Discovering the Dutch

Joyful Tidings

31 December 2013
By

joyfultidings

Inspired by the blog post The Holiday Card No One Ever Sends, I’d love to reflect on the wonderful, albeit tumultuous year, our family had.

We didn’t send out cards this year wishing our loved ones, near and far, a wonderful Holiday Season. We were nearing another year of raising a young family on our own and by the time November rolled around, we were both too exhausted to muster the energy to have another stylized photo shoot (picturesque nature background, coordinating outfits, and a perfectly stolen moment with all of us smiling).

In the spirit of enjoying the last day of 2013, I’d love to share all the growing pains and joys that our family did experience.

This year we…

Almost moved into a beautifully restored rijksmonument (a designated national heritage site of the Netherlands). It was an authentic, historical herenhuis (gentlemen’s house) complete with original 17th century marble floors, crown moldings and a lovely rose garden. The 2nd floor drawing room was a writer’s dream come true with a picturesque view of the river Vecht and an endless source of inspiration as time stood still. It was a house that could easily be featured in Apartment Therapy.

On the day of officially signing the lease, I backed out. I wasn’t ready yet to leave our beloved apartment right in the very heart of Utrecht. Part of me was not yet confident in moving to a Dutch village inconveniently removed from the strong, social support network I’ve come to rely on. And most of all, I wasn’t comfortable with the idea of living in a home that needed to be treated like a museum while chasing around a precocious toddler.

We cried at the loss of a dream and were close to running on empty. Our then 10 month old son still wasn’t sleeping through the night.

Two months later, we found the right home in Dutch suburbia. The moment we moved in, our baby slept through the night. Makes me wonder if perhaps there were actually ghosts that were haunting our son in our previous home.

Just a week shy of moving, our son turned one and was baptized. We celebrated it in Pinterest worthy fashion with about a hundred friends and family. Stay tuned for those pictures to pop up on my blog.

We soon realized that a house had a lot more responsibilities than an apartment. Our lives was inextricably linked to simply doing chores associated with Dutch suburbia- mowing the lawn, grocery shopping on Saturday (stores generally still closed on Sundays), dropping off diapers and glasses at the local drop-off site. Let’s not forget the daily grind of child rearing, cleaning, cooking, and laundry. Rinse and repeat.

We laughed through the tears from utter exhaustion of being a young family with absolutely no extended family close by (otherwise known as built-in childcare services) to lend a helping hand.

We argued and questioned our decision in regards to raising our son so far from my family. Never a day would pass when I would momentarily think about the City by the Bay.

We, did, however, regularly count our blessings.

We vacationed in Italy, first hopping over to Milan to meet our son’s fabulous godparents, jet-setting with them to their villa in Sardinia and then heading over to our regular playground, Monterosso al Mare (Cinque Terre) where we were greeted with open arms with our  amici.

Our son started walking. And I finally relented to the reality that no matter how many Montessori-inspired play things I would buy for him, he was more concerned with exploring the world around him. Most of all, he simply needed my undivided attention. Days would simply be spent playing a simple version of hide-and-go seek (him hiding behind his blanket or behind the curtains), reading books, cuddling and going for long, leisurely walks.

Our house became the half-way house for all the neighborhood kids- a place where we would bake cupcakes, make water balloons and spend the endless summer days in the garden. They adored our son (the only baby) and welcomed us into the neighborhood. Our house started to feel like home.

And though I wrestled with the idea of whether or not being a stay-at-home mom was the right choice, simply looking at my son erased my insecurities away.  He won’t remain small for long.

I finally acquiesced to hiring an au pair, letting go of my unrealistic expectations that I could be a supermom who do everything on my own while my husband chased his dreams of entrepreneurial success. It wasn’t fair either to our son with both parents running on empty. There should be no shame in having hired help.

I started writing, giving myself permission to use my voice. People actually liked what I had to write (Thank-you for visiting my little space on the internet).

I made tons of new, fabulous friends, strengthened existing friendships and mourned the apparent loss of ones that were dear to my heart. Friends coming and going like a revolving door is a unique risk one takes living the oh-so-glamorous expat life. An optimist at heart, I’m keeping an open door for kindred spirits that I’ve lost touch with, confident that we’ll find each other again in this crazy journey called life.

We found a new church and hope to build a closer relationship to God.

Each time my father would have a Skype video chat with my toddler son, my heart would break into a million tiny pieces. My son has a grandfather who completely adores him and worships the pitter patter of his tiny feet. He would happily babysit him on a regular basis and simply love him for all that he is – there would be no pleading, no begging, no compromises for our son to simply be a regular part of my father’s life. But my father lives an ocean and an entire continent away.

For the first time in my life, I confronted the idea of death and my own mortality. Only one person I was ever close to passed away, but I never once questioned the idea of heaven. Growing up Catholic and being religiously sent to Catholic school for 14 years guaranteed a degree of obliviousness to the possibility of eternal oblivion. Moving to a very secular country and becoming a parent led me to re-examine my faith and entertain (foolishly) what happens after we take our last breath.

By the time December rolled around, right at the arrival of our fabulous au pair, I decided to finally breathe. I stopped writing. I started picking up the pieces of our home and designated a couple hours a day setting our house (and my mind) in order. I never had the chance until now. It took a month. Having an organized home (and alone time) is really great for the mind. I highly recommend it.

I worry about my husband working long days to make his company a success. I get temperamental, running short on patience as the holiday season comes around. I quickly offer my apologies, telling him how much I’m proud of him. And pray.

One of my closest friends (she’s like a sister I never had) asked me a simple question (a perfect Christmas gift in disguise, snapping me out of my neurosis about death): “Would you live your life differently?” My answer was a resounding “Yes!”.  You only live once.

Our life may have several inconveniences and far from perfect, but there’s no shortage of love in this family. And as far as I’m concerned – our love for one another and our son makes us truly blessed and immensely lucky.

I’m ready to write again.

Thank-you 2013 for a memorable year. 2014 we’re welcoming you with open arms. Wishing everyone a wonderful last day of the year and a very blessed New Year!

9 Beautiful Truths About Parenthood

13 November 2013
By

I’m a first time mom raising a 19 month old son with my husband in a foreign country I am only starting to call home. The journey of parenthood itself is already an enigma, a hotchpotch of emotions ranging from happiness, triumph, ambivalence, anxiety, apprehension, and utter exhaustion. Raising a child in a foreign country in an interracial marriage also brings lots of opportunities for misunderstandings, comic relief and an endless amount of writing material. What isn’t lost in translation is our love for one another and for our son.

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I’ve tiptoed around making direct comparisons between American and Dutch parenting because it is treacherous ground, mined with stereotypes and sweeping generalizations rich with incomplete truths.  Becoming a parent and being a parent, after all, is a universal shared experience. Regardless of what all the parenting articles, books and classes tell us (with all the conflicting messages from experts abound), chances are that our children might land in therapy anyway. The uncomfortable truth is that we’re all flying around a bit blind, especially in the beginning. In fact, each subsequent pregnancy and each child might be different experience all together, eluding the one-size-fits-all mentality.

The only way I could self-assess whether or not I was being a good enough mother was seeing how happy my non-verbal bundle of joy appeared to be and to commiserate with other moms.  While nothing can compare to real world, first hand experience of attending a play date and sharing a much needed caffè macchiato or a glass of wine with other mommy friends, I love getting lost in the world of parenting articles and books. It’s often not very easy or convenient to arrange play dates with the three and under crowd. Scheduling a play date based on respective children’s temperaments and nap schedules requires a certain finesse and a bit of mental gymnastics. Opening up a parenting book, or reading an article is a lot more forgiving to the whims of a babe (reading = when baby/toddler is asleep).

I’ve decided to pass it forward with love, thinking about my overseas BFF who just became a new mom, friends who are mommies-to-be, mommy friends and moms in general who may need a pick-me-up or two, or simply a resounding Amen.  I hope that some might also speak to you as a parent, and if not, that’s okay too- I can’t stress enough that there is not a one-size-fits all mentality for parents and children. For parents who are avid readers, a lot will be familiar because these are the very articles and books that come highly recommended.

Here is some collective wisdom about parenting and mothering I’ve gained and that the universe (family, friends, acquaintances, and writers)  has kindly bestowed upon me in the past two years:

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Being a mom is enough.
Writer Rachel Marie Martin honestly shares, “Somehow in this mixed up media world of things to do and places to go and dreams to follow the beauty of simply being a mother is completely lost.”  Parenting isn’t really glamorous, but neither is real life any way. The moment we can admit that and let go of the illusion of perfection, the happier we (and our children) are going to be. I’m a firm believer that the majority of life, especially parenthood, is a sum of all the ordinary days composed of the randomness and spontaneity that children bring. Simply being a mom to my 19 month old son is enough.

Breastfeeding concerns are shared by almost all new moms.
By all means, take the breastfeeding classes and read all the recommended books by moms-in-the-know. Theory and real-world application, however, are two very different experiences. Breastfeeding in reality, however, can be a lot more challenging than what moms initially suspected and have been led to believe. Despite the World Health Organization’s recommendation to exclusively breastfeed for at least six months, only 16% of infants actually are. If it wasn’t for my sheer tenacity and prior request for a maternity nurse who was also lactation consultant, I probably would not have succeeded in breastfeeding. Kellymom has been a life savior in my darkest moments, arguably the most comprehensive resource for breastfeeding mothers in the entire web.

Be kind to your postpartum body and hormones.
Speaking of maternity nurse, one of the wisest words of wisdom she shared with my husband and me is “Remember that it took (in general) 9 months for your body to accommodate and nourish a beautifully formed human being. Be kind to yourself and give yourself time. This also applies to hormones.” Learn to embrace the skin that you’re in as a mother, a new woman.

Learn to graciously accept unsolicited advice.
There’s something about the journey of parenthood, whether you are pregnant, holding a baby or running after a toddler, that inspires everyone (family, friends, neighbors, random people and even childless people) to give you advice. Though, in all honesty, I have a sneaking suspicion that unsolicited advice will continue to linger regardless of what age my child is.  While it’s also well known that the road to hell is paved with good intentions, sometimes it’s best to just be diplomatic. Also remember that just because someone voiced their opinion doesn’t necessarily mean you have to take it into consideration. In one ear, out the other.

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Whether you decided to be a stay-at-home mom, work full-time, work half-time, or work at-home, there is no universal, ready-made solution.
I recently posted on Facebook “How does a mother balance her own ambitions while trying to be the best mom she can be to her child with all the conflicting messages out there? The four options seem to be stay-at-home, work-full-time, work-part-time, work- at-home. All of which are supported, or negated by current research and personal opinions from people.” I wasn’t surprise that I got different responses, some included light-hearted suggestions of cloning and the possible package of mommy guilt. Everyone unanimously agreed that there was no universal, ready-made solution and we simply have to choose what’s best for our family and for ourselves.

What is important to also address is that the real mommy wars  isn’t about career moms and stay-at-home moms, cloth diapering vs. disposables, bottle feeding vs. breast feeding. Rather, as Mikki Kendall insightfully declares, the really mommy wars are about “the war on poor mothers, on disabled mothers, on indigenous mothers, on trans mothers, on mothers who are not in heterosexual relationships, on mothers who are migrant workers, on mothers doing the most with the least.”

A lot also depends whether or not you have a partner and who that partner is. Sheryl Sandberg’s controversial second message in her Barnard commencement address (and book Lean In: Women, Work and Will to Lead) was:  “I truly believe that the single most important career decision that a woman makes is whether she will have a life partner and who that partner is. I don’t know of a single woman in a leadership position whose life partner is not fully—and I mean fully—supportive of her career. No exceptions.” If we can get past the controversy Sandberg’s provocative suggestion, it is an opportunity to redefine traditional roles and allocation of household duties and child rearing.

 

Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself. –Kahlil Gibran, On Children

This particular line completely resonates with me and speaks to my spirit. It’s a challenge to articulate what it is about Kahil Gibran’s poem On Children that moves me.From the moment my son was born, he had his own personality and a very strong will. As parents, it’s our duty to provide him with the right environment for him to grow into his own person. We cannot determine his full potential or try to steer him in a certain direction – it’s up to him to discover who he is and what kind of person he wants to be. It’s really all about the passion of parenting.

The way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.
In the first chapter of Mary Sheedy Kurcinka book Raising Your Spirited Child, she shares “the reality is that children learn who they are from others in their lives.” All too often children, especially those in the tantrum phase, are given deconstructive labels such as “demanding, unpredictable, loud, argumentative” rather than uplifting ones such as holds high standards, flexible, and opinionated. The daily words we express to our children have an untellable impact on their psyche. It’s important as parents to help your kid’s inner voice be a kind one. I highly recommend the book to all parents, regardless of whether or not their child falls under being spirited.

And seriously consider the simple words “I love to watch you play.” in your daily repertoire with your children.

Parenthood and childhood is a marathon, not a sprint.
Writer Jen Hatmaker once wrote, “You will never have this day with your children again. Tomorrow they’ll be a little older then they were today. This day is a gift. Just breathe, notice, study their faces and little feet. Pay attention. Relish the charms of the present. Enjoy today, it will be over before you know it.” It’s time we stop saying hurry up and try to enjoy the small moments before our children’s childhood is all but a distant memory. It’s also important to be reminded what every four year old should know – the answers might surprise some of you.

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Four Simple Tips Against Dutch Winter Blues

7 November 2013
By

“The Dutch are the most depressed people in Europe.” Pieter Smit, Volkskrant, 6 November 2013

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According to The Global Burden of Diseases, Injuries, and Risk Factors Study 2010 (GBD 2010), the Dutch are the most depressed people in Europe.  GBD 2010 consisted of 488 researchers from 303 institutions in 50 countries and a consortium of prestigious institutions such as Harvard University, Johns Hopkins University, and the World Health Organization. Funded by the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, GPD 210 is one of the most comprehensive studies ever carried out, a collaborative effort of experts in epidemiology, economics, statistics and other disciplines to measure levels and trends in all major diseases, injuries and risk factors.

Not yet shy of two months ago, the Columbia University’s Earth Institute listed the Netherlands as the 4th happiest nation in the 2013 World Happiness Report. Let’s also not forget that Dutch kids have consistently ranked as the happiest kids in the world. How can one interpret these bipolar results?

As reported in the Volkskrant, University of Amsterdam Professor of Psychiatry Jan Swinkels reminds us that “Culture plays an important role. We are a somber people, but that doesn’t mean we need more help than the Germans or Belgians. A lot depends on individual context.”

photo courtesy of Melody Rae Photography


While I am still trying to comprehend the results of the study, I am aware that there persists a certain stigma around mental health issues that may not be openly addressed among the somber Dutch. Rather than dismissing it completely, I hope that the research findings allows other qualified Dutch health professionals to provide their own expertise on the matter. While there is a chance that the Dutch may not be the most depressed people in Europe, the winter months brings about a melancholic aura in the Netherlands that cannot be easily ignored or dismissed.

What I do know is that from my own personal experience living in the Netherlands, I am prone to suffering from seasonal affective disorder (SAD) from October to April (Dutch fall and winter months). SAD, as recognized by the Mayo Clinic, is a form of depression that occurs during the winter months due to reduced exposure to sunlight. Not surprising given that there is an average of only 40 hours of sunlight in December and January in the Low Countries.

Symptoms of SAD include:

  • Depression
  • Hopelessness
  • Anxiety
  • Loss of energy
  • Heavy, “leaden” feeling in the arms or legs
  • Social withdrawal
  • Oversleeping
  • Loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed
  • Appetite changes, especially a craving for foods high in carbohydrates
  • Weight gain
  • Difficulty concentrating

 

I could, in true Dutch fashion, start complaining with the rest of the Dutch just how utterly disenchanting and oppressive eight out of the twelve months of the year truly is. However, this post is more about trying to lift up our spirits already heavy from the dark gray clouds, the blistering cold wind, the perpetual rain/hail/snow that will haunt us for the next couple of months. I’m here to share with you my 4 ways of coping with Dutch winter blues:

Disclaimer:  I am a seasoned expat in the Netherlands and would love to give advice to other expats and fellow Dutchies suffering from the winter blues. However, I am not a licensed physician, nurse, nurse practitioner, psychologist, psychiatrist or therapist. Please consult a registered medical professional if you feel that you are suffering from depression and/or seasonal affective disorder.

 

1. Take a Sun Vacation or Better Yet, Dream One Away (Or Do Both)

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I can clearly remember heading towards my general practitioner’s office feeling I could possibly be depressed my first October here as an expat. I was in love with my soul-mate after all and didn’t understand what I was feeling. After telling her my symptoms and talking for a while, she smiled and told me to take a sun vacation, doctor’s orders. Ever since that fateful GP visit (and before becoming parents), my husband and I would always spend about 2-3 weeks in California every December. Not exactly a stereotypical sun vacation, but we got plenty of sunshine along with incredible food, beautiful nature, and perhaps the best cure to any winter blues – sharing love and laughter among our dearest friends and family in back in the Bay Area. There would always include a mini-roadtrip to Southern California too.

If you can’t actually take a sun vacation, Pinterest one anyway.  A New York Times article highlighted a study conducted by researchers in the Netherlands that measured the effects that vacations have on overall happiness and how long the effects lasted. The study, published in the journal Applied Research in Quality of Life, highlighted that the largest increase in happiness came from the simple act of planning a vacation. The effect of anticipation for going on vacation lasted on average eight weeks. Interestingly, the happiness levels of people quickly dropped upon returning from vacation.

 

2. Take Vitamin D Supplements

Please consult your general practitioner before taking Vitamin D supplements.

You might want to consider taking Vitamin D supplements. Some studies suggest an association between low vitamin D levels in the blood and various mood disorders, including depression and seasonal affective disorder (SAD). In one study, taking vitamin D regularly was found to improve symptoms of SAD better than light therapy. Further research studies are necessary to confirm these findings.

 

3. Surround Yourself With Friends and Family (Preferably Positive People)

If I ever actually get the chance (the joys of expat motherhood), my inner introvert self prefers staying at home, getting lost in a good book, and writing behind my macbook air, safe and warm in front of the fire place. I do, however, make a concerted effort, to spend some time with other kindred spirits (my girls, you know who you are). In a compelling article titled “Top five regrets of the dying“, letting golden friendship slip by through the years was one of the biggest regrets of those lying on their death bed. Hopefully, these treasured souls are generally a ray of sunshine too because hanging out with really pessimistic people may get you even more depressed.

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 4. Exercise

Who could ever forget Legally Blond’s Elle Wood’s (Reese Witherspoon) ingeneous theory that “Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. Happy people just don’t shoot their husbands, they just don’t.” While exercising outside in the blistering Dutch cold might not be everyone’s cup of tea, going to a gym may do wonders for your mental health. If you’re a mom and have trouble finding a babysitter to work-out,  five minute dances to your favorite songs interspersed throughout the day with your baby/ toddler can go a long way to keeping those blues in check and making memories with your precious bundle of joy.

 

 

Do you really think that the Dutch are the most depressed people in Europe?

 

Do you ever experience SAD? If yes, what are your coping strategies? Are they similar to mine? I’d love hear how other expats and Dutchies survive the winter months in the Low Countries.

 

 

Dutch Universal Health Care and Obamacare

6 November 2013
By

Being a relatively new avid follower of Matt Walsh, I almost choked on my morning coffee when stumbling upon his post “The Definitive Guide to How Obamacare is Destroying American Lives“.

Walsh writes, ” This is about people. People with kids, and bills, and health problems. This is about people who can no longer afford their health coverage, their mortgages, their lifesaving medication. This is about doctors and nurses leaving medicine behind, driven away by destructive bureaucratic interference.”

Unable to digest Walsh’s tirade over Obamacare, my sleep-deprived mommy brain started trying (in vain)  to process his rhetoric.  Are the lives of American people truly being destroyed because of Obamacare?

ghentGhent, Belgium

Unbeknownst to many and probably Walsh himself, the closest foreign analogue to the Affordable Healthcare Act (Obamacare) is the Dutch system.

Ironically, the ideas of Stanford Health Economist Alain Enthoven , specifically the theory of managed competition, was one of the main founding principles of the Dutch health care reform, an important source of inspiration for the Heritage Foundation and considered in the development of the Affordable Health Care Act.

The two goals of any health policy according to Enthoven, should revolve around the ideas of equity and efficiency:

” By equity I mean that a just and humane society can define a minimum standard of medical care that should be available to all its members -essentially all the cost-worthy medical care that can effectively prevent or cure diseases, relieve suffering, and correct dysfunction. (By “cost-worthy” I mean that marginal benefits equal marginal costs for persons of
average incomes). ” Alain Enthoven

“An efficient allocation of health care resources is one that minimizes the social cost of illness, including its treatment. This is achieved when the marginal dollar spent on health care produces the same value to society as the marginal dollar spent on defense, education, consumption, or other uses. Relevant costs include the suffering and inconvenience of patients as well as the resources used in producing care.” Alain Enthoven

How Enthoven’s theories turned to real world practice is where the contention lies. Implemented in 2006, the Dutch Healthcare Act required everyone who legally lived, or worked in the Netherlands to buy health insurance from a private insurance company. Insurers are required to accept each applicant at a community-rated premium regardless of preexisting conditions. The plan is financed with individuals’ annual income-based contributions to taxes. Employers are required to compensate their employees for these contributions. In addition, all adults are required to pay premiums directly to the selected insurer, which sets its own community-rated premium. Children under the age of 18 are not required to pay any premiums. For more information regarding the Dutch health care system as it applies to ordinary residents and citizens of the Netherlands, click here.

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Obamacare appears to be a much more convoluted system under the premise that insurers offer four varieties of basic insurance packages, bronze, silver, gold, and platinum, with different deductibles and different levels of coverage. Unless you’re an expert in health care, tax policy and health economics, it’s pretty challenging to fully comprehend how all the essential parts of Obamacare fit together. In fact, even experts have difficulty comprehending it, less alone be able to explain it in simple terms. Health Policy correspondent for NPR Julie Rovner admits that  “another reason for the confusion is that both supporters and opponents of the law have exaggerated and misrepresented things about the law“. She does her best in elucidating actual truths about the affordable health care act here.

I’m not sure what Walsh’s motivations were for writing such a sensationalist piece. I admit that he’s a brilliant writer, one that is able to illicit discourse and emotions – it’s why I was drawn to him in the first place. However, his rants in the month of October about Obamacare have deeply disheartened me as a fellow American, as a parent, as a liberal and as a Christian. Does he really speak for the average American collective whose lives will be ruined from Obamacare?

I doubt that the stories that Walsh shares with his audience are fabricated. It’s part of why I find what’s happening on the other side of the pond disheartening. Universal health insurance is not supposed to inflict a heavy economic burden.  However, rather than simply join the masses in a heated debate, I had expected him to be a voice of reason.

Perhaps if Walsh spent a bit more time advocating for more simple pragmatic solutions, the United States could be one step closer to joining the rest of the world in providing universal health care. Change, from what I recall living in America, happens from discussions at home, between friends, in the classrooms, and at local town hall meetings. Americans need real-life solutions and alternatives, not more rhetoric on the dangers and evils of what universal health care can bring.

Where Walsh fails to enlighten and empower his audience, I see it as an opportunity to pick up his slack and provide a more balanced view of a feasible alternative right across the pond. I’d love to share with the rest of the world what I’ve learned living in the Netherlands. Part of it involves living in a country where my husband (a self-employed entrepreneur) and I (a stay-at-home mom) only pay 100 euros each month for what equates to a silver package under Obamacare.

While the Dutch system is far from perfect, I have to give it to the Dutch for being a just and humane society that has defined a minimum standard of medical care available to all its members that can effectively prevent or cure diseases and relieve suffering. Doesn’t that fit into Christian ideals Matt Walsh?

P.S.
Obviously I hit a landmine deciding to write about this. There’s so much to write about this topic and other related topics that cannot be covered under one blog post. Please stay tuned in the next following weeks (every Wednesday) as I share with you how the Dutch do healthcare. Maybe, just maybe, my ramblings might inspire Americans to think of another alternative, one that doesn’t create such polarizing experiences.

P.P.S.
Like what you read thus far? Come join me on my Facebook Page Finding Dutchland to connect.

Expatica Blog Competition 2013 “I Am Not A Tourist”

4 November 2013
By

” The reason why we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel. ”   -Steve Furtick

This past Sunday my family and I attended Expatica’s tenth annual “I am Not a Tourist Fair” in Amsterdam. We were also there to accept my first ever blogging award (2nd place!). Part of it, of course, entailed me having to go up the stage and read an excerpt from my blog post. Those who know me personally know that I suffer from stage fright. There’s a reason after all why I love writing rather than public speaking.

Nonetheless, I was grateful for the experience of getting out of my comfort zone. I see it as an opportunity for growth. What I loved most was actually meeting the other two contestants, Jess from Aesthetic Fauna (1st place) and Stew from Invading Holland (3rd place). I was also able to quickly say hello to Renée from Profesional Parents Network,   Olga from European Mama and Ute from Expat Since Birth. Writing can be a lonely experience and I naturally gravitate towards other kindred spirits who hold a special place for blogging (writing) in their lives.

I also loved seeing my husband, my partner-in-crime, looking at me while I was on stage with so much love and adoration. It was such a craptastic week.  Six consecutive days of 16 hour work days- him chasing entrepreneurial success and me being a stay-at-home mom to our highly spirited 18 month old toddler. Our life as a young expat family is physically taxing, mentally draining and emotionally exhausting.  It’s part of the bargain we both signed up for raising our son in a foreign country with no family support. We glanced at each other from across the room and exhale -we survived and despite all the challenges, little disappoints and heartaches, we smiled counting our blessings like stars in the sky.

Second place never felt so good. It was an honest, yet surreal place to be with a blog that’s only two months old. For those who voted for my blog, thank-you. It felt like a warm hug from a dear old friend welcoming me home to the world of writing. While I am beyond the point of being tired (exhausted to be more accurate) and I have a perpetual eye-twitch due to severe sleep deprivation, I love how blogging has made me feel more connected to the outside world. I hope you continue to find my blog as a place of camaraderie and re-assurance.

Here’s to Finding Dutchland, where ever you may be.

Houten Fall 2013

P.S.  My blog is only a snapshot of my life, a fleeting momentary glimpse of my Dutched reality. Stay connected with me on Facebook if you want a closer look of my life. Guaranteed additional insight that you won’t get here.

 

P.P.S. If you like being distracted and would love irreverant, random tweets, come follow me on Twitter.

 

Halloween 2013 Expat Style

31 October 2013
By

Happy Halloween everyone!

Unfortunately, Halloween isn’t officially celebrated in the Netherlands. Rumor has it that the American holiday is slowly, but surely becoming more popular. However, the idea of door-to-door trick or treating may take more time for the Dutchies to catch on. There is, however, the holiday tradition of Saint Martin (November 11), a very similar holiday in which kids go around in the neighborhood, carry lanterns around and sing songs in exchange for some sweets.

What is an American expat mommy to do? Throw a pot-luck Halloween Part of course! We threw the party last Saturday for convenience’s sake. My friends were all excited to have their little ones dress up and of course,  in true Indonesian, Filipino, and American form, have a great excuse to get together and party. The weather gods were kind to us and it was a beautiful Fall day filled with lots of sunshine, laughter,  and love.

savory foodsSnapshots from top to bottom, left to right! Filipino lumpia, savory biscuits, jasmine rice, rendang, opor ayam, atchar, emping, and atchar.

sweetsSnapshots from top to bottom, left to right: Mango cupcakes, lychee pudding, ube cake, spanish breads, sugar cookies, and chocolate cupcakes.

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6 Fun Trivia about Utrecht, One of the Happiest Places in the World

31 October 2013
By

I can’t help but wonder if the universe is trying to tell me something. I not only live in one of the happiest countries in the world, surrounded by the happiest kids in the world, but the city I used to live in, Utrecht, was recently proclaimed as one of the happiest places in the world according to BBC Travel.

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However, BBC Travel isn’t the first one to sing praises of Utrecht. The Lonely Planet listed Utrecht as part of the world’s 10 Unsung Places, describing it as charming city off the beaten track despite its wondrous charms. Even New York Times, enamored by the vibrant Dutch city of Utrecht, describes it as a dutch town that nurtures its quirks.

I must confess that my love for Utrecht did not come naturally. I’m a San Francisco-Berkeley girl, and it took quite a while for this provincial Dutch city to charm me over.  My heart always flirted with the more glamorous, world renowned, international Amsterdam. I knew there was some sort of wonderful party going on, but like a deaf girl at a disco, I couldn’t hear the amazing music. 6 years of having lived in the heart of the city center, I’ve gained some privileged insight as to why Utrecht is arguably the most beloved city in the Netherlands.

Here are six fun trivia about Utrecht, one of the happiest places in the world:

1. Utrecht embodies genuine “gezelligheid“. 

Gezelligheid is one of those untranslatable words – it embodies cosiness, quaint, pleasant atmosphere, general togetherness, the feeling you get when you see a good friend after a long absence, the peace of spending quality time with loved ones. Gezelligheid, some would argue, is what is at the very core of Dutch culture. It’s not hard to let nostalgia take a hold of your senses when you’re walking around the beautifully preserved medieval streets.

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2. Utrecht is as authentic Dutch as you can get.

Although more and more tourists are braving this obscure town, the streets of Utrecht remains quintessentially inhabited and occupied by the Dutch. There are plenty of times when you would be hard pressed to find a tourist.  And unlike Amsterdam which is much more accommodating to English speakers, Dutch is the preferred lingua franca of Utrecht.  However, for non-Dutch speaking people interested in giving the city a visit, never fear.  Chances are you will run into a proud Dutchie who would love to show off his or her English speaking skills with you.

3.Utrecht embraces art with reverence to the past, passion for the present and a special nod to the future.

Utrecht’s historical and cultural legacy boasts the largest density of treasures in the Netherlands with over 9 museums and a plethora of historical monuments. It a thriving city where “new ideas are taking shape in old buildings resting on ancient foundations.” Utrecht is home to Netherlands’ beloved children’s author Dick Bruna, offers Cultural Sundays,  and even has a living poem etched in stone.

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4. Utrecht is the center of Utrecht province, the most competitive region in the entire European Union.

While this trivia is quite surprising given other European powerhouses such as London and Berlin, Utrecht Dutchies can give themselves a pat in the back for doing something right. The ranking of 73 European regions was based on evaluations of the area’s institutions, infrastructure, macro-economic stability, health and school education. Money makes the world go round and Utrecht province has figured out a way to keep it going. The full report can be read here.

5.Utrecht is home to Utrecht University, the largest university in the Netherlands.

There’s no doubt that the creative and entrepreneurial spirit endemic to academia (Utrecht University) filters over to the city of Utrecht. Students, professors, researchers, and their families from all over the world bring a microcosm of the world right at Utrecht’s doorstep. The energy of college age kids also makes Utrecht city center one of the best places to party starting from Thursday evening.

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6. At the very heart of Utrecht is the Domtoren, the tallest church tower in the entire country.

It’s not too hard to catch a glimpse of the 112m high Domtoren when walking around the center of Utrecht. After taking almost 300 years to complete, the cathedral (Dom) and its tower was completed in the 14th century. An infamous hurricane-like storm in 1674 blew down the cathedral’s main nave, forever separating the tower and the cathedral. The Domtoren, an enduring symbol of Utrecht, resonates tenacity against all odds, an undefeatable spirit and sincere love for the people who call it home.

Correction: A reader kindly informed me that the Dom tower is the highest climbable tower in the Netherlands. The tallest tower in the Low Countries is the Gebrandy Tower.

 

Bonus 7

My husband and son were both born in Utrecht. That is reason enough to make Utrecht one of the happiest places in the world.

Important Insider Tip when Visiting Utrecht

If you’re not a fan of hoards of endless crowds, do not visit Utrecht on a Saturday. Being the most loved city in the entire Netherlands, it’s no wonder that the Dutchies would flock to it on their day off!

 

P.S. Want to read one more article? Check out my most recent post called “How To Piss Off The Dutch“, or more accurately,  “How Not To Make Friends With the Dutch and Alienate Dutch People”.

P.P.S. Want to waste more time? Come join me on my Facebook page to get regular updates of my adventures in the Low Countries and random but guaranteed interesting (parenting) articles circulating around the web.

Declaration of Human Rights

22 October 2013
By

As a mommy whose heart is set on raising a good man, my heart was absolutely thrilled to stumble upon Zen Pencil’s simplified version of the United Nation’s Universal Declaration of Human Rights. The original wording of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights ratified in 1948 can be found here. Although my son is a bit too young (18 months old) to teach him these ideas, I can always save it for the future. 2013-10-16-humanrightsfinal 2

Written permission (email) was acquired to republish this awesome and informative Declaration of Human Rights. Original image by Zen Pencils. Check out Zen Pencil’s Facebook Page too.

 

Monday Musings

21 October 2013
By

Hello everyone! How was everyone’s weekend?

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This weekend we did a bit of a “Fall cleaning”. There’s something about the crisp, Autumn air that inspires my husband and I to “step-up”, both in terms of our own personal ambitions but also with fostering and nurturing our family.

I love alternating between busy scheduled weekends with more down-to-earth, relaxed ones that allow us to just stay home, relax and finally get around to chores such as mowing the lawn, cleaning up the garage and organizing the side-kitchen (bijkeuken).  For the most part, my husband and I are still playing “house”, learning the ins and outs of what grownup living is all about.

 

I was also able dedicate an entire day working on my blog – relatively uninterrupted ME time and the satisfaction of being alone with my thoughts. I started blogging because I needed to find a room of my own – a place where I can develop my writing skills, to utilize the remaining brain cells I had left after self-diagnosing myself with mommy brain and to not feel completely and utterly socially isolated. I appreciated the time to really think about my blog, my aspirations for it and what direction I want to be headed in. Suffice to say,  finding the time and energy to write is an everyday challenge , but I have fallen in love with it.

 

Thanks to your comments, likes, personal messages, and tweets, I no longer feel so alone any more in the Low Countries. Thank-you.

 

I’m also “competing” in my first ever blogging competition (Expatica’s “I Am Not A Tourist” blogging competition). If you like what you’re reading and would like to give me some support, please vote for me here:

 

To get your week started, here are some interesting and helpful links:

TED Talks are lying to you.

I don’t have a daughter, but if I did, I would want to raise her this way.

Serious about learning a foreign language (like Dutch)?

Tips for living in small spaces – useful for living in the Netherlands.

There’s nothing like a good book and a cup of tea at the end of a long day. Learn to make the perfect tea.

And pictures are worth a thousand words. Useful insight on how to take better photos.

Actually useful unsolicited mothering advice.

5 profound insights on success from a Wharton Prof devoted to understanding it.

 

5 Impressions of the Dutch Educational System

18 October 2013
By

 

 

When I wrote “The 8 Secrets of Dutch Kids, the Happiest Kids in the World“, I received quite a few disgruntled complaints, especially in regards to my 4th secret -“Dutch kids feel no pressure to excel in school and have very little stress. They have no homework or have very little and thus have plenty of time to play after school.”

Since my time is actually very scarce (I am an expat mom with absolutely no family help, a workaholic husband and a precocious toddler), I decided to dedicate a blog post directly addressing the comments about the Dutch educational system.

I’m convinced that part of the underlying reason for the resounding happiness of Dutch kids is because they are in a relatively, stress free educational environment that emphasizes learning and here are my five reasons why:

 

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1. Dutch researchers reiterate the stance that pressure on academic performance is not as high as compared to the rest of the world.

Utrecht University, the Trimbos Institute and the Netherlands Institute for Social Research participated in a comprehensive study where  200,000 children aged 11, 13 and 15 from 39 different countries were surveyed. The children were asked how happy and healthy the children felt, their relationships with their parents and friends and their overall school experience.

According to Professor Wilma Vollebergh of Utrecht University, “The Netherlands has a social culture, with open and safe relationships between parents and their children, and the same applies to the relationships that children have with each other. The pressure to perform is also not as high here.”

I’m trusting that the Dutch kids surveyed were honest about their answers and that these Dutch researchers know a thing, or two about the Dutch educational system. Wouldn’t you?

 

2.  For the most part, Dutch students under the age of 10, receive very little or almost no homework.

Some newspapers circulating around actually state that abslutely no homework given to school children under the age of ten. The amount of homework depends upon the discretion of the local schools, but overall, Dutch teachers and parents recognize the importance of play after school is more important than hitting the books. Students start receiving homework at the end of their primary school year but definitely not in the same quantity as those in the United States.  Who really benefits from homework anyway?

 

 

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3. Dutch students are tested for their relative intelligence, but the advice given is not binding.

At the end of the their 8th year of school, usually around age 12, Dutch children must take a CITO test designed to evaluate their overall “intelligence“. While there might be some moderate levels of stress, overall, Dutch students take it with stride. Here is what is crucial to understand–the results of the CITO test are suggestion only.

According to the Dutch government’s official stance, “primary schools advise each child and their parents the most appropriate type of secondary education, based on the CITO test score, the child’s performance in previous years and his/her personal interests.” An important caveat is-“The advice is not binding.”

The parents and child are ultimately the ones who decide which best educational track the child would be happiest in. For a more detailed, official explanation of the Dutch educational system, please refer to the official Dutch Education website.

 

4. Dutch high school students do not face the same high anxiety stress levels as students from the rest of the world ( such as the United States, Singapore, China, and Korea to name a few).

When a group of VWO Dutch students were shown a video called Race to No Where depicting the streotypical American high school experience, they unanimously agreed that they did not experience anything even remotely similar to what they saw in the video.

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5. There is a general acceptance of mediocrity among Dutch parents and kids.

In the same Volkskrant article, one pre-university VWO student, which supposedly means that she is part of the intellectual elite, stated:

“I’m a six out of ten person”, Alicia says. “I do lots of things outside school like dancing and hockey. I could work harder for higher marks but I don’t want to.”

The relatively relaxed environment can (being the operative word, not always) also extend to places of higher education. According to the University of Twente, international students are given the impression that:

“Competition hardly plays a role in Dutch educational culture: students are seldom graded against each other. The teacher sets a minimum score and passes all students that meet this criterion. Dutch students are usually not very interested how they rank in class; they are mainly concerned with passing the course. Students striving to be the best will not talk about it as it is not done in the Netherlands to be too competitive or work too hard

You can still become very successful regardless of how well you do in school, or what level of schooling you’ve accomplished. Supposedly more is being done in parliament to change this attitude. The Volkskrant cautions this movement as being spearheaded by “a significant number of ministers who only got nines by holding their report cards upside down.”

 

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Bonus Number 6: If you actually graduate from a pre-university VWO program, you can apply directly to medical school. High school students who graduate with an 8 get automatic admission into a 6 year medical school program. Those who scored lower can join a weighted lottery to get into medical school. And they can keep reapplying to the medical school lottery up to a certain number of times. How lucky is that?

 

In all fairness, Dutch students may still face moderate levels of stress. However, it is important to keep in mind (assuming that I am writing to a world audience), that the “stress” Dutch students encounter is definitely not the same degree as to those students in much more competitive environments, particularly their Asian counterparts. There are also many Dutch families who place a lot of importance on the academic performance of their children. In fact, times are changing and there might be a social revolution that would end the cultural emphasis on being mediocre, the infamous zesjescultuure.

Most importantly, the current and future happiness of Dutch children is not inextricably linked to what level schooling they are placed under, nor does it really determine their future earning potential. Actually, being born Dutch pretty much guarantees you a decent life (but that’s a whole other blog post all together-please come back to read that one!).

Perhaps the rest of the world can learn a bit more about this obscure Nothern European country that consistently ranks time and time again as having the happiest kids in the world.

What’s it like in other countries? Do they also experience a similar institutional educational system where there is less stress?