amsterdam

You’re Welcome Mr. President

25 March 2014
By

Koning_en_Koningin_met_NSS_delegatiesPhoto credit: Wikipedia Commons

Being an American in the Netherlands leading up to and during the Nuclear Security Summit  (March 24-25) has filled me up with lots of irrational pride. For the past two days, the Hague has been the center of the universe as world leaders from 53 countries and 5 international organizations negotiate on reducing and securing nuclear supplies and keeping them out of terrorists’ hands. Who wouldn’t be proud that we’re one step closer for not blowing up our beautiful, irreplaceable planet earth?

Inspired by Buzzfeed’s article Welcome to the Netherlands Mr. President,  I’d also like to share some interesting tidbits of Dutch-American influences. We all know about the soft power America has on the rest of the world. Little does everyone else know about how influential the seemingly obscure tiny Northern European country of only 16,839,840 has on American culture (past, present and future).

 

The Dutch were the original New Yorkers
the-landing

Image of Native Americans watching the arrival of the first Dutch colonists at the Hudson river.
Photo credit: Flickr Commons

Actually, the Native Americans should be the undisputed first inhabitants of New York state and the rest of the United States. But it was the Dutch who founded New Netherlands (now New York) in 1614, being among the first to steal barter the land from the Native Americans and create a flourishing, world city of New Amsterdam (New York City). Knowing their time was up in 1667, the Dutch exchanged Manhattan for Suriname. What the Dutch left behind is a city of love for liberty, entrepreneurial spirit, tolerance, an established banking system and a future concrete jungle where dreams are made of.

 

Yankees

18793rPhoto credit: Flickr Commons

 The Dutch names Jan (“John”, pronounced as Yan) and Kees (“Cornelius”) were and continue to be common names for boys in the Netherlands.  Urban legend has it that the word “Yankee” is a combination of the two names originally referred to Dutch-Americans but is now the beloved baseball team of New York.

 

Many famous and influential people in America were Dutch or had Dutch ancestry.

theodore-rooseveltPresident Theodore Roosevelt Photo credit: Flickr Commons

Thomas Edison, Audrey Hepburn, Eddie van Halen, the Roosevelts (Theodore, Franklin and Eleanore), Walt Whitman all had Dutch ancestry. And let’s not forget that Carice van Houten who plays Melisandre on Games of Thrones is a beloved Dutch actress.


Many all-American nostalgic food is actually Dutch in Origin
the-pancake-bakery_pieter-aertsen                      The Pancake Bakery by Pieter Aertsen (1508-1575) Photo credit: Wikipedia Commons

Many of the current mainstays of the American diet were introduced to the New World by the Dutch such as pancakes (pannenkoeken), waffles (wafles), doughnuts (oliebollen), coleslaw (koolsla), pretzels and cookies (koekjes). While over time these Dutch treats became Americanized (bigger, sweeter, and fluffier), the culinary contributions of early Dutch settlers should not be forgotten.

 

The closest foreign analogue to Obamacare (Affordable Health Care Act) is the Dutch Health System
When the United States of America, thanks to the leadership of President Obama, decided to join the rest of the world and try to provide health insurance for all of its citizens, they looked towards the Netherlands as their example. The Dutch Health system and the Affordable Health Care act were both inspired by Stanford Health Economist Alain Enthoven’s theory of managed competition.

 

Wishful Thinking: That American Kids can be just as happy as Dutch Kids

dutchchildrenPhoto credit: Flickr Commons

I’m also hoping that Americans can also be influenced by the Dutch on how to raise the happiest kids in the world. Perhaps your (brief) time here Mr. President Obama may have inspired you to help pave the way for American kids. The future generations will thank-you.

Oh The Places to Live: Village, Suburb, or City

7 March 2014
By

utrechtsunnyday

View from our previous apartment in Utrecht, the heart of the city center.

My husband would have made an excellent salesman. He’s charismatic, charming, persistent and has boyish good looks. Being a San Francisco Bay Area native, I had once publicly sworn (pre-motherhood) that I would never live in a Dutch village. Acclimating to provincial Utrecht was challenging enough. Living in a small Dutch town was inconceivable and unimaginable. Or so I thought.

 

Almost one year into parenthood, my husband sold me the idea of living in the Dutch suburb of Houten. Living in the heart of Utrecht was a memorable, privileged experience.  But our fourth-floor walkup became a nightmare with a baby.  We also bought the idea that family life translated into needing certain amenities – a large garden, plenty of space, and lots of privacy.  As a single-income household, our best chances of finding what we could afford and what we desired led us to the suburbs. At the very least, it would be like taking an extended vacation in an idyllic Dutch setting – a one year adventure where we would immerse ourselves in the local Dutch culture.

 

Choosing where to live is a very personal decision based on one’s lifestyle, philosophies and circumstances. My everyday reality doesn’t consist of going to local cafés, having brunch with friends, trying out the latest new restaurants, shopping at trendy boutiques, or visiting local museums. Rather, my daily life pretty much revolves around the eating-nap-play schedule of my toddler son and home-base takes center stage. He’s a child of the world, ready to explore and get in all sorts of trouble. As an aspiring writer, what I actually need most is the time, solitude and space to write. And as for my workaholic husband, he simply requires a comfortable place to unwind and sleep that’s conveniently located not too far from his office in Utrecht.

 

An important factor that shouldn’t be left unwritten and unsaid in determining where we live are finances – we’re a single-income, middle class family aspiring for a decent life and giving our son a happy childhood.

 

utrechtsunnyday2

 

Still uncertain about my decision to move to the city or stay in the suburbs, I started asking different moms about their own experiences. I ended up asking a Facebook mommy group consisting of over 4,700 members, “Out of curiosity, if you had a choice between living in an apartment in Amsterdam or in a stand-alone home with a huge garden and plenty of rooms in a Dutch village, which would you prefer, keeping in mind that you have a toddler who loves being outside. One means being socially isolated and the other one means being in a vibrant, international city with lots of like-minded mommy friends.”  There were over 100 moms who chimed in (a definite conversation starter) and not surprisingly, I received very different, passionate answers.

 

Some thought it would be inconceivable to leave their beloved city (Amsterdam). Others had enough of the stressors associated with city life and craved for space and quiet, the much sought after garden, and not having to manage waiting lists for everything imaginable (schools, swimming lessons, and other extracurricular activities for children). In hindsight, the question was polarizing because living in one place or the other doesn’t necessarily translate into social isolation, or feeling connected to a community. And reading all their answers left me even more confused than ever before.

 

A fellow mommy-blogger who moved to Zeist after living for several years in Utrecht confided, “I simply got fed up lugging all the stuff to the park . And I was tired of looking down at the ground making sure there weren’t any hypodermic needles lying around.” I’m not sure whether or not she was being facetious, but her comment made a lasting impact. The suburbs made me feel safer as I watched children playing outside in their gardens (my son included), or simply out on bicycle-only streets without any supervision. But the recent burglaries in my neighborhood and being encouraged by the local police to be more alert made me reconsider just how idyllic and rose-colored our circumstances actually are.

 

Now one year into our suburb experience and our lease up for renewal, I can’t help but revisit and re-examine our housing situation. And to be perfectly honest, this questioning happens to coincide with me going through a personal-inventory of my own life, values, role as a mother, personal goals and desires. I’ve always said that “happy parents generally raise happy kids.” Are we really happy parents? Do we need to live in such a big, fancy home (in Dutch standards) with an enviable garden?

juniorinthegarden

 

It’s been fun playing “house” yet living in the Dutch suburb of Houten has several inconveniences that I didn’t anticipate. I’m also the first to admit that my gripes are more “first-world problems” – limited selection, diversity and opening hours of stores (closed on Sundays), , being the only foreigner in a predominantly Dutch neighborhood, and feeling psychologically distant and isolated from any major city.

While I’m also a creature of habit that absolutely loves being a homebody, I also thrive on the energy that a city like Amsterdam gives. A city girl at heart, I simply get a natural high when walking around Amsterdam, taking in all the positive energy and channeling it into my hopes, dreams and aspirations. Suffice to say, Amsterdam makes me feel alive. But so does seeing the wonder and delight in my child’s eyes as he discovers the world around him, free to explore under my watchful eye.

 

The biggest deal breaker happens to be the one problem we didn’t consider when moving to Houten – my own son’s loneliness.  We were surprised and shocked at the long waiting lists for the local pre-school (peuterspeelzaall). I had naively assumed that the lack of resources for preschool was endemic to only major Dutch cities. The rapid population expansion, high concentration of young families, and limited budget made it a challenge for towns and cities to accommodate the needs of the growing population. Ironically, although my son happens to the only toddler on our street (and hence his loneliness), we were informed that we live in a catchment area with lots of young children his age. If we were to be on waiting lists anyway, I would also prefer having a lot of different options rather than being limited to a select few. The recommended alternative would be to send him for a couple of hours to créche (day-care). However, créche it’s not the same substitute as play-based learning, one that I’m keen on letting my son experience and can be prohibitively expensive.

 

Living in Houten, however, does have its benefits. We appreciate the privacy and the small town feel where, as the local pharmacists kindly told me, “Houten may be home to 30,000 people but we still like to take care of each other.” There are a lot less crowds. It’s also world renowned for being the bike capital of the world – suburb completely designed to be bike friendly for all ages.  And let’s not forget how happy my son simply playing outside, whether in the garden or out into the streets without a care in the world.

 

Where would you personally live and raise a family? Are suburbs the only answer or is it possible to enjoy a thriving city life while raising a family? Are Dutch villages the way to go for a more community feeling? Is it possible to find a middle ground where we can live in a bustling city, yet still create a safe place for children to play outside?

 

Stay-tuned for my blog post coming up about renting or buying a home in the Netherlands. The most liberating aspect of choosing where to live is that we have a reasonable amount of freedom and flexibility as renters.

 

Shameless self-promotion: If any of you know a benevolent property owner of a three bedroom (minimum), unfurnished house or apartment with a parking spot/permit in Amsterdam, Utrecht or the surrounding areas who would be excited to have tenants like me and my family for a reasonable rent, please email me at rinamae@findingdutchland.com. We’re keen on finding a house (and or apartment) to love and care for and make it a home for the next two to three years.

10 Signs that You are Dutch at Heart

10 February 2014
By

windmill

Being an American expat married to a Dutch guy lends me the opportunity to have an “outsider” insider perspective on all things Dutch. I’ve come to realize that while stereotypes are only part of the story, there are unifying characteristics about the Dutch people. In fact, a lot of Dutch people embrace a certain degree of homogeneity, proudly standing by what they believe is quintessentially Dutch.

Here are, in my opinion,  ten signs that you are Dutch at heart:

1. You are an avid sun-worshiper. Entire industries cater around your devotion to the sun, happily fulfilling your inclination to satisfy your soul’s need to feel the warmth of the sun across your face. The moment there are blue skies and the sun is out in all her glory, you will probably take a mental health day at the beach or leave work early to meet friends at the outdoor terraces.

 

2. Your bike is a natural extension of your body. You can ride a bike straddled with three kids and groceries and do internet banking on your cell phone on one hand while navigating the narrow streets of Amsterdam. And of course you laugh at the idea of bike helmets.

 

clogs

 

3. Cheese and other dairy products comprise your major food group. Bread of course is the second other essential food group. Thanks to the magical combination of the two food groups, the only real difference between your breakfast and your lunch is the three hours in between. A piece of cheese or meat on bread will suffice – save the fluff like additional spreads and garnishes for special occasions.

 

4. Speaking of food, you have a prerequisite of one hot meal a day. Traditionally this would have been lunch but due to the demands and logistics of modern life, you usually eat your one hot meal with your family between 5 and 6 o’clock in the evening. The idea of having two or three warm meals are a bit too extravagant for you.

 

5.  You love going Dutch with everyone expected to pay their own equal, fair share. This philosophy can be seen in your famous polder model. Heads up (American) ladies – if a Dutch guy asks you out on a date keep in mind that also means that you’re probably responsible for your own meal.

 

queesnday

 

6. You celebrate your royalty’s birthday with a certain finesse by throwing a nationwide flea market, wearing bright orange apparel, and engaging in state-sponsored public intoxication for a day a half.

 

7. You usually make appointments four weeks in advance. But chances are, if a friend calls you on a Thursday night to hang out at the local pub or join a last minute BBQ (weather permitting), you’ll absolutely love the spontaneity and are probably free to happily take up the offer. All for gezelligheid.

 

8. You feel entitled to an opinion on everything, even if you actually have no expertise on the matter or have a  clue to what you are actually taking about.

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9. You pride yourself on being thrifty. You’re not cheap as much as you love a good bargain and believe in the importance of living within your means.

 

10. You love being direct and straight to the point. The art of being subtle are for everyone else across the pond (British, Canadians and Americans). Perhaps it’s one of the reasons why the Netherlands continues to be a financial power house – they’re great at business.

 

I have to confess that I’m also becoming Dutch at heart. While I may never succumb to being satisfied eating sandwiches for breakfast and lunch, I do appreciate and embrace other aspects of my Dutched reality such as biking every where, being straight to the point, and loving the sun. And obviously, I’ve become incredibly opinionated – why else would I be blogging?

Jacob Ledger Dutch CostumeMy friend Lerma’s son Jacob being Dutch at heart.

 

Here’s to Finding Dutchland, where ever you may be!

P.S. Feel like procrastinating some more? Come join in my on Facebook page for posts related to parenting and being an expat mom in the Netherlands.

Going Dutch: Biking Your Way to Happiness

7 February 2014
By

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Notice his confident stride, eyes beaming with pride and a heart bursting with wonder? This is my 21 month old son navigating his world (our neighborhood) on a bicycle path. The picture speaks volumes of the Dutch sentiment that the bike is simply a natural extension of the body. Watching my son reaffirms my suspicions as to why Dutch kids are the happiest kids in the world. Biking as an integral part of childrens’ daily lives, whether hitching a ride on the bikes of their parents, heading to school or where ever their little heart desires, ensures that they get regular exposure to the outdoors.

And who wouldn’t argue that biking is a form of outdoor play? American parents are constantly being inundated with messages of the importance of playing outside. Outdoor play, according to researchers, is essential for the growth and development of children, with benefits such as aiding in motor development, vision, cognition, Vitamin D levels and mental health. Not surprisingly, Dutch kids have indicated that their absolute favorite outside activity is biking and play outside 3.8 times a week on average.

What is it about the Dutch that has allowed biking to be universally embraced as an integral part of life? What can we Americans learn from our neighbors across the pond? Here’s my own insight as to why the Dutch have succeeded in creating a bike culture from the cradle to the grave:

 

stopkindervermoord

Photo courtesy of the Dutch National Archives 

Parent and Child Led Initiative
Behind the facade of an enviable biking lifestyle lurks a bittersweet, but truly inspirational history. Contrary to popular belief, the Netherlands was not always a bikecentric nation, especially in the 1950s and 1960s when cars were fast becoming the Dutch national obsession. The cultural paradigm shift away from cars to bikes can be attributed to a 1970s protest movement infamously known as “Stop De Kindermoord” (literally translated as “Stop the Child Murder” in Dutch).

According to the BBC Article “Why is Cycling so popular in the Netherlands“, the Stop De Kindermoord movement name was coined after an article written by journalist Vic Lagenhoff whose own child was a tragic victim of a senseless car accident. Dutch parents and children took to the streets demanding the rights of children to be able to play safely outside. The Stop De Kindermoord campaign is a testament that bicycle culture is made, one that stems at the very heart and soul of society – for the children. Perhaps by learning about the overwhelming success of the parent and child led initiative, American parents may be inspired to at least start wondering whether or not they also would like the freedom and versatility of a culture that embraces daily cycling.

 

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A bike garage in Amersterdam. Photo courtesy of Melody Rae Lifestyle Photography 


Innovative Dutch Infrastructure
From a policy perspective, the grass roots Stop De Kindermoord protest movement evolved into the establishment of laws implemented to give priority and respect to cyclists and pedestrians. The sympathetic ear of decision makers directly led to the introduction of specially designated bike lanes, the reduction of speed limits on residential streets and the creation of designated car-free zones (such as city centers and play streets). Today, the Netherlands bike paths consists of a network that consists of 35,000 kilometers with an annual investment of €400m.  Urban planners continue to strive for creating areas around the principle of liveable cities and towns that are convenient and safe.

Not being keen to remain stagnant, the Dutch continue to innovate, introducing novel ways to encourage biking such as glow in the dark bike lanes, and heated bike paths to keep the cyclists safe and warm. Recent news also highlights a generous proposal for the implementation of free guarded bike garages at all the main train stations. The Dutch have ingeniously figured out that by providing an infrastructure for cycling, they’ve inadvertently encouraged the culture of cycling.

DaddyandJbiking

 Notice the clever incorporation of a bike path (red lane) on a pier?

Dutch Stoicism and Thrift
Despite the erratic weather of the Netherlands, the stoic Dutch continue to embrace cycling as part of their daily routine. While the Dutch are notorious for complaining (weather being a popular topic), they are a hearty bunch who will simply bike on regardless of discouraging weather conditions such as rain, hail, snow, and gusty winds. Only when the weather is too horrendous and possibly life threatening will Dutch people opt to take public transportation (bus, trains and trams) or their cars (if they even own one). Perhaps this Dutch stoicism can be attributed to the fact that they built an entire country below sea level – after all, haven’t you heard the famous Dutch saying “God made the Earth, but the Dutch made Holland“? Perhaps America’s love affair of bootstrapping might be the key to getting Americans to embrace cycling.

It is also worth mentioning the Dutch national pastime of being thrifty. Biking is a lot more economical than a car. Biking liberates one from the financial burden of fluctuating gas prices, car maintenance, and car insurance. For the thrifty Dutch, it’s also definitely not about your ride. In fact, the older the bike, the more accurate the reflection of the Dutchie’s relationship with their beloved companion and less likely a target for the notorious bike thieves loitering around major Dutch cities. Not to forget to mention, the oil crisis shortage of 1973 woke the Dutch up to their over reliance on gas and to seek other alternatives aside from a predominant car culture may be the more prudent direction. With the constant news of indebted Americans, perhaps it’s time to take into consideration biking as a practical alternative rather than the latest minority, alternative hipster trend.
One of my favorite things about living in the Netherlands is how biking is part of our daily life. I’ve definitely joined the Dutch parenting habit of introducing a bike from the moment my son could balance on his own two feet. Here’s to Finding Dutchland, preferably on a bike, where ever you may be.

bicyclepath

Me and my son on the Maliebaan last winter 2013. No cyclists were around due to the snow and thus no one was harmed.

 

Do you want to know another amazing trivia about Utrecht, one of the happiest places in the world?
Utrecht was the first place in the entire Netherlands to establish a path designated specifically for bikes. Built in September 1885 by the ANWB (Algemene Nederlandse Wielrijders Bond – ironically now a predominately car lobbying group), the Maliebaan was constructed for the use of cyclists. Even as far back as 129 years ago, Utrecht people had insight that biking (exercise) is part of having a happy life.

 

Side note: The picture with my son on his loopfiets without a bicycle helmet is also a clear example of a mommy fail moment. I am quite embarrassed about and serves as a good learning lesson to be more mindful for safety reasons.

The loopfiets (walking bicycle) that my son has is the Wishbone 3-1-bike. I highly recommend it and definitely consider it a worthy investment piece especially if you’re going to have more than one child!

 

P.S. If you’d like to waste more time and get random updates from me, come and join me on my Facebook page. I promise I’ll try my best not to be too annoying.

 

Don’t Be Friends with the American Mom

4 February 2014
By

The moment I stumbled upon the article ” Why You Should Absolutely Date A Girl Who Travels” , I was immediately inspired to write a spin-off. Hilariously enough, the article was a direct response to a blog post cleverly titled “Don’t Date A Girl Who Travels”  currently going viral on the internet. Not surprisingly, there’s also one called “Don’t Date A Girl Who Wants To Change The World, Join Her” that made me say a resounding Amen after reading it. Here’s my contribution to the spin-offs, a lighthearted and obviously satirical take (with moments of vulnerability) on being an American mom in the Netherlands.

 

juniorandme

 

She’s the mother with the frazzled look, chasing around her toddler son on his loopfiets (walking bicycle) and making sure he doesn’t fall into one of the canals. Her dark brown skin pales in the soft Dutch sunlight, black hair tied haphazardly in a bun. She gets plenty of sunshine from her toddler who had the staring role of aging her ten years from the moment he was born. Although she’s a stranger from a different shore, she’ll  entertain you with her stories if you let her.

 

Don’t be friends with the American mom. She’s socially clumsy. She didn’t grow up in your country and doesn’t know all the cultural nuances. Fresh off the boat, she assumed friendships were simply made by breaking bread. And she really wasn’t impressed upon her initial exposure to corpsballen and hockey-club people. She now, however, can enjoy pleasant conversations over a cup of coffee, or a glass (or two) of wine even among alleen maar nette mensen (only decent people) given the right circumstances.

 

Don’t be friends with the American mom for her enthusiasm, openness and natural high-on life personality might be a bit too much for the stereotypical reserved and distant Dutch demeanor.  She’s passing it forward to her toddler son who greets every passerby with a wave and a hello. Don’t be shy to say hello back. She’s part of the loud, passionate kind of people who wear their hearts on their sleeves and will smother you with kindness if you let them. And if you ask her where she’s from and she responds “I’m from San Francisco” with an obvious hint of homesickness, please have the courtesy not to question where she’s really from. Ask yourself first if you would give someone with a paler complexion the same inquisition.

 

Chances are, she’s quite content staying home with her toddler, trying to make the best of a rather enjoyable, but exhausting period of her life.  For now, she’s thousands of miles away from a built-in-support network of supportive relatives. Her only nagging heartache is that her son isn’t growing up with an Oma or Opa. She mischievously wonders if she can “Rent-an-Oma” to supplement his lack of doting grandparents.  Don’t hold your breath expecting her to cry a river. Rather, you’d probably hear her roar from a distance or up close and personal, giving all the love she can to her little man and surrounding him with people who do care. Beyond her own little family of three, she’s also welcomed friends into the heart of her home and they’ve become extended family anyway.

 

Don’t be friends with the American mom because you might have to speak English. While she genuinely wants to meet you more than half way and converse in Dutch, she has her eyes sights set on raising her son bilingual.  Her husband and her are strictly following the one parent, one language methodology.  That means that she will only speak in English to her son and not let him know (at least for now) that she can also communicate in Dutch. She can’t wait to listen to her son sing classic nursery rhymes in her mother tongue. And after seven years in the country, she’s earned her street cred knowing intimately too well that the Netherlands really is a multicultural society that extends beyond the controversial, polarizing labeling of alloctoon (originating from another country). So please support their decision in raising their son a child of the world.

 

Don’t be friends with the American mom since she’s embraced the refreshing art of Dutch directness. She’ll also be the first to refute the infamous reputation of the Dutch being rude. Here’s a major light bulb moment- there’s rude people everywhere in the world. However, there’s also a clear difference between being rude and being direct. She knows that some people simply haven’t mastered the gentle art of being polite, especially if they’re  speaking in a different language that they often don’t use. Though, she’s also learned not to let anyone hide behind the convenience of culture for poor, inexcusable behavior. She’s a whole lot wiser now, gauging the temperature of the situation and carefully assessing what is and what isn’t lost in translation.

 

She’s found genuine happiness in the Low Countries and she definitely doesn’t need any sympathy for being the lone foreigner in her Dutch village. She actually wished she moved there sooner because the Dutch suburbanites have bestowed her nothing but kindness, patience and acceptance (despite being mistaken for an au pair twice!). She’ll always be a city girl at heart, but she absolutely loves having a huge garden for her toddler to play in and the sanctity of not having to share any walls with any disgruntled neighbors. Many in major cities seem not too keen on the pitter patter and bangs and collisions of tiny little feet.

 

So don’t be friends with the American mom unless you’re willing to open up your own Dutch reality.  And if you prefer your world to simply be only Dutch, than keeping your distance is actually much appreciated. She wouldn’t want to change for your convenience. But if you happen to take your chance on the American mom you see at the local playground, she’ll change your world in more ways than you’ll ever know. Her radiant personality and American optimism will eventually melt your heart and maybe, just maybe you’ll welcome her like a long-lost sister.

Stuff Dutch Babies Like

3 February 2014
By

Inspired by Stuff Dutch People Like‘s insightful musings about Dutch culture, I’d like to share some stuff that Dutch babies like. Or more accurately, what seems like almost all doting Dutch parents buy for their bundle of joys.

As a first-time anxious mom, I meticulously studied Babble’s Top 100 Newborn Essentials. While nothing quite prepares you for motherhood until the actual experience of becoming one, I somehow found comfort in being ultra-prepared. I was also curious about what other Dutch moms and moms living in the Netherlands bought for their little ones. After all, if my baby was going to be half-Dutch anyway and we were going to live in this country, might as well try to “integrate”.

Interestingly, I found these four common baby products that seemed quintessentially Dutch:

Stuff Dutch Babies Like

1.  A Bassinet or Cradle (Wieg)
It’s not a surprise that the Dutch who absolutely value gezelligheid (warm, cosiness, pleasant atmosphere), would also have a bassinet or cradle for their newborns. After all, a tiny baby in a cradle or bassinet is much cozier than a full-size crib. Dutch babies graduate to a full-size crib usually between the ages of three to six months depending on how big the wieg is and how fast the baby grows.

After what took forever to finally decided on a co-sleeper, we finally decided on the Bloom Alma Urban Cot. Not only is the Bloom Alma Urban Cot gorgeous to look at, but quite practical to have because it’s foldable, an awesome advantage for Dutch living. Alternatively, I would have chosen the Bed Nest.

 

2. Wooden Playpen (box)
What seems to be a staple in every single Dutch living room is a wooden playpen referred to as a box. When I first set my eyes on one, I was a bit startled because it seemed more like a cage. I soon learned, however, that the box is quite a practical thing to have. While I don’t know any parents that actually leave their baby in the box for long, extended periods of time, a wooden playpen in the living room allows parents to momentarily put their baby while they do quick errands like cooking, or opening the door for guests and packages.

A dear friend who moved to Singapore kindly gave us several baby stuff, including the beloved Dutch box. Americans have basically a similar version to the playpen, but most if not all are plastic variations. Personally, I find the wooden box more aesthetically appealing.

 

3. Baby bouncer (wipstoeltje)
Perhaps the American equivalent to a baby bouncer would be the swing. I have yet to see a swing in a Dutch household, but every single person in the Netherlands seems to have a baby bouncer. For our little one, we decided to go for the Baby Bjorn Babysitter Balance (Organic).

 

4. High-end Luxury Stroller (Kinderwagen)
While American parents ubiquitously question the practicality of a high-end luxury stroller, Dutch parents seem to already have their eyes set on which high-end luxury stroller they want.  If you’re driving everywhere (like most Americans do), than it really doesn’t make sense to invest so much on a stroller. However, if you live in a thriving Dutch metropolitan city like Amsterdam or Utrecht where walking and biking are the norm, strollers are considered investment pieces that are worth their weight in gold.

It seems like a Dutch right of passage for parents-to-be to head over a ginormous Costco-size warehouse called Baby Park in Gouda to test drive the different strollers. Thanks to the Joolz Earth Edition Elephant Grey stroller and the gorgeous canals of Utrecht’s historic city center, I was able to literally walk off 20 kilos with my baby in tow within 5 months, no dieting necessary.

 

 

Whether or not a cradle, wooden playpen, baby bouncer and high-end luxury stroller are actually essentials are definitely up to debate. In all honesty, what babies all essentially need are loving parents, milk (breast-milk or formula), clothes, diapers, and a safe place to sleep. The rest are simply luxuries that many Dutch households with children seem to have. Perhaps it’s also the generous child benefit allowance of € 191.65 each quarter regardless of income level that allows Dutch babies to have all these nice things. Let’s also not forget the Dutch culture of giving new parents pre-loved items and the popularity of buying stuff second hand.

What ever the case may be, Dutch babies (and their parents) like cradles, wooden playpens, baby bouncers and high-end luxury strollers. Do you?

 

p.s. If you like to waste time, come and head on over to my Facebook Page.

Going Dutch – Putting Dutch Parenting on the Map

28 January 2014
By

dutchnostalgia
A snapshot of a picture perfect childhood in the Netherlands (my husband’s family)

Imagine my surprise when I stumbled upon the article The New “It” Nationality for Parenting Perfectly written by American writer Madeline Holler. I was tickled to learn her interpretation of my viral article (and hence my blog) as promoting the wonders of Dutch parenting in order to raise happy kids.

On a more serious note, could she be interpreting my writing and observations of Dutch parenting to be another variation of Pamela Druckerman’s Bringing Up Bébé : One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting or Amy Chua’s Battle Hymm of the Tiger Mother?  To be perfectly honest, I had no intention of joining the latest bandwagon of buzz-worthy parenting trends and philosophies. I wanted to be part of the international conversation about parenting and share my own experiences of raising a child in a foreign country. Parenting, after all, is a universally shared experience.

Perhaps most importantly, Holler’s article inspired me to reflect on how this blog is evolving and its future direction. My delayed light-bulb moment has finally come – Why not write more illuminating stories about Dutch parenting and culture for the rest of the world to learn about? Since parenting and culture are intimately intertwined, there’s plenty of material for me to entertain myself (and my readers) with.

While no one genuinely believes that the Netherlands is a perfect utopia and there is lots of room for improvement, the Dutch have succeeded in raising happy kids. That’s an accomplishment that the Dutch should be proud of.  Let’s also not forget to mention that Dutch women don’t get depressed  the fourth happiest place in the world happens to be the Dutch city of Utrecht. Suffice to say, I’m just surrounded by lots and lots of happiness.

I hope you guys join me in my endeavor to put Dutch parenting on the map. Here’s to Finding Dutchland, where ever you may be!

p.s. I’d love some company on my Facebook page if you’d like to get to know me more.

 

Meet The Dutch, the Luckiest People in the World

17 January 2014
By

 

bramandjuniorpicsWhen my half-Dutch and half-American son was born, one of the very first thoughts that came to my mind was, “Dear child, you are truly, absolutely incredibly blessed.”

As a child of immigrant Filipino parents, I was raised on the overzealous (and arguably pathological) Asian parenting philosophy that overemphasized hard-work, immense sacrifices and merit. To get an insight of my upbringing, you can read self-proclaimed Tiger Mommy Amy Chua’s infamous “Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior“. While I am immensely grateful for having attended private schools and the privilege of graduating from the best public university in the world, I came out with a skewed perspective of success. My life was supposed to be all about the pursuit of prestige, salary, status and security.

Imagine for a moment when I was first baptized into the Dutch collectivist thinking of not standing out, or the cultural emphasis of simply being average. An introduction to Dutch culture would often include being taught to “Doe maar gewoon, dan doe je al gek genoeg,” roughly translated as “Just be normal, that is crazy enough.”

I was quite perplexed at seeing my 20-something university educated Dutch peers enjoying a Peter Pan lifestyle, sing praises of how life in the Netherlands, on average, was really wonderful and appear to lack the same drive, intensity, ambition, workaholic tendencies, and anxiety that I was so accustomed to.

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I spent my entire life trying to avoid being average. Mediocrity in my not-so-humble (delusional) opinion was a stigma, the fountainhead of shame. I was indoctrinated to believe that my self-worth was inextricably tied to my visible accomplishments greedily judged and scrutinized by status-conscious friends, family and acquaintances. And on a more real, practical level, without hard work, grit, a diploma from a prestigious university, luck and ingenuity, I would never be able fulfill the ever so elusive American dream of a better life, or even dare hope for upward mobility.

The Dutch cultural emphasis on averageness was the very antithesis of the American ideal of excellence. It was surreal to witness that on average, many Dutch people had happy, fulfilling lives simply by being average and showered with amazing privileges from the moment they were born. I was indignant and incredulous. It was completely unfair that the rest of the world, like Americans, had to work much harder and had more uncertain future than those in the Low Countries.

It was a difficult transition to move from the American philosophy of bootstrapping (lifting oneself up through individual effort, hard work and personal responsibility) to Dutch privilege and the accompanying lifestyle of entitlements (subsidies, uitkeringen en toeslagen). Seven expat years, a Dutch husband and a half-Dutch son later, I’m convinced that the Dutch (and those who live in the Netherlands) are truly among the luckiest people in the world.

While the Netherlands is far from faults and the weather can be quite unforgiving, especially for those accustomed to sunnier dispositions, the Dutch have accomplished a very high standard of living for the average citizen.  Here’s my personal insight as to why the Dutch are the luckiest people in the world:

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Part-Time Work Champion of Europe (and hence, the World)
Writer Collen once wrote an insightful observation of the Dutch national pastime of “Not Working“. The Dutch work the least amount of hours in the European Union (and thus arguably the least in the industrialized world), proudly devoting only 30.6 hours a week to work and allowing the rest of the time to devote to family and their own personal interests. The Dutch have discovered that in order to be more productive in the working world, they also need the time and space for their own personal well being and time with their families and friends. Meanwhile, American intellectuals such as Wharton Professor Steve Friedman are still presenting this idea as a novel paradigm shift, positing several policy changes to make it possible for millennials to better balance work and family life.


Access to the Healthiest, Most Affordable Food in the World
According to International Charity Oxfam, The Netherlands ranks first place in the world for having the most plentiful, nutritious, healthy and affordable diet. Oxfam’s “Good Enough to Eat” index compares 125 countries, creating a snapshot of the different challenges and every day realities people face in acquiring food.

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Dutch Educational System
While the United States American educational system continues to fail its students, The Netherlands has achieved something truly remarkable: it prepares an echelon of students who can intellectually compete on an international level and prepares even the least privileged students to a moderately high level of achievement.  While Dutch students do well in standardized tests but rarely excel, almost everyone is entitled to receiving generous student grants for their pursuit of higher education. Their American counterparts however are facing a $1.2 trillion college debt crisis.


Affordable Housing, Subsidized for Almost Everyone
The Dutch Netherlands has an extensive public housing system where qualified people get apartments for below-market rents. Recent figures show that as many as 54% of Dutch households live in rented accommodations, with only 13% renting from private landlords. The stigma associated with living in social housing does not exist in the Netherlands as many high earning professionals, never being required to move, readily take advantage of the generously lack system of insanely affordable rent.

In fact, the Dutch government also doesn’t discriminate against those wealthy enough to own homes, generously providing mortgage interest tax deductions and other subsidies to homeowners. The Dutch, after all, are the most indebted households in the euro zone with an average debt exceeding 250% of disposable income.


Generous Welfare State and Subsidies
(Inter)National headlines were made when writer Rodaan Al Galidi, who was honored with the EU’s literature prize on behalf of the Netherlands, failed his citizenship test because he lacked an intimate understanding of the Dutch welfare benefit system (uitkering). It seems integrating into Dutch society requires one to master the art of receiving government aid. While the Netherlands does have an extensive and seemingly over-bearing tax system, there’s a mutual understanding that everyone simply hires a clever accountant to access all the deductions, exploit loopholes and maximize eligible subsidies.

IMG_8617Safety
The Netherlands is one of the safest countries in the world. While tourists and Dutch citizens can be victims to theft as in most modern, industrialized countries, being a victim of gun violence or random gun accidents is unheard of. As a mother, I can’t help but become anxiously weary of America’s obsession with guns and the safety of my child  if we go back to San Francisco.


Magical Childhoods
Dutch children are consistently rated by Unicef as the happiest children in the world while ranking American children near the very bottom. The general life satisfaction and contentment of Dutch parents is definitely a major contributing factor to their happiness.


While I am still undecided as to whether or not I want to permanently settle in the Netherlands, I am forever indebted to having experienced a society that really does take care of its own. Is it any wonder that the happiness of the Dutch is simply a reflection of living in a country that allows for a life well lived?

Obviously, I only touched the tip of the ice-berg on reasons why living in the Netherlands can be a wonderful experience. What are some other aspects of living in the Netherlands that you guys enjoy? Do Dutch people also feel like their among the luckiest people in the world?

p.s. Interested in wasting more time? Come join me on my Facebook page with guaranteed posts about my adventures in the Netherlands as an expat mom and random parenting articles and inspirational material floating around the world wide web.

Why Dutch Moms Have it Made

9 January 2014
By

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You’ve probably heard that Dutch kids are the happiest kids in the world. And of course, just like how French women don’t get fat,  Dutch women don’t get depressed.  As an American mom living in the Netherlands, I can’t help think that Dutch moms have it made.

Obviously as an expat, I’m naturally inclined to learn about Dutch culture by comparing it with my own (American) and can easily find myself falling into the temptation of romanticizing the differences. Motherhood is a challenging, rewarding, exhausting, invigorating, guilt provoking, insecurity unraveling, life affirming paradox for everyone.  After all, no one can deny that being a mom is a universal shared experience. We easily lament one moment about severe sleep deprivation and epic toddler tantrums and the next moment eagerly partake in Fakebooking.

Without a doubt Dutch moms and moms raising their little ones in the Netherlands also have their equal share of real-life challenges, faced with making choices, compromises, and sacrifices.  There are, however, some institutionalized and cultural differences between the United States and the Netherlands that are worth noting, especially when it comes to parenting. These differences are actually what kept me and my husband from returning back to the City by the Bay (at least, until we’re more financially secure enough to brave the playground of the rich).

I couldn’t resist sharing with the rest of the world three solid reasons why Dutch moms (and moms living in the Netherlands) are among the luckiest moms in the world.

 

Maternal Health Care Choice

Unlike the United States where pregnancy and birth is considered a medical condition, the Dutch consider pregnancy as simply a natural event in every day life that does not need much medical intervention. Pregnant women in the Netherlands actually have a choice whether or not to go to a midwife, or an obstetrician. Let’s also not forget that the American way of birth and maternity care is the costliest in the world.

Urban legend has it that almost all low-risk, healthy pregnant women in the Netherlands go to the local midwife for their entire pregnancy. High-risk women such as those with high-blood pressure, advanced maternal age and/or carrying multiples are relegated to the obstetrician.  In reality and from my own experience and that of other mommy friends, whether or not we see an obstetrician, or a midwife is simply based on our personal preferences.

While there is a contentious, heated debate about the relative safety of planned homebirths (and one that I plan to write about another time), what’s important to take home is that the Netherlands has achieved empowering women to make informed decisions about their own care and delivery options. Women in the Netherlands have a choice between an obstetrician and a midwife – a hospital birth, or a birth at home, all covered by universal health insurance and that makes all the difference.

 

Postpartum Maternity and Newborn Care (Kraamzorg)

While postpartum care in the United States is virtually non-existent, each and every mom is entitled to having maternity care (kraamzorg) for eight to ten days after the birth of their child. The Netherlands is the only country where a professional maternity nurse (kraamzorger) will come to the home and look after the newborn and the mother. Generously covered by universal health insurance, the maternity nurse will show a first time mom and dad how to care for the baby, help resolve any breastfeeding issues, closely monitor the recovery of the mother and the growth progress of the newborn. In addition, the nurse will help with other children, prepare meals, take care of laundry (washing, folding and ironing) and perform light housecleaning. Moms in the Netherlands often refer to their kraamzorger as the fairy tale godmother, a real life Mary Poppins incarnate.

As more and more of my American friends are becoming mothers, I can’t help but wish that they would receive the same maternity care as I had. Postpartum maternal health care is a neglected aspect in the United States and one that deserves serious reconsideration. I have a sneaking suspicion that maternity nurses may also help with deterring postpartum depression by allowing the (new) mom to rest, regain her strength, and bond with the baby as someone else is delegated to run the rest of the household. Perhaps if we Americans stop for a moment and have a national discourse about a woman’s right and need to recuperate after child delivery, there would be a lot more happier and healthier moms.

 

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Institutionalized Recognition that Parenting is Important for Both Men and Women

As the “part-time work champion of Europe“, the Netherlands fosters a culture that embraces work-life balance for all its members. Parenting is considered an essential aspect of life in the Netherlands with Daddy day being a recognized and continues to be a growing institution. The competitive Dutch labor market acknowledges the importance of both mothers and fathers, often allowing comparatively generous part-time work schedules, or working-from-home arrangements.  The Dutch believe that offering workers flexible working schedules leads to greater productivity, not less – after all, the Netherlands did rank 5th on the Global Competitiveness Index of 2012-2013.

Interestingly, the Dutch also work fewer hours than any OECD country in the world, working on average only 1,379 hours a year compared with the OECD average of 1,776 hours. That’s a difference of 397 hours, or almost 50 8-hour work days! Can you imagine what you and your family can do with 50 extra days a year to spend together?

While American moms are struggling across the pond with the unrealistic expectation and tremendous pressure of having it all, Dutch moms are content with working part-time and having their men take on equal parenting responsibilities. On the positive note for both Dutch and American moms is that modern fathers are hands on, with fathers happily taking on bathing, dressing, feeding and diaper changing duties.

 

 

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Family life in the Netherlands is definitely not free from the trials and tribulations of every day life. Sometimes I even question my own sanity as to agreeing in raising our young brood far from a strong, social support network of my relatives in San Francisco while my husband pursues his entrepreneurial dreams.  There isn’t a day that passes that I miss my home, but for now, I can’t help but sing praises of my newly adopted country and her kindness and generosity towards her mothers.
Here’s to Finding Dutchland, where ever you may be!

Want to waste more time? Come join me on my Facebook page to get regular updates of my adventures in the Low Countries and random but guaranteed interesting (parenting) articles circulating around the web.

 

 

 

2014 New Year Mindfulness Resolutions

1 January 2014
By

findingdutchland new year

 “(Today) is the first blank page of a 365 page book. Make it a good one.” Brad Paisley

Amusingly enough, I never made New Year’s resolutions until now. Ironically, I live for fresh starts – the early morning hours when the whole world is still asleep, a new blank page to a diary, the start of the week, a new month….a new year. There’s something particularly seductive about the anticipation of a clean slate – fresh, uncluttered, uncomplicated and unwritten.

What’s even more inspiring is that there’s this incredible energy being being shared that 2014 will be a great year. I’m harnessing this energy, this bright, shining new year with endless possibilities, to make it my do-over-year. I’m sending in my official resignation to the Exhausted, Frazzled Hot-Mess Moms club. I refuse to become a martyr mother and not enjoy my happily ever after with my bundle of joy.

Now almost twenty-one months (+eight months if you count pregnancy) into the journey of motherhood, I’m ready to take control of my life. I’m tired of being tired, of finding myself burning the candle at both ends. How can I ever be the mother I want to be if I’m always almost running on empty? Motherhood shouldn’t be like this. Not for me and never again if I can help it.

In order to achieve all of my ambitious resolutions, I’m going to focus on one word for 2014 – Mindfulness. The idea is to “identify one idea,  summarizing it in just one word, as overarching theme” that guides our decision making lives for the entire year.  This year I am make the conscious decision to sincerely be mindful in my daily life.

Mindfulness is defined as “the nonjudgmental awareness of experiences in the present moment”.  I’ve always suffered from inattentional blindness, surprisingly unaware of all the details of my present life and environment. I want to start seeing and observing. I’m one of those dreamers, thinking –always thinking but not really living. My son is growing up way too fast and I want to be able to look back at his fleeting childhood knowing that I was able to really enjoy his innocence and idiosyncrasies that only a mother could absolutely adore about him.

The first two years of my son’s life was spent not being 100% truly present but rather going through the motions, taking one day at a time as I struggled with severe sleep deprivation, lack of family support and rarely any time for myself. I’m also convinced that me practicing mindfulness will also allow me to practice daily gratitude – when I’m truly present, I can take the time to pause and reflect on all the blessings life has bestowed upon me and my family.

 

My 2014 New Year’s Resolutions

 

1. Taking Care of Myself

What New Year’s resolution wouldn’t be complete without promises of eating healthier, exercising more regularly and getting more sleep? With year-round allergies, chronic asthma, and gestational diabetes, I owe it to myself and my family to take better care of my body and my mind. Part of this taking care of one’s self business also includes monthly dates with friends and regular date nights with my husband without my toddler to chase around.

2. Practicing Mindful Parenting

With an au pair at hand to help me with light household chores and give me some regular ME time, I can now really give an honest chance at mindful parenting. While I like to delude myself into believing I’m a master at multitasking, I’m horrible at really being in the moment. My toddler son needs me right now and I want to give all of myself when I am taking care of him. Although I have made a concerted effort in not being a distracted parent, there’s all the other real life daily responsibilities that take up my focus away from him. This year I hope to continue parenting him being truly present.

3. Writing

This New Year I am giving myself the time and space to work on my writing. No longer will I have to write under the mercy of my toddler’s erratic sleep schedule. This mama is going to unleash the creative genius in her, mustering the bravado to get my work published. And even if this endeavor results in lots of radio silence from coveted publication networks, disappointment and heartache, at least I had fun trying and hopefully became a better writer because of it.

 

What are your New Year’s resolutions?

 

“May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks you’re wonderful, and don’t forget to make some art – write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.” -Neil Gaiman