Author Archives: Rina Mae Acosta

7 Secrets to Making Friends with Dutch Women

4 October 2013
By

 

Disclaimer: Written with a partial knipoog (wink)

 

Ahh, Dutch women. We all know that Dutch women don’t get depressed. They also have the happiest kids in the world. Who wouldn’t want to be friends with these tall gorgeous happy blonde beauties with flawless biking skills?

A common complaint among fellow expats is how difficult it is for them to actually make friends with Dutch people. Expat forums are filled with questions and concerns on just how to infiltrate the local Dutch circles. Sometimes expat women spend their entire stay in the Netherlands not having any real Dutch female friends.

Being a seasoned expat for the past 6 years now, I’ve gained some valuable insight on how to establish real, genuine friendships with these wonderful women. I’ve also learned a thing ( or two or more) actually about how not to make friends with them. Some of the mistakes I made are long-lasting and quite irreparable.

However, pure luck and a lot of practice has allowed me to forge genuine friendships with these wonderful women. They’ve welcomed me into their country, their homes and into their hearts. My Dutch girl friends even flew all the way to my wedding in San Francisco to celebrate my special day. An invitation to a Dutch bachelorette party and a wedding invitation that includes dinner are signs of a true friendship with a Dutchie.

I’d love to impart my wisdom on other fellow expats on how to make Dutch female friends. I guarantee that it will make your stay in the Netherlands no matter how short, or long a worthwhile experience.

Here are my 7 fool-proof (Dutch approved) tips on making Dutch female friends:

dutch women(We were in Ghent celebrating a friend’s bachelorette party. It also coincided with Ghent Day and we had to pretend that we were Belgians. Dutchies were historically not welcomed on that special day.)

1. Doe maar gewoon, hoor!
Just be “normal“. Being cool, calm, and collected goes a long way with making a good first impression among Dutch women. American enthusiasm should be casually put away until you become better friends.

2. Learn the Dutch language
We’re in their country and no matter how obscure Dutch is, making a concerted effort to learn the lingua franca of the Netherlands demonstrates your seriousness of acclimating to the country. You can always make the excuse that everyone speaks English so why bother. However, making an effort to learn their language will be considered endearing and thoughtful to a potential new Dutch friend.

Dutch can be a challenging language to learn, especially since the Dutch are notorious for switching to English to speed up the flow of the conversation, or to practice/show-off their English skills. Be stern. Throw in the words gezellig and lekker for good measure.

3. Develop Ninja Agenda Skills
If a potential new Dutch friend suggests to meet up for coffee, lunch or dinner date, pretend that you are busy for the next month or so. This will give you coolness points. Having an impeccable, precisely planned out life is a character trait that many Dutch women pride themselves in. Look at your calendar, and pick a date that is four weeks away.

Insider tip:  Once you’re “in”, randomly calling on Thursday afternoon to meet up for last minute drinks and or/dinner can give you “gezellig” points. Some will welcome the spontaneity as a breath of fresh air.

dutch women

 4. Patience
We all know Rome wasn’t built in a day. Neither is a true genuine friendship with a Dutchie. Give them time to warm up to you and get to know you. It could take months, or even years. However, once you make a Dutch friend, you’ve more than likely made a friend for life.

Insider tip: The Dutch often are part of various circles of friends. If you can somehow crack the sanctity of the inner circle and one of them vouches for you, you are sure to have at least 10 new Dutch friends. This often happens if you fall in love with a wonderful Dutch guy who happens to also have like-minded lovely Dutch female friends.

5. Do Not Over-Share in the Beginning
American women beware. Our idea of keeping it real by divulging in our innermost secrets and insecurities upon feeling a “connection” with a potential Dutch friend can cause her to run to the nearest polder. Your “openness” may be construed as not having the ability to keep secrets. It may also freak her out by being so candid about your feelings. I learned this the hard way.

dutch women

6. Do Not Complain About The Netherlands, the Dutch Culture or the People.
A common trait of the Dutch is that they are a very vocal lot with very strong opinions that can be considered as “complaining”. You’ll get the seemingly harmless question, “What do you think of this country?”.

Let them do the complaining, politely nod your head and smile. Do not fall victim to their self-deprecating humor about their own country and their country(wo)men. If you are an expat experiencing culture shock, reconsider your readiness with making friends with the locals. I have a sneaking suspicion that it may not end well.

7. Do Not Drop by Unannounced (especially during dinner time)
It is considered quite rude to show up to a Dutch friend’s home unannounced. Unexpected visitors during dinner time may find themselves either being sent away, or made to sit in the living room while dinner is being eaten. The Dutch usually do not embrace spontaneity, especially from someone new in their routine-filled lives. Also, keep in mind that since everything is pretty much carefully planned out, such as the exact grams of meat per person, there is a high probability that there wouldn’t be any food to share anyway. Try not to take it too personally!

 

Thrown in For Good Measure: “Insider tip” from a friendly random Dutch woman I met at Kurz hair salon:
If you have your heart set on making friends with real Dutch women, go for the home-run and wear three quarter white leggings. Extra bonus points if you wear it with brown boots.

 

(photos courtesy of Ruth Uitewaal)

 

P.S. Want to waste more time on the internet? Check out Postpartum Care and What We Can Learn from the Dutch.

Meet The Blogger Amsterdam-SF Girl By Bay

2 October 2013
By

meetthebloggeramsterdam(image taken with my iPhone)

 

Attending the Meet the Blogger Amsterdam conference was like getting “baptized” into the world of blogging from the perspective of interior, design and lifestyle bloggers. There’s something magical that happens when you surround yourself with creative types. There’s also a bit of comedic play happening when you find yourself in unfamiliar territory, naked and exposed. Raw.

 

I went to the conference with my heart on my sleeve, feeling like “the little blogger that could”. I was eager to learn more about photography, be inspired and make genuine connections with other bloggers. I also came to listen to Victoria Smith, SF Girl By Bay, one of my favorite bloggers of all time. I wanted to listen to her story.

 

She shared words of wisdom with all of us, each blogger attentively listening to her, each one with her (or his) own unique dreams, aspirations, goals and insecurities.

 

While she spoke and I hungrily ate up her words, I finally understood why Victoria Smith has such a devoted cult following. Aside from being a creative genius, she’s a teacher. Artistic souls gravitate to her and she harnesses that energy for the whole world to delight in, a true celebration of life.

 

(image taken with my iPhone)

“Be a social media butterfly.” Victoria Smith, SF Girl by Bay

 

Here are inspirational soundbites from Victoria Smith:

 

What do you want to share with your readers? What is special about your brand?

You gravitate towards people that share a common goal.

The more you are authentic and genuine, like minded people will find you. If you are not true to yourself, it is not going to feel authentic. If it is not going to feel authentic, people will feel that it’s disingenuous. Just be yourself. If it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work.

Share a personal story. It doesn’t mean spilling your guts.

Visually share your influences, skills and inspiration.

Become part of the blogging community.

Be a social media butterfly.

You make your own luck.

 

 

Victoria Smith set the stage for all of us to be more open to each other, to find other kindred spirits with similar aspirations as well as the eagerness to branch out of our comfort zone and see what we could offer each other.

 

I left the conference exhausted, but grateful to have met other bloggers, to commiserate over shared experiences and to gain a renewed sense of purpose. I’m an aspiring writer/blogger trying to find my voice. I’m the expat-mommy blogger that could. Thank-you for joining me on this journey of self-discovery.

Monday Nightcap

30 September 2013
By

 IMG_1157(Junior on Saturday in front of his favorite book store in Utrecht, NL)

Today I went to my first blogging conference ever –Meet the Blogger Amsterdam.  One of the key-note speakers was non-other than Victoria Smith of SF Girl by Bay . 

I also got to listen to Tricia Guild (Designers Guild) who sets design trends and was definitely mesmerized by her voice, her style and her presence. No wonder interior designers complete adore her!

I have to confess that I was a bit apprehensive and anxious, mixed in with a healthy dose of excited. Coming into the conference, I felt like “the little blogger that could” amidst a crowd of quite impressive and established blogs. Nonetheless, I was there to learn, be inspired and hopefully made genuine connections. We all have to start somewhere right?

I ended up making new blogger friends and cannot wait to share more of what I learned. I’m still processing everything that happened today and it has inspired me to really listen to what speaks to my heart and to focus on what I want my blog to be all about.

Here are the links to the blogs of bloggers whom I’ve met and connected with today that made me smile and laugh:

Traveling Mama (Tina Fussel was also an inspirational speaker!)

The New Diplomats Wife

Urban Moms

 

To close off with quite an unforgettable Monday and thus hopefully a great week ahead, here are some things from last week that made pause for a moment, think and say “aha”:

16 Year Old Malala Yousafzai honored as Harvard’s Humanitarian of the Year.

Uncertainty Is A Signpost of Possibility.

On the matter of Halloween five weeks away-I love seeing little girls in princess costumes, but there’s something quite empowering seeing girls in non-princess costumes. Food for thought.

Astute observations about American culture from non other than America’s former Disney Sweetheart turned Girl Gone Wild Miley Cyrus .

Practicing gratitude daily by making mental lists in my head has made me happier. It’s also a great way to get over our first world problems.

20 Things I Will Not Regret Doing With My Kids

Xoxo

Rina Mae

p.s. Tomorrow I am headed for day two of Meet the Blogger Amsterdam.

Secret to Happiness in the Netherlands As an Expat

25 September 2013
By

“Do you really need to be here?” He asks, knowing all too well that my presence will distract our 17 month old toddler from the morning goal: to eat a bowl of oatmeal with blueberries. He scoops up some oatmeal dribbling from our son’s mouth. Our son gives me a big grin, and I get up from the table and head over to the kitchen before chaos ensues.

Cradling the coffee in my hands, I can’t help but stare at the two and smile.  While our son cheerily picks out blueberries from his bowl full of mush, my husband looks a bit annoyed. Mornings are a sacred time for him and our son, the fleeting time he has before work demands all of his attention. He may not get his Papa day, but he will get his quality time every morning. Mornings are his time with his son.

Mornings for me are to sleep in and when I wake up, a time for me to collect my thoughts. Amidst all my happiness, I’m also cognisant that life is a series of choices. And when I choose one path, I closed the door to another. There’s only so much sweetness that we can really taste –there’s also the bitter when it comes to missed chances, lost opportunities, and failed attempts.

When I pursued love instead of medical school, I also opened a floodgate of disapproval and rumors spiraled out of control. Bless my parents’ hearts for bearing the brunt of it among their status conscious peers and equally status conscious offspring. Walls have ears you know. But in-between the juicy gossip, please remember that people have feelings too.

For the official record-I never failed out of medical school. I simply never applied. I followed my soul-mate instead. I certainly made God laugh with my aspirations of medicine. What is in store for my future is between me and the good Lord above, and no one else to judge, ridicule, criticize and mock.

I now know that when my husband and I made the decision to raise our family here, our son would grow up without the loving, regular support of grandparents. We are to raise this child alone and if we wanted to see relatives, it would be on an appointment basis only, made at least 4 – 6 weeks in advance. There would be no built in childcare support network.

I’ll never be a doctor, a leading Health Economic consultant, or earn a PhD to be a Public Health professor.

I’ll never backpack to Macu Picchu without a care in the world, learn how to scuba dive, or sing on pitch.

I may never get to be a true Amsterdam Mama because the city is just simply beyond our affordability as a single-income household.

For the time being, I’ll be resigned to living the majority of the year with dark clouds and the constant threat of rain.

I’m aware of all of this and more.

However, while I’m living the oh-so-glamorous expat life in the Netherlands, I know that happiness is just right in front of me. Happiness really is a choice. Depression, a serious medical condition, is not.

I have a beautiful healthy, absolutely brilliant baby boy and an incredible and gorgeous modern day husband.

We have the most amazing, supportive, inspiring, wonderful set of friends and acquaintances that the universe has kindly bestowed upon us. These will be the “aunts, uncles, and cousins” that my son will grow up with.

I have a roof over my head, clothes on my back, more than enough food in the fridge, and clean water to drink.

We have universal health insurance and the privilege of staying at home with my son.

I desperately want to freeze time, to hold this perfect beautiful Wednesday morning and commit it to memory. Fresh tears start pouring down my face because I know that the life I have right now, the one with the charming, highly spirited toddler, is not going to last forever.

And then, as I wipe away those tears, I practice what I argue is the best kept secret for finding happiness in the Netherlands.

Gratitude.

Try it today. I promise it can make you happier. Here’s a video from Soulpancake just in case you still don’t believe me.

Monday Morning Coffee

23 September 2013
By

Hello everyone! Thank-you so much for visiting my blog! From what I gather, I’ve been making a bit of a stir among the Dutchies and the expats with my recent post about why Dutch kids are happy.

An an undercover introvert, I must confess that I’m both grateful for all the attention and feeling a bit overwhelmed. I apologize in advance for not responding to emails and messages and hopefully will get back to all of you soon. Nonetheless, I am really grateful that you guys took the time out to read what I have to write, reach out to me and I hope you continue coming by.

After a fun-filled, amazing time with our dearest friends, albeit over-scheduled weekend, my family and I are looking forward to a relatively quiet week. I have a sneaking suspicion that my temperamental toddler had enough of play-dates, impromptu dinners, and birthday parties. Perhaps his twenty minute inconsolable, tantrum this morning was a sign of no more missed naps.

 

photo(3)(Monday morning art theraphy to start the week)

Every Monday, I’m going to start sharing articles that I found worth reading. I’ve realized that although we’re inundated with so much information thanks to the world wide web, there are still tons of really helpful and “aha” articles worth re-posting. It’s just a matter of trying to organize and sort through all the information that’s a challenge (at least for me!) Perhaps doing a post once a week (Monday) can help.

And since happiness is contagious, I will try to start every Monday with articles that have made me smile, laugh, inspired and feel more connected to the world. So let’s start off with my favorites from last week:

What all parents really need to know.

Clever idea-  Forget Samsung and Apple. This is the future.

Where honesty will take you.

The 21 Habits of Supremely Happy People.

Lola’s Sint.

An Ode to Whole Foods.

Poignant read for any parent. Have some tissues ready.

 

Hope everyone has a good start on this first official Fall Monday!

The 8 Secrets of Dutch Kids, the Happiest Kids in the World

19 September 2013
By

According to Unicef’s most recent Child Well Being in Rich Countries survey, Dutch kids ranked as the happiest kids in the world. Dutch kids led the way in three out of the five categories, namely- material well being, educational well being, and behavior and risks.

happiest kids in the world

Unicef Germany isn’t the first research organization to come to this conclusion. Surveys conducted by Britain’s Child Poverty Action Group, the World Health Organization, and Unicef International have all reached unanimous conclusions as to the happy state of Dutch children.

Why exactly are Dutch kids the happiest in the world? As a seasoned expat mom living in stereotypical Dutch suburbia, it isn’t too hard for me to indulge in 8 secrets as to why I think Dutch kids are the happiest kids in the world.

 

1. Their Dutch parents are among the happiest people in the world.

It shouldn’t be surprising that the happiest kids in the world also have parents who are also among the happiest people in the world. According to  United Nation’s first World Happiness Report just released last week, the Netherlands ranks fourth as the happiest nation on earth. Happiness, measured as an indicator for social progress, was taken quite seriously. It’s definitely a no brainer that in general, happy parents equal happy kids.

 

2.  Their Dutch moms are genuinely happy.

happiest kids in the world

 

Dutch psychologist and journalist Ellen de Bruin has written a book titled “Dutch Women Don’t Get Depressed” illustrating the phenomenon. According to Ellen de Bruin, “Personal choice is key: in the Netherlands people are free to choose their life partners, their religion, their sexuality, we are free to use soft drugs here, we can pretty much say anything we like. The Netherlands is a very free country.”

Unlike their American counterparts and the rest of women in the world, glamour, hospitality and charm do not rank high in a Dutch woman’s priority list. De Bruin makes several sweeping generalizations about Dutch women, namely that Dutch women don’t know how to dress (mainly due to choosing practicality when biking everywhere), will send someone away if they arrive unexpectedly during dinner time, and are quite bossy to their men.

Perhaps a main factor why Dutch women are so happy is that they’ve found the perfect work-life balance. Dutch mommies are leading the way with the largest share of women working part time of all OECD countries, with 68% of Dutch women working only part time, roughly 25 hours a week.

In journalist Lisa Belkin’s Huffington Post article “What Mothers Really Want: To Opt Inbetween (Infographic)“, an overwhelming majority of moms would actually like to work part-time as an ideal balance between home and work.  According to Belkin, Hulafrog’s survey of 2,127 U.S. women with children at home under the age of 18 concluded that 65 percent would work part-time, only 9 percent would work full-time and 26 percent would stay home.

 

3. Their Dutch Dads play a more equal role in child-rearing by also having part-time jobs and being more hands on.

happiest kids in the world

A New York Times article “Working (Part-Time) in the 21st Century” highlights the Dutch culture of part-time work. By 1996 the Dutch government gave part-time employees equal status to that of full timers, paving the way for a more balanced work-life reality for its citizens. Like their female counterparts, more and more Dutch dads are squeezing in a full-time job in just four days and dedicating one day a week with their kids. “Papa dag” (Daddy day) has become not only part of the Dutch vocabulary, but becoming more of a standard norm as one in three men are also opting for part-time work. Dutch dads take their parenting seriously, playing a more balanced role in parenting.

 

4. Dutch kids feel no pressure to excel in school and have very little stress. They have no homework or have very little and thus have plenty of time to play after school.

Dutch elementary students under the age of ten usually do not have any homework and are simply encouraged to enjoy learning.Upon completion of primary school at the age of 12, Dutch pupils take a multiple choice CITO test which determines their relative intelligence level and heavily influences what corresponding high school they could attend.

Thus, Dutch high school students also do not face the notorious pressure of taking the SATs or ACTs or ever attaining academic excellence. There is, for the most part, no formal competitive university application process.

This happy relaxed attitude towards school for Dutch kids really hits home for me. I can still vividly recall the external and internal pressure to get into the “right college” from the moment I stepped into my first Freshman class in high school. To think that my son can simply attend school just for the sake of learning rather than focusing on his actual academic performance boggles my mind.

 

5. They can eat chocolate sprinkles, or slices of chocolate with butter on their white bread for breakfast. Every single morning. No kidding.

happiest kids in the world

I was actually tickled when the United Nation’s assessed that the Dutch kids ate healthy breakfasts.
A traditional Dutch breakfast, whether you are a child or an adult, actually often consists of a piece of white bread, butter and chocolate sprinkles. Their Dutch lunch, which often includes a variation of a slice of bread with a piece of cheese, or a thin slice of ham, doesn’t seem to be too much healthier either.

On a serious note, Unicef concluded that Dutch children and teens reported eating breakfast with their family on a regular basis. In no other country do children have breakfast with their families as regularly as they do in the Netherlands. Not only is eating breakfast associated with better performance in school and decreased behavioral problems, but eating breakfast daily as a family creates opportune time for family bonding and fostering individual identity and growth.

 

6. They have a right to express their own opinions.

Dutch children are the type that are both seen AND heard. From the moment they can formulate an opinion, Dutch children are given a voice and Dutch parents intently listen.

 

7. They have Oma day!

If you ever find yourself at the playground on a weekday, chances are you’re also going to run into a Dutch Oma (grandmother) with her grandchildren. A lot of Dutch grandmothers take great pride in helping out their children, playing a pivotal role in their grandchildrens lives. By having regular, once a week childcare services from Oma, moms and dads can better attain their life-work balance. Having Oma around is great for a child’s self-esteem.

 

8. The Dutch government gives families money every month to help with expenses.

We all know that raising children can be very expensive. According to USDA,  a child born in 2012 to age 18 will cost parents approximately $241,080. That’s a whole lot of money.

Despite the looming economic crisis and various cuts in subsidies on this side of the pond, Dutch families will still continue to get money from the Dutch government. Specifically, Dutch families will continue to receive a child allowance,  a child benefit stipend (an income-dependent allowance for the cost of children), the combination discount (a fiscal break for combining work and caring for children) and the childcare allowance. I don’t know about you, but I’m not one to complain if I’m given money to raise my child.

 

Obviously, our current reality doesn’t fit the Dutch model for a stereotypical family setup. My husband is an entrepreneur with no option for working part-time and I am a stay-at-home mom. We are, however, also quite happy because we’re living the life that we want to live. Living in the Netherlands has afforded us the luxury to live this more traditional model. And despite how exhausting it is for me to be chasing around my precocious toddler son all day long, I thank God everyday for having the opportunity to do so. Here’s to finding happiness in Dutchland!

 

P.S. Like the photos that you see you? Than you’ll probably enjoy my Instagram or come connect with me with me at my Facebook page. We’re a friendly bunch. I promise.

 

P.P.S. Care to learn about another secret of Dutch kids? Check out Postpartum Care and What We Can Learn from the Dutch

7 Reasons for Expat Families To Hire an Au Pair

16 September 2013
By
“I am in a season of my life right now where I feel bone tired almost all of the time. Ragged, how-am-I-going-to-make-it-to-the-end-of-the-day, eyes burning exhausted.” Steve Wiens

aupair
Everyone knows that it takes a village to raise a child. What about those families who aren’t part of a village? Who lack a strong social support network of relatives and friends willing to graciously babysit on a regular basis? My husband and I are one of those families. Our village is very small – it consists of only me, my husband and our 17 month old toddler son. This reality if often the case for many expat families.

What is an expat family to do? Many expat families i(and Dutch families too) n the Netherlands choose to hire an au pair. An au pair,  a French term meaning “at par or equal to“, is a young foreigner who provides live-in child care as part of a cultural exchange program. As glamorous as hiring an au pair sounds, our primary motivation is actually down-to-earth: we really need help.

Having an au pair is not for every expat family. Not only does it require an extra spare bedroom (a rare commodity in the Netherlands), it also means having to open your home and heart to a stranger from another culture for an entire year. When you hire an au pair, you are inviting someone to be a member of your own family.

Now that we’re 17 months into parenthood, my husband and I have decided to hire an au pair. We’re quite nervous about it but we’re confident that we’ve made the best decision given our toddler’s temperament and our current circumstances. Here are our  7 reasons for expat families to hire an au pair:

Top 7 Reasons for Expat Families to Hire an Au Pair:  

1. An Extra Pair of Hands at Home (Convenience)
It’s an incredibly convenient to have an extra caregiver living right under your roof. Parents of babies, toddlers and young children know intimately well that life is always full of adventure (sleepless nights, teething, run-of-the-mill colds, clingyness, tantrums, etc). For many first-time parents, simply getting out of the house becomes a 40 minute escapade. Having an au pair at home would help with the everyday challenges and chaos of parenthood. For pregnant moms, especially those in the later stages of pregnancy, or those suffering from morning sickness, having someone play with your toddler can make a world of a difference.

Another definite bonus for having an au pair is that your child stays in the comfort of your own home which can be especially useful during unfavorable weather conditions.

2. Childcare on A Schedule You Set (Flexibility)
In comparison to traditional child care such as crèche (day care), when you have an au pair, you can actually create a schedule that works best for you and your family. Keeping in mind that an au pair can only work 30 hours a week and no more than 8 hours a day, this lends to a lot greater flexibility to accommodate your family’s schedule. There is no added stress of picking up your child on time.

3. Assistance with Household duties
Having an au pair who can help with light household chores would definitely reel in the daily chaos. An au pair can, within reason, do tasks such as daily vacuuming, cleaning up the kitchen, managing the dishwasher (putting dirty dishes in and putting clean dishes and silverware back to the proper places), preparing simple meals, small grocery shopping, and laundry.  Please keep in mind that an au pair is not a substitute for a maid.

4. Opportunity for Cultural Exchange
Having someone from another culture come into your home can broaden your family’s world. It’s a great chance to also share your own values and perspective.

5. Affordability
The financial costs of an au pair are considerably less than other traditional forms of child care such as créche, a nanny and the occasional babysitter. In addition to providing room and board, an au pair receives pocket money of €300-340 a month for 30 hours of help. Other costs to keep in mind are the au pair agency fees,  Entry and Residence Procedure (TEV procedure) costs if the au pair is not an EU/EEA or Swiss citizen, health insurance, €275 euros Dutch language courses or personal development classes.

6. Personalized Attention and Care
While it’s hard to argue that the best care a child can receive is in the loving watch of his/her mother and hands-on father, having an au pair who can give your child her undivided attention can be very beneficial.

7. Time for to nurture yourself and your marriage
While our son is our utmost priority, we believe that it is really important to take care of ourselves and our marriage too. We would love to start going to the gym together again which we haven’t done for the past 17 months. We have only  gone out on dinner dates, just the two of us, less than five times since embarking on this journey towards parenthood.

In the long run, hiring an au pair is probably the best investment you can make for your over-all well being as an expat parent!

Click here for official information about Au Pairs in the Netherlands (IND website)

My Mom is a Foreigner, But Not To Me

12 September 2013
By

 

my-mom-is-foreigner

 

When I learned that Juliane Moore authored a children’s book titled “My Mom is a Foreigner, but Not to Me”, it hit a raw nerve. The book instantly made it to my Christmas Wish List.

I’m a mother to a 17 month old toddler son in a country that I have yet to call home. Ironically, I’m also the child of strangers from a different shore. My mother immigrated to the United States with three year old me and my one and a half little brother to join my Filipino-American father.  We were among the very last to leave the motherland, leaving behind the legacy of a poverty-stricken country and inheriting all the hopes, dreams and ambitions of several generations of my father’s family.

Living in the Netherlands has caused me to have an existential crisis (understatement). I grew up feeling and believing I was (am) American. I was merely a Filipino by convenience, mostly to appease my parents.  Home to me was the San Francisco Bay Area (San Francisco and Berkeley).

I watched countless hours of Sesame Street, The Little Prince, Fragglerock, Duck Tales, Gummy Bears, Punky Brewster, Full House, The Rugrats, Mr. Rogers, Doggie Howser, Family Matters, The Fresh Prince of Bell Air, The Golden Girls, Growing Pains, MacGyver, Boy Meets World, The Wonder Years, and ER. I was practically raised on TV, just like most American kids of my generation. Childhood was littered with memories of dodgeball, hopscotch, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, youth orchestra, and piano lessons.

I also grew up with parents that spoke English with a very heavy Filipino accent. My mother only cooked Filipino foods. Any celebration (birthday party, anniversary, graduation, holiday) came with the prerequisite  bottomless Filipino dishes of lumpia (spring rolls), pancit (noodles), adobo (chicken stew) and leche flan  (custard). I had to call all the adults “auntie” and “uncle” regardless of whether, or not they were actually related to us.

My brothers and I became obnoxious Americanized Filipino kids to the disdain of our ultra conservative, traditional Filipino parents. We were quite good at imitating their accent, of making sweeping generalizations about the Philippines colored by the experiences of our parents, and begged them to wake up to the reality that they were raising their kids in the United States, not in the Philippines. Eventually, my adolescent and adoltestant years gave me the freedom to pick and choose aspects of Filipino culture that appealed to my American sensibilities. I embraced being Filipino-American.

Yet, when I went to join my now-Dutch husband in the Netherlands, I was slapped for the first time with racist overtures and derogatory prejudices. I was ostracized for being different. This was not imagined. My race and subsequent judgements about my race established their perception of me and led to many colorful interactions. My San Francisco bubbled popped.

There were so many instances when I could feel people’s discomfort the moment I open my mouth to speak, their ears betraying what their eyes were showing them. Others would complement just how well I spoke English and sounded like an American. Polite questions of “where do you come from” would be met with my standard reply, followed by the more intrusive question, “where do you really come from”.

Perhaps part of my heightened sensitivity to being a foreign mom in the Netherlands is that my beautiful half-Dutch son is officially categorized by the local Dutch municipality as an Allochtoon. My sweet, sweet boy born in Utrecht with a Dutch father who dearly loves him is labeled as “originating from another country“. Oh Holland, dear Holland, please love him as one of your very own because I promise you he will one day make you very proud.

More than once has my parenting skills, especially because I carried my baby, been described as being reminiscent to African mothers in the bush. I don’t know whether or not they were insulting me, or giving me a genuine compliment.  Remaining optimistic, I guess they were just mesmerized by the fact that my baby rarely cried and possibly in awe of my mothering skills. After all, Dr. Harvey Karp (Happiest Baby on the Block) asserts that in traditional cultures such as those in Africa and in Bali that practiced baby-carrying, colic doesn’t exist. Mental note: “Don’t you worry your pretty little mind; people throw rocks at things that shine …”

Though as challenging as it is being a mother from a different shore, I also love how living in the Netherlands has opened up my world to wonderful people all around the world – Singapore, South Africa, Italy, Australia, India, Indonesia, the Philippines, Pakistan, Portugal, Turkey, Morocco, Greece, Poland, England, Belgium, Germany, Austria, Russia, Latvia, Sweden, Nigeria, and Switzerland. Let’s also not forget about the amazing Dutch who get me and those that don’t really but still open their heart to my foreign ways.

We are still on the fence of truly embracing the quintessential Dutch tradition of Sinterklaas. We rarely ever eat potatoes, a typical component of a Dutch dinner. There is no Apple stroop and Dutch hagelslag (chocolate sprinkles) in our cabinets. Forget about Fristi and Chocomel ever finding its way into our fridge. And my blossoming foodie toddler refuses to eat bread, an essential staple of the standard Dutch breakfast and lunch.

I cannot wait to read “My Mom is a Foreigner, but Not to Me” to my son. And the longer we stay in the Netherlands, the higher the chances of me and him possibly facing cross-cultural battles. But that’s a long way away.

As far as my 17 month old toddler son is concerned, I’m his mommy. I sing to him all the songs I grew up with– namely, You Are My Sunshine, Baby Baluga, Head Shoulders Knees and Toes, The Wheels on the Bus, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and the Itsy Bitsy Spider. I speak to him exclusively in English, my native tongue. He’ll grow up knowing that I’m a proud daughter of California and will always bleed blue and gold. He has warm meals three times a day. I plan to teach him to be mindful of all his blessings, counting them like stars in the sky. At the right moments, I’ll tell him that “I love to watch you play“. And I pray that he will always know and feel that he is  loved.

I hope to teach him mindfulness of others. I want to teach him to really listen to other people’s stories. I want to relish in the wonder that’s reflected in my son’s eyes as he discovers the world  around him. I’m looking forward to re-discovering the Netherlands, one seen from the eyes of a more patient, forgiving and understanding mother.

Thus begins a new chapter in my life – Finding Dutchland.

 

Best Romantic Hotel: Anastasis Apartments, Santorini

10 September 2013
By

As requested by a dear friend of mine for romantic travel destinations, I’m going to share about the unforgettable time I had at the best romantic hotel in the world, Anastasis Apartments, Imerovigli. Perhaps after reading it, he can get some ideas of where to take his lovely wife.

Anyone who’s ever opened a travel magazine (Conde Nast Traveler) sooner, or later will see one of ubiquitous Santorni postcard pictures. It’s basically some sort of variation of Oia, the famous cliff top, mosaic village of white houses and blue domes that boasts the most amazing sunsets in the world.

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(photo taken by me!)

 

Santorini, referred to as Thira in Greek, is an island in the Agean Sea. The island, often attributed to the mythological lost city of Atlantis, is one of Greece’s brightest treasures, epitomizing the ultimate, jet-setters’ vacation. The shining crown of Santorini is the caldera located basically on the west side of the island.

Part of the magic of my unforgettable time at Anastasis Apartments was the actual anticipation of vacationing there.I was in the midst of finishing my master’s thesis and I couldn’t help but indulge in my favorite procrastination pastime – perusing through Trip Advisor’s Traveler’s Choice List. What better way than utilizing real people’s experiences than reading a travel website based on genuine recommendations?

I wanted to reward myself and summer was fast approaching without a holiday booked, or destination in sight. My heart was set a romantic holiday so I went straight to Trip Advisor’s Best Hotels for Romance category (in the world) and Anastasis Apartments was at the very top. I also thought that the time couldn’t be more perfect, coinciding with our impending 1st year anniversary. What better way to spend it than on the ultra romantic island of Santorini?

My Dutch husband, bless his heart, has learned from experience that I often get ahead of myself (I’m an eternal optimist) and casually warned me that perhaps I was a bit too late. If Anastasis was really that fabulous,  renowned for world class service, AND quite affordable (read = less than €500 per night), our chances for a reservation for the summer would be next to none. Rather than wasting time with an email, I decided to call them directly instead.

The worst that could happen would be that my Santorini dreams would be crushed, but at least I tried. I also thought that my charm might just help me. Low and behold, we were able to maneuver a booking via a possible last-minute cancellation.

I really wish I could tell you and show you more about the fascinating anthropological sites on the island, or the dramatic coastline with various red, white and black beaches scattered throughout the island.

Except I really can’t because……

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we barely left the hotel…

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We basically stayed at Anastasis for an entire week, seven nights and eight days. The three times we did venture out it was to make short, but sweet nearby trips to Oia, Fira and Imerovigli, the quintessential touristic stopping grounds of Santorini.

I had a sneaking suspicion that Anastasis Apartments was going to be a nice place to stay. However, I never expected it to be as exceptional as it turned out to be. The moment I arrived at the hotel and stared out into the caldera, I had this strange feeling of…walking on clouds. The utter stillness and immaculateness of the place added to the illusion. It was unbelievably…perfect.

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Anastasis is also a hotel after a true foodie’s heart.

Each morning we woke up to a delightful breakfast of homemade baked breads, croissants, orange juice, Greek yoghurt, hard boiled eggs and fresh fruits.
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Then there were the complimentary snacks at 2:00pm and at around 5:00pm.

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Despina, the owner of the hotel, is one of the most inspirational woman I’ve ever met in my life. She expects nothing but absolute professionalism from her staff. And if perfect was attainable, Despina would have managed to excel in it. Best of all, one can see that everyone that works there is just cheerful. Not only did the really love their jobs, but they also had this talent for making guests feel wonderful.

We were spoiled beyond belief. They’ve managed to excel in the art of providing a lot of privacy while also appearing out of no where. Serious ninja skills my friends. It was at first a bit awkward for me since I’ve grown up being independent and not having things done for me. Let’s just say that it didn’t take long for me to acclimate to the idea of having a pool boy (or three) around.

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Stay tuned for next Tuesday! I am going to post pictures of the places that we visited and the two excursions we managed to squeeze in!

 

Insider Tips

1. Catch a 30 minute flight from Athens International Airport (Elefterios Venizelos Airport) to Santorni.

Unless you are feeling quite adventurous, have plenty of time on your hands and need some excitement in your life, do not take the ferry. I am grateful for this tip my Greek friends willingly shared with me. I’ve read and heard countless horror stories from others who had quite an uncomfortable time. Repeat, DO NOT take the ferry.

You can catch a direct flight to Santorini from Amsteradam on Transavia with services at the start of April and at the end of October.

2. Book early or be very flexible
Booking for the next season starts in the beginning of October. However, if you remain flexible and polite, you may be able to squeeze in.

Warning: If you have your heart set on lying on a sun lounger all day long and comfortably dipping into the infinity pool, you might set yourself up for disappointment if you book in October. It is the start of the Fall season and the winds might not be in your favor.

3. Let Despina and her staff guide you.

Arguably the best travel experiences we’ve had were the ones where locals gave us their advice. Despina and her staff have got it covered. Utilize their tacit knowledge for a guaranteed unforgettable time.

 

 

 

Best European Country to Vacation with Baby – Italy

5 September 2013
By

 

Question: What is the best European country to vacation with a baby?

 

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 Answer: Italy!

If you’re a family with a baby, toddler or young kids flirting with the idea of doing a bit of vacationing, please seriously consider taking a trip to Italy.

Many of us expats have our Mediterranean favorites. Mine has long been Italy the first time I laid my eyes on her six years ago. Italy has ingeniously mastered the art of living la dolce vita, embracing beauty through everyday life, art, culture, music and food. Best of all, Italians are ABSOLUTELY CRAZY about BABIES.

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For our first real vacation as a family there was no question where we would go – Cinque Terre, Liguria. Being new parents, we wanted to have an amazing vacation that was the least stressful as possible, that would leave us feeling rejuvenated and able to really embrace la vita e bella. Why not then head over to a place we knew that would be baby friendly, have amazing food, breathtakingly unforgettable sights, and irresistible charm?

 

Where To Stay: Hotel Villa Steno 

 

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There’s a reason why Hotel Villa Steno is the number one hotel in Cinque Terre according to TripAdvisor.

It’s because Hotel Villa Steno is simply the best.

Hotel Villa Steno is run by husband and wife team Mateo and Carla who are possibly the most dedicated hotel owners that we’ve ever come across. They are unbelievably accommodating to families, especially those with babies and very young children (they’re parents themselves!). They’ve mastered the art of customer service and hospitality from every detail imaginable:  impeccable cleanliness, promptness, affordability, approachability, warmness..the list goes on and on.

I’m a firm believer that where you stay during your holiday can really make a difference on your lasting impressions of the place, long after you’ve gone home and the euphoria of the most recent vacation has long settled into a more distant place in your everyday reality. Staying at Hotel Villa Steno can make a world of a difference, almost guaranteeing you a fabulous vacation with your baby.

Insider tip 1 : Hotel Villa Steno is one of the very few hotels in the Cinque Terre region that actually has its very own parking lot. Every single travel guide will attest to how parking is a precious commodity in the five villages. Contact them ahead of time to guarantee a spot!

Insider tip 2: Die-hard enthusiasts of Cinque Terre often lament about the commercialization of Monterosso al Mare (where Hotel Villa Steno is located), a village that according to their criticism has strayed away from the authentic village experience. I would actually beg to differ. Lying in the heart of Monterroso al Mare is a community of villagers who love, care and support one another. It’s a place where you will see Nona’s (grandmothers) take their grandchildren to the local playground, the locals attend mass, and everyone knows each other. If you’re traveling with a baby, or young children, it is also the most convenient village to stay in because of it’s readily accessible beaches, plethora of eating options, grocery stores, local

 

Where to Eat: Trattoria dal Billy Manarola

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Billy’s is one of my absolute favorite restaurants in the world. It is a restaurant after a true foodie’s heart. If you are a lover of seafood and/or would love to appreciate fresh homemade pasta, you definitely cannot miss out on Billy’s. It’s authentic Ligurian cuisine and the seafood is caught fresh each day from the local fishermen.

 

Where To People Watch (and Enjoy A Glass of Wine) : Enoteca da Eliseo

 

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The perfect place to go during that special hour right before dinner and after heading back from a long day of hiking, sightseeing and living life to the fullest under the Ligurian sun is none other than Enoteca da Eliseo. Obviously it’s not the place to linger with a baby, but there’s something absolutely enjoyable about drinking local wine, chatting with the locals and having a nibble before heading off to dinner (or going back to the place after dinner). If you aren’t on parental duty, you should definitely go!

 

Best time to visit:  Every single local in Cinque Terre we asked gave the resounding answer “May” as their absolute favorite time of the year. It coincides with their lemon festival (Sagra dei Limoni) and there are tons of wild flowers everywhere. The beginning of September came a close second.

Unfortunately, the weather gods were not so kind to us during our last visit in May. It was the worst May that any of the locals could ever recall. To be fair, it was a very craptastic Spring 2013 all throughout Europe with snow even making a guest appearance in May in the Netherlands. Perhaps global warming is upon us after all.

Personally, I would actually still give May another chance especially if I was traveling with a baby or very young kids. The hiking trails and villages were littered in flowers and there was a soft, warm breeze. I also love eating outside and would want to avoid those nasty wasps interfering with my much sought after Ligurian delicacies and possibly my baby. Wasps are the most prevalent in September, coinciding right in time with the harvesting of the grapes.

 

How To Get There: Flight and Train

The most convenient way to get to Cinque Terre (from Amsterdam) is to hop on a flight from Amsterdam Schipol Airport to Pisa. We would fly into Milan to visit our son’s godparents and then take a three hour train ride from there.

 

Insider’s tip: Book first class train tickets. The price of a first class, round-trip train ticket is actually quite affordable. Babies are free!

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(Bram Junior with the random Train Conductor who absolutely adored him)

 

The train conductor loved Bram Jr. so much that he actually went back twice just to spend some time with him. We were left open-mouthed when upon seeing our baby he literally couldn’t help himself and beg to hold our bundle of joy. The second time around he brought along a female colleague beaming with pride as if Bram Jr. was one of his own. What parents wouldn’t be flattered?

 

All of these people that we met during our trip were essentially strangers. They opened up their hearts to us the moment they saw our baby. And that’s what makes Italy, the best European country to vacation with a baby – a place that genuinely embraces family.