic about seeing little children with little paper latterns going door-to-door and lighting up the dark, cold “winter” night. The “11th day of the 11th month” after all, is traditionally considered to be the first day of “winter” according to the agricultural calendar.

 

3. “Earning” their treats by making them sing for it.

Rather than saying “Trick-or-Treat”, Dutch children are expected to sing songs.

The most popular song is:

Sint Maarten, Sint Maarten (Saint Martin, Saint Martin)
De Koeien hebben staarten  (The cows have tails)
De Meisjes hebben rokjes aan (The girls are wearing skirts)
Daar komt Sinte Maarten aan (There comes Saint Martin)

My favorite is the one that goes:

11 november is de dag, 
dat mijn lichtje, dat mijn lichtje,
11 november is de dag,
dat mijn lichtje schijnen mag.

12 november is de dag,
dat de tandarts, dat de tandarts,
12 november is de dag,
dat de tandarts boren mag.
There’s something more honest, wholesome and innoncent about singing a “song” in exchange for some sweets rather than a mischivious “threat”.

 

4. Absolutely no costumes, no fuss, no organized fun. Money saved.

For parents who don’t like fuss, wasteful preparations, and spending money they may not have, Sint Maarten seems like a dream. Since children often make these paper latterns at school, it’s also much less of a time commitment and a hassel.

Okay, let’s stop beating around the bush here. Saint Martin is a great way for us (American expat parents) to get a bit of “Halloween” without having to spend money on costumes.

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Extra Random Trivia for Utrecht Lovers:

Have you ever taken the time to look at the coat of arms and the city flag of Utrecht? Did you know that it was made in honor of Saint Martin, the patron saint of Utrecht?  As my “historian” Dutch husband loves to point out, the red part is the Roman coat and the white part is the undergarment of Saint Martin.

 

As much as I love Halloween, I am relieved that it doesn’t exist in the Netherlands. In fact, neither is Sint Maarten. Sint Maarten is practiced only a handful of pockets in the Low Countries – traditionally in Utrecht, Limburg, Noord-Holland, Groningen, Friesland, Drenthe and Noord Brabant. Perhaps it’s about time that the Dutch embrace this beautiful tradition as an entire country?

 

 

(Photos from last year’s Sint Maarten celebration)

 

5 Dutch Parenting Habits That Should Catch On In the US

2 October 2014
By

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When I stumbled upon an article on NPR titled “Global Parenting Habits That Haven’t Caught On In the U.S.“, I got excited. I had not-so-secretly hoped that Dutch parents would be mentioned. I nodded (perhaps too enthusiastically) as my eyes read down the lines, mentally compartmentalizing each habit as a “Yes, what a great idea!”, or “Interesting, but no thank-you.” Like an impatient toddler on a road-trip pleading “Are we there yet?”, I wondered if the next one would finally mention Dutch parents.

 

My heart sank at the end of the article. There was not a single mention of Dutch parents. Once again, this small North Western European country remains obscure compared to her European contemporaries – oh-so glamorous France and the hipster-approved Norway and Denmark. Yet ironically, for two consecutive times, UNICEF declared Dutch kids as leading the way in well-being. In a comprehensive study that encompassed 29 of the world’s most advanced economies, Dutch kids ranked the highest among the five dimensions studied: material well-being, health and safety, education, behaviors and risks, and housing and environment. If Dutch kids are the happiest kids in the world, surely Dutch parents are doing something right. And since happiness is a cultural obsession in America, one would assume that they would look towards the Netherlands for some inspiration.

 

Logically, I knew I was being irrational. Of course there could only be a limited number of cultures highlighted. Yet I couldn’t shake off the feeling of being ignored. What is it about Tiger mothering, or bringing up Bébé that attracts the intrigue of Americans but not common sense Dutch parenting?
Upon closer examination, is it because Dutch parents are following and living the advice that American parenting experts, medical professionals and psychologists have been emphasizing for years? Does it hit too close to home?

 

Please don’t misunderstand me as only promoting Dutch parenting. My son is growing up in a multicultural household with a Filipino-American mom (me) and a Dutch dad. We strictly follow the one parent, one language philosophy so our son grows up to achieve native fluency of Dutch and American English. We’ve opened our hearts to our dearest friends from all over the world -Singapore, Italy, South Africa, Australia, Philippines – with all sorts of religious (and non-religious) affiliations – Muslims, Christians, Jews, agnostics, and atheists. Because the truth is, our reality really does resemble a United Colors of Benetton advertisement of multiculturalism. Acceptance, open-mindedness and love begins at home after all.

 

I don’t want to be another insufferable mom doling out unsolicited, asinine advice on the “right way” to raise other people’s children. But there really is something genuinely wonderful going on in the Netherlands.  I’ve experienced so many eye-opening, “wow” moments that really have made a difference in how I parent my own child. Before giving me the near automatic proverbial eye roll, please consider taking a moment to read these five Dutch parenting habits (many more to come in future blog posts):

5-dutch-parenting-habits-2

 

 

1. Living an active lifestyle (biking, outdoor play, walking).

Regular “exercise” is an integral component of Dutch culture. Dutch parents can be seen everywhere walking around their babies in strollers, or baby-carriers. Before Dutch toddlers can even properly walk or run, they are given a loopfiets (walking bicycle). And Dutch childhood wouldn’t be complete without lots and lots of unstructured play while Dutch parents relax, drink coffee or read.

 
2. Eating regular meals together to allow time for discussions and openness.

Family quality time happens every day at the dining room table where everyone gathers to eat breakfast and dinner. Young school kids often also go home for lunch too. Healthy, open conversations are much more valued and nurtured around the dinner table than what’s actually being served.

 

3. Dutch Moms doing less household chores and Dutch dads doing more.

In fact, the current trend in the Netherlands is that women are doing less household chores and men are taking on more. Not only will you’ll have happier moms, but recent research suggests that there daughters of dads who do household chores grow up with more ambition.

 

4. Implementing household chores and responsibilities early on.

For the community-minded Dutch, the polder model that everyone pulls their own weight begins at the cradle. Okay, maybe not exactly. But as soon as they start school (usually at the age of four), Dutch kids are expected to make their own lunch. Dutch parents usually spread out all the necessary ingredients – breads, cheeses, meats, and fruits – and leave it up to the child to assemble their lunch.

 

5. Strict schedules, including early bedtimes.

The Dutch cultural obsession with having an agenda for everything is implemented the moment a child is born. “Free, unstructured” play time is penciled in as well as strict early bedtimes to ensure plenty of rest for both the child and the parents.

 

5-Dutch-parenting-habits-that-should-catch-on-in-the-us

 

Traveling with the Happiest Kids in the World

27 May 2014
By

travelingwiththehappiestkids

 

Dutch kids are known to be the happiest kids in the world. And the Dutch are among the world’s most avid travelers. It wouldn’t be surprising if the two were somehow interrelated!

It’s no secret that one of the things I love most about Dutch culture is their love for traveling. There’s a saying among the Dutch that “You can find a Dutch person anywhere in the world.” It’s quite impressive given that the population of the Netherlands is only around 17 million people. Traveling is simply ingrained in the culture. It is part of the Dutch work-life balance equation rather than some alternative lifestyle for the jet-set, adventurous crowd. Whether it’s traveling within the Netherlands, heading over to neighboring countries or having more ambitious plans, the Dutch love to explore and learn about different places and cultures.

For some people, traveling with babies, toddlers and kids would be the last thing they would want to do. Many people assume that once you cross over parent territory, passports and wanderlust would have to be put away. Not for the Dutch.  They just get creative, modify their plans by traveling locally or simply baptize their little ones straight into international travel.

Every Tuesday (Travel Tuesday), I plan on sharing some things I’ve learned about traveling with my little one as a baby and as a toddler. I’ll be writing about some insider travel tips for families visiting the Netherlands, or expat families wanting to learn more about all the wonderful family-friendly stuff available in the Low Countries.  And I will also be including travel essentials – what to bring and what not to bring depending on where you plan on going to. The tips will be inspired partly from the Dutch culture, but also from my own experiences.

What better way to officially start than to share a few of our favorite things and “tricks” to entertain Bram while we’re en-route (plane, car, train, bus), at a restaurant or having to do some waiting time. And as parents of babies and toddlers know, having an “activity kit” to entertain their short attention spans can both be a sanity saver and make the experience a lot more pleasant.

 

travelkit

 

 

Here is Bram Junior’s “activity bag” that we’ve prepared for our upcoming trip to Paris (clockwise):

Back-pack
Any small bag would just do. Or even what ever diaper bag you are using. Since we are traveling, I choose the Skip Hop Zoo backpack he already has – it’s the perfect size and has amazing storage capacity.

 

Something to Eat
Toddlers are often notorious for being “hungry” at inopportune times. It’s always handy to be carrying along snacks. Bram loves the stuff from Ella’s Kitchen (100% Organic Baby Food) which can now be bought at Etos. And since he only gets it when he’s traveling, it becomes an extra special treat.

 

Something to Read
Carrying around a tiny mini-library of some sorts can do wonders to keep a baby and toddler preoccupied. Since we’re absolute fans of The Very Hungry Caterpillar (who isn’t?), we’re bringing along this ultra compact mini-library which he got as a gift from his fabulous aunt.


Something to Create
Having crayons (Wasco Playon Crayon Primary), an activity book with stickers (Leukste Doe Book Voor Jongens) and a pad with paper and an attached pen (Paddenstoel Notitiehouder) can really entertain a baby and a toddler. It’s why most family restaurants have some sort of crayons and coloring sheet! And what better way to have it in your bag just in case you may need it.


Something to Play With
An awesome trick I’ve learned is to wrap small presents for Bram to unpack. Whether it’s a new toy or an old one he’s forgotten about, it doesn’t matter. I am a bit convinced though that’s the novelty of the wrapping paper and process of unwrapping that babies are most fond of. I’m partial to lovely wooden toys and couldn’t resist getting him a little red mouse compass (muis compass), a clown top (blauw tol, clown met trektouwtje), and a pirate tic-tac-toe game (Spelletje, boter, kaas & eieren, piraten).

7 Habits of Genuinely Happy Expats

28 April 2014
By

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As my family and I celebrated King’s Night and King’s Day, I came to the realization that I am “making it” as an expat-mom in the Netherlands. Seven years and several stumbling blocks later, I’m taking ownership of my happiness in the Low Countries. Life may not be perfect, but I finally found my happy place, one centered on gratitude, resilience, and family.

While a quarter-life crisis usually sends people to therapy, I celebrated my 25th birthday as an accidental expat in Holland. My expatriation to the Netherlands was a culmination of a love-at-first sight, whirlwind, two year transAtlantic, long distance romance with a Dutch native. If we only live once, why not take a leap of faith and be with the one that we love? After seven years of going through culture shock, homesickness and stumbling blocks learning opportunities, I’ve earned enough street credibility to impart some knowledge to expats who might currently be struggling in their host country.

 

Whether you’re about to become an expat, are a newly minted expat or a seasoned expat, here are seven essential habits that I’ve observed all genuinely happy expats possess.

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1. Embrace your natural curiosity, finding the courage to step out of your comfort zone to try new things and discover the world around you.

Being curious is one of the best assets you can have as an expat.  According research conducted by psychologist Dr. Todd Kashdan and Dr. Michael Steger, people who regularly felt curious “experienced the most satisfaction with their life – and engaged in the highest number of happiness-inducing activities, such as expressing gratitude to a colleague or volunteering to help others.” Arguably the best aspect of being an expat is the opportunity to harness one’s innate curiosity when immersing one’s self in a new culture and a different way of life. Learning about the culture goes deeper than simply wandering around and visiting various places – familiarize yourself with the history, try out the different foods, take part in local festivities and experience local customs. Life will surprise you when you are open to experiences, letting your curiosity take center-stage.  

 

2. Being able to say, “I am not comfortable with that.”

While it is important to be open to new experiences, it is also crucial to stay true to yourself. As an expat, you need to define your boundaries and vocalize them. Dr. Susan Biali suggests that “When our efforts to be excessively agreeable and accommodating backfire, we are often left feeling resentful and generally disappointed with life.”

Chances are that as an expat living in a foreign country, you will find yourself in uncomfortable situations. Know where to draw the line. It’s only natural to hesitate, question yourself and doubt whether or not to let the word’s come out. Once you’ve mustered the courage and declare, “I am not comfortable with that,” you’ll find yourself living a more authentic expat life and your overall-well being will thrive.

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3. Acknowledging and accepting that you are no longer in your home country.

This might sound painfully obvious, but the first step of finding happiness in a foreign country is to acknowledge and accept that you are no longer in your home country. Many expats fall into the trap of comparing everything to their home country, failing to appreciate what their host country has to offer. Constantly comparing one’s current situation with that of another place and time will definitely lead to unhappiness.

Growing up in the San Francisco Bay Area, I had come to unrealistically expect a certain lifestyle and standard of living when moving to the Netherlands. After all, my then Dutch husband made the innocent mistake of informing me that American culture and Dutch culture were inherently very similar. They are not. And I soon discovered that sunlight, an appreciation for food, multiculturalism, (American) political correctness and general pleasantries are not universal aspects shared throughout the world. Once I got over these first-world problems and simply opened my eyes to all the positive attributes of life in the Netherlands, I realized just how wonderful it is to be an expat mom in the Netherlands.

4. Learn the language.

It’s actually quite disrespectful to the locals and a disservice to yourself if you decide to live in a foreign country for several years and never make an honest attempt at learning the native language. Lamenting on how hard learning the language is will get you utterly no where. Enroll yourself in a class and take the time to learn the language.

Contrary to popular expat belief, the official language spoken in the Netherlands is Dutch, not English. Speaking Dutch to locals (no matter how bad you feel you are at it) is the fastest way to melt the usually stoic Dutch hearts and one of the most empowering experiences I’ve ever had. As my father’s voice echoes “No one can ever take away your education.“, no one can ever take away my NT2 niveau 2 diploma, granting me not only access to studying at a Dutch university or applying for a professional job, but also really be a part of Dutch culture.

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5. Be selective on your friendships, especially with other expats. 

Motivational speaker Jim Rohn famously said “We are the average of the five people we spend the most time with.” Or in other words, as my lovely, wise friend Rachel shared with me, “Show me your friends and I’ll show you your future.”Whether we like to admit it or not, research and experience has shown that we are all influenced by the people we surround ourselves with. Regardless of our own intelligence, our age, our natural talents, and where we come from, who we surround ourselves regularly will has a disproportionate influence on our own successes. After all, craving connection with others is what makes us human. And that connection – emotional, mental, spiritual and physical – has a profound impact on our overall well-being, happiness and ability to accomplish personal goals.

Being in a foreign country, it’s only natural to gravitate towards other expats who speak the same language and come from the same country to establish familiarity and shared camaraderie. It’s often recommended and a healthy practice to reach out to other expats to build a supportive community, to create a safe space to vent frustrations and air out personal grievances. However, be mindful of toxic expats who will simply rain on your parade and prevent you from growing as a person. If you are determined to find happiness as an expat, seek out those who inspire and encourage you to be a better person.

6. And don’t forget how essential it is to befriend a local or two.

Try to make friends with the locals and don’t fall trap to living life exclusively in the convenient expat bubble. Your understanding of the country and culture will only get you so far unless you can get insight from a native. Plus, the more open you are to other people, the greater the likelihood of you establishing your own tribe.

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 7.  Self-Acceptance

Arguably one of the most essential habits of happy (expat) people is self-acceptance. Unfortunately, it is the one crucial habit that is often practiced the least. Many expats, especially trailing spouses, were once overachievers whose self-worth was inextricably tied to their visible accomplishments. Moving to a foreign country can easily leave one feeling naked and vulnerable, starting fresh all over again in a world that may not readily acknowledge one’s previous achievements attained abroad. Hence, for many, including me, expat life is not always a smooth ride. As an expat, it’s absolutely crucial to extend the same kindness to yourself as you give to others.  We need to consider our mistakes as opportunities to learn rather than absolute failures. And we must be patient enough to understand that there will be many learning opportunities along the way. Take not only the time to learn about your new environment, but also find some quiet time for yourself to tune into your feelings. Expat life will forever change who you are and it’s only right to also get acquainted with your new self.

 

Being an expat is not for the faint of heart. It’s for those adventurous enough to pack their entire life’s possessions into a couple checked bags. It allows you to take only what’s the most essential, leaving behind all the extra unnecessary baggage and forcing you to re-define what’s actually important. It takes tons of courage, a hint of craziness, and relentless faith in one’s self to create a home in a foreign land.

But for the few who dare travel the road less traveled, I can guarantee you that they won’t look back with regret for having lived a life less ordinary. Rather, being an expat changes you forever, allowing you to feel more connected to the rest of the world and helping you to live a life well lived. Just like the joys of parenthood, while nothing can really prepare you 100% for life as an expat, hopefully these seven tips will get you to a place of genuine happiness as you seek out your new adventure.

Here’s to Finding Dutchland, wherever you may be.

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10 Signs that You are Dutch at Heart

10 February 2014
By

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Being an American expat married to a Dutch guy lends me the opportunity to have an “outsider” insider perspective on all things Dutch. I’ve come to realize that while stereotypes are only part of the story, there are unifying characteristics about the Dutch people. In fact, a lot of Dutch people embrace a certain degree of homogeneity, proudly standing by what they believe is quintessentially Dutch.

Here are, in my opinion,  ten signs that you are Dutch at heart:

1. You are an avid sun-worshiper. Entire industries cater around your devotion to the sun, happily fulfilling your inclination to satisfy your soul’s need to feel the warmth of the sun across your face. The moment there are blue skies and the sun is out in all her glory, you will probably take a mental health day at the beach or leave work early to meet friends at the outdoor terraces.

 

2. Your bike is a natural extension of your body. You can ride a bike straddled with three kids and groceries and do internet banking on your cell phone on one hand while navigating the narrow streets of Amsterdam. And of course you laugh at the idea of bike helmets.

 

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3. Cheese and other dairy products comprise your major food group. Bread of course is the second other essential food group. Thanks to the magical combination of the two food groups, the only real difference between your breakfast and your lunch is the three hours in between. A piece of cheese or meat on bread will suffice – save the fluff like additional spreads and garnishes for special occasions.

 

4. Speaking of food, you have a prerequisite of one hot meal a day. Traditionally this would have been lunch but due to the demands and logistics of modern life, you usually eat your one hot meal with your family between 5 and 6 o’clock in the evening. The idea of having two or three warm meals are a bit too extravagant for you.

 

5.  You love going Dutch with everyone expected to pay their own equal, fair share. This philosophy can be seen in your famous polder model. Heads up (American) ladies – if a Dutch guy asks you out on a date keep in mind that also means that you’re probably responsible for your own meal.

 

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6. You celebrate your royalty’s birthday with a certain finesse by throwing a nationwide flea market, wearing bright orange apparel, and engaging in state-sponsored public intoxication for a day a half.

 

7. You usually make appointments four weeks in advance. But chances are, if a friend calls you on a Thursday night to hang out at the local pub or join a last minute BBQ (weather permitting), you’ll absolutely love the spontaneity and are probably free to happily take up the offer. All for gezelligheid.

 

8. You feel entitled to an opinion on everything, even if you actually have no expertise on the matter or have a  clue to what you are actually taking about.

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9. You pride yourself on being thrifty. You’re not cheap as much as you love a good bargain and believe in the importance of living within your means.

 

10. You love being direct and straight to the point. The art of being subtle are for everyone else across the pond (British, Canadians and Americans). Perhaps it’s one of the reasons why the Netherlands continues to be a financial power house – they’re great at business.

 

I have to confess that I’m also becoming Dutch at heart. While I may never succumb to being satisfied eating sandwiches for breakfast and lunch, I do appreciate and embrace other aspects of my Dutched reality such as biking every where, being straight to the point, and loving the sun. And obviously, I’ve become incredibly opinionated – why else would I be blogging?

Jacob Ledger Dutch CostumeMy friend Lerma’s son Jacob being Dutch at heart.

 

Here’s to Finding Dutchland, where ever you may be!

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Stuff Dutch Babies Like

3 February 2014
By

Inspired by Stuff Dutch People Like‘s insightful musings about Dutch culture, I’d like to share some stuff that Dutch babies like. Or more accurately, what seems like almost all doting Dutch parents buy for their bundle of joys.

As a first-time anxious mom, I meticulously studied Babble’s Top 100 Newborn Essentials. While nothing quite prepares you for motherhood until the actual experience of becoming one, I somehow found comfort in being ultra-prepared. I was also curious about what other Dutch moms and moms living in the Netherlands bought for their little ones. After all, if my baby was going to be half-Dutch anyway and we were going to live in this country, might as well try to “integrate”.

Interestingly, I found these four common baby products that seemed quintessentially Dutch:

Stuff Dutch Babies Like

1.  A Bassinet or Cradle (Wieg)
It’s not a surprise that the Dutch who absolutely value gezelligheid (warm, cosiness, pleasant atmosphere), would also have a bassinet or cradle for their newborns. After all, a tiny baby in a cradle or bassinet is much cozier than a full-size crib. Dutch babies graduate to a full-size crib usually between the ages of three to six months depending on how big the wieg is and how fast the baby grows.

After what took forever to finally decided on a co-sleeper, we finally decided on the Bloom Alma Urban Cot. Not only is the Bloom Alma Urban Cot gorgeous to look at, but quite practical to have because it’s foldable, an awesome advantage for Dutch living. Alternatively, I would have chosen the Bed Nest.

 

2. Wooden Playpen (box)
What seems to be a staple in every single Dutch living room is a wooden playpen referred to as a box. When I first set my eyes on one, I was a bit startled because it seemed more like a cage. I soon learned, however, that the box is quite a practical thing to have. While I don’t know any parents that actually leave their baby in the box for long, extended periods of time, a wooden playpen in the living room allows parents to momentarily put their baby while they do quick errands like cooking, or opening the door for guests and packages.

A dear friend who moved to Singapore kindly gave us several baby stuff, including the beloved Dutch box. Americans have basically a similar version to the playpen, but most if not all are plastic variations. Personally, I find the wooden box more aesthetically appealing.

 

3. Baby bouncer (wipstoeltje)
Perhaps the American equivalent to a baby bouncer would be the swing. I have yet to see a swing in a Dutch household, but every single person in the Netherlands seems to have a baby bouncer. For our little one, we decided to go for the Baby Bjorn Babysitter Balance (Organic).

 

4. High-end Luxury Stroller (Kinderwagen)
While American parents ubiquitously question the practicality of a high-end luxury stroller, Dutch parents seem to already have their eyes set on which high-end luxury stroller they want.  If you’re driving everywhere (like most Americans do), than it really doesn’t make sense to invest so much on a stroller. However, if you live in a thriving Dutch metropolitan city like Amsterdam or Utrecht where walking and biking are the norm, strollers are considered investment pieces that are worth their weight in gold.

It seems like a Dutch right of passage for parents-to-be to head over a ginormous Costco-size warehouse called Baby Park in Gouda to test drive the different strollers. Thanks to the Joolz Earth Edition Elephant Grey stroller and the gorgeous canals of Utrecht’s historic city center, I was able to literally walk off 20 kilos with my baby in tow within 5 months, no dieting necessary.

 

 

Whether or not a cradle, wooden playpen, baby bouncer and high-end luxury stroller are actually essentials are definitely up to debate. In all honesty, what babies all essentially need are loving parents, milk (breast-milk or formula), clothes, diapers, and a safe place to sleep. The rest are simply luxuries that many Dutch households with children seem to have. Perhaps it’s also the generous child benefit allowance of € 191.65 each quarter regardless of income level that allows Dutch babies to have all these nice things. Let’s also not forget the Dutch culture of giving new parents pre-loved items and the popularity of buying stuff second hand.

What ever the case may be, Dutch babies (and their parents) like cradles, wooden playpens, baby bouncers and high-end luxury strollers. Do you?

 

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